8 year old girl loses it at the smallest things

by ken
(canada)

Our daughter (just turned 8 in October 2013) seems very immature for her age, or so it seems. She has a tendency to lose control of herself at the smallest request or frustration.


Now the girl as a general rule is intelligent and does very well in school, reads well, understands math etc..she is very well behaved at school and we have never had any negative feedback from teachers.

She moves in slow motion when she does things and does not like to be rushed in any way whether it be brushing her teeth (could take 10-15 minutes) or eating (still eating dinner 10 minutes after everyone finishes)always walking behind everyone else.

When she gets angry she clenches her fists at her site and goes into what seems like a rage or starts crying and screaming at you. Sometimes she say she doesn't understand what you are saying. (excuse?)

example: She needed new winter boots so her mother spent the afternoon looking for a pair her size. Later after dinner my spouse told her that she had purchased new boots for her and would like her to try them on to see how they fit.

Well you would think she ask her to do something terrible because the girl acted like the world was going to come to an end. She tried one boot on and started crying yelling that they felt buggy then she started crying and at that point would not listen to reason when asked if there was somewhere that the boot seemed to fit to tight.

my spouse asked her where her big toe was in the boot and attempted to feel for the toe near the end of the boot where at that point the girl kicked off the boot and ran out of the room crying.

We had her come back into the room and attempted to discover why she was reacting the way she was to discover that the boots were to tight/ narrow and she didn't like it. (still crying)
we explained to her that her reaction and yelling at us was not a reaction we would expect from someone trying on boots.

we sent her to her room for some "quiet time".

When I asked her about 10 minutes later if she thought she had done anything wrong she said no. I explained to her that it was not acceptable to behave the way she had considering her mother had spent the afternoon shopping for cloths and boots for her.

Another example: she has a loose tooth that has been taking a long time to come out that has a purple/ pint color to it.
Last night my spouse asked her to come to the couch where she was sitting so she could have a look at the tooth to see how close it was to falling out. Well our daughter started covering her mouth and began to lose it and started crying and took off to the bathroom. I went and asked her why she was reacting the way she was and after a lot of inquiring she said she didn't like everyone crowing around her.
I explained that her mother was the only one in the room at the time and one person is not a crowd.

Any input would be appreciated.

we have taken away privileges like movie time, WII time, computer time and also removed items from her room all of which she has to earn back. But still the behavior continues.
although there can be a few days between her bouts.

our other daughter is 10 and does not act this way and thinks her sister has something wrong with her.

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Nov 21, 2013
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Solution
by: William

Sorry to hear you're going thru this. I know its rough, in cases like these i always recommend "Choice Manipulation", what is choice manipulation? Well you or your wife take her to one or more shoe stores. Let her freely walk around and choose boots she likes and appears to be comfortable with. Have her try them on and calmly suggest if she would like to wear them home. Doing this might not work the 1st time and may require several trips. Don't rush the process and plan all day around being at what ever shoe store(s) you've chosen. If she doesn't think is was her choice to pick something it will not work. People have extremely great success with this technique.

Fighting with her will never be a winning situation for either you, your wife or your daughter. I suggest greatly because of her age, you have her tested for SPD now. She is still young enough that you can greatly improve her future. Trust me my parents just slapped me on Ritalin and ignored my symptoms, i suffer from limits others view as insane because im no longer a child. If i would have been tested, diagnosed and treated with OT back then my limits wouldn't be so uncontrollable and public. The process of testing, diagnosing and treating is long and stressful, it will test your family's strength. But the reward is worth it, imagine your daughter who is now in this scenario 35 years old and throwing a tantrum in the middle of Walmart. You can prevent this scenario by testing, diagnosing and treating now while she is still young enough.

Good luck and please update us on her journey.

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