Adult Tactile Defensiveness

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Adult Tactile Defensiveness

I am nearly 40, happily married for 15 years with 3 children. I have never been great with hugs and kisses, but recently I have found it increasingly difficult to tolerate intimate touch from my husband. It has nothing to do with the quality of our relationship, as I love, cherish and respect him completely. But I find his affectionate advances, and foreplay in particular, highly irritating. I have to grit my teeth and force myself not to pull away or curl up to protect myself. The sensation of touch is totally over-stimulating in a highly unpleasant way. I have asked him not to touch me lightly, but he really doesn't get it. I fear that it will soon become a significant problem. Our oldest son, 9, is currently having OT for mild SPD, and I use the brushing protocol on him. Would this help me?

Can I do it without having to see an OT myself?

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Adult Tactile Defensiveness

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Finally the pieces fit.... NEW
by: Brenda

Wow! Just been reading the tactile defensiveness page to get some info as I think my 9 yr old (and 3 yr old, to a lesser extent) have SPD. Most of the tactile issues fit me to a tee as a child (and still do today). Reading these comments has opened my eyes - finally, at the ripe age of 40, my intimacy issues make sense! I've never understood why foreplay has always been such an unpleasant experience and, along with sex, had to be rushed just to get that physical experience over with. My poor husband (and me, I suppose)! Now that I know what the cause is, hopefully there's some kind of remedy or solution...off to the OT I go, and hope it's not too late!

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How much have you discussed? NEW
by: Anonymous

You mention having asked him to not touch you lightly but have you told him why?

When my fiance and I first came across the topic of my tactile defensiveness he didn't understand why I was asking what I as asking so it didn't really affect him. I had to explain to him what exactly I'm feeling and he felt terrible that he hadn't changed his ways earlier. Now he's always very careful to make sure I'm comfortable because he understands.

Maybe he forgets and needs reminding if you have fully explained things. I'm sure he can find something that works for you both.

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Just... NEW
by: Steve

try it, Its the only way you are going to find out. Search New Brushing Protocol Protective Response Regime. You are going to need someone else to do it to you.

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BLANKETS HELP! NEW
by: Anonymous

I have this condition as well. Its difficult to tell my husband that I prefer to just wrestle before hand. I have days where every thing is numb and he just dont get the fact that I dont respond because I can't feel what he's doing.The best thing I found is right before getting ready for bed I have a very large blanket I roll back and forth in. Between the softness of the blanket and the hardness of the floor. Some how that helps me alot. Plus my son and I take turns with a soft bristled brush so that we can help each other calm down for the night!

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Adult Tactile Defensiveness

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Adult Tactile Defensiveness