Childrens fears???

by Michelle Rubin
(MA)

My son was recently diagnosed with SPD. He also has excessive fears. Mostly around being alone, going anywhere in the house by himself.




This has become problematic with my 2 other children. He now follows me around the house!
I could go on for hours but the fear of being alone is most concerning.

Has anyone else dealt with this?

I am not sure if it's part of the disorder or something else entirely?



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Jan 30, 2018
Rating
starstarstarstarstar 		😮 this is my son!!!
by: Pia (USA-SC)

I had no idea this was a thing other people were experiencing!! My son is 12 and 99% of the time won’t go into another room without me, or someone, with him. He leaves the bathroom door open while using it (boundaries please?) , he sneaks into his sisters room at night to sleep in there so he won’t be alone. He has even used empty water bottles in the middle of the night so he doesn’t have to get up and go to the bathroom right outside his room out of fear. So many examples of this. Reading your post gave me so much relief! I can’t wait to show him this so he will realize he’s not alone in this!!! Thank you!!!

In the meantime, any tips???
Jan 30, 2018
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starstarstarstarstar 		10-10-10
by: Anonymous

My daughter didn't like to go to bed alone for many, many years.
At age 8 I couldn't take it anymore.....
So I started this....
We called it 10-10-10
I would talk with her for 10 mins. Then lie quietly for 10 mins.
Then I would come back and check on her in 10 mins.
She was usually asleep by then.
I then changed it to 5 -5-5
After she got used to it.
She is 10 now. Now I go lie with her for 5-10 mins and tell her goodnight and leave.
Good luck everyone.
The struggle is real!
Sep 06, 2016
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starstarstarstarstar 		please help
by: Anonymous

I have a 3 year old boy, he was recently diagnosed with sensory disorder and wide spread autism spectrum. I have a biological 24 year old with autism but mild so this is all new to me . My 3 year old has developped this major fear of going to bed he will get in the bed but you cant leave the room he curls up in a fetal position blocking his ears screaming and crying is their anyone who can help me find solutions? I feel helpless other then cuddling him till he falls asleep.
Aug 16, 2015
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starstarstarstarstar 		I am a sufferer
by: Anonymous

I am 13 years old and I have been like this the day I was born. My parents always would have wake up in the middle of the night because of my Night Terrors and stay up for hours trying to get me back to sleep as a baby and this have gotten worse ever since. At the age of 4-9 I would experience Nightmares almost every time I slept, even though I can not remember in the mornings what happened, I am still left terrified and on edge, because every ending I would end up dying.

It even came to the point were I would try to stay up all night, but that was just worse. I would hear things, see things, at one point I didn't know the difference between reality and my Nightmares. I remember once woke up screaming my lugs out, my mum came into my room and tried to calm me down, but I thought she was one of the murders trying to kill me.

You see, most of my nightmares would start out always in my bedroom, me waking up from a nightmare. So I would wake up, feeling safe, but it was all a lie. I once pulled an all nighter with mum, after pleading and pleading her not to leave me.

There is only one time I had a dream, an actual dream where I could do what I wanted. I cried when I woke up that morning, because it was the most amazing thing I had ever experienced.

I still have nightmares, and I am now used to them, so I don't end up screaming. My parents do not know of this or that I am on this website.

Thank you.
Mar 10, 2013
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starstarstarstarstar 		Dan needs help
by: Andrew

No one can help us . My son will not have any thing to do with is mum .he thinks she will breath on him and he will catch something . Me and my wife after live separate. No one can help . Please help us Leeds 07713457334
Feb 05, 2013
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starstarstarstarstar 		i understand these fears..i went through it
by: Anonymous

Growing up i didnt notice it until i turned around 8 or 9 i was in alot of fear...especiially at night. I would hear things and smell things and experience feelings no one else around me experienced.I would have panic attacks and think something was after me.I grew up in a srrong baptist home and my mother and father didnt make it no better because they either didnt believe me or didnt understand the situation.When i was a teenager it got worst. I wasnt diagnosed but im understanding now it was several phobias.I was a grown woman before i could turn the lights off at night.I still have somewhat fears but nothing like i had growing up.
Feb 24, 2012
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starstarstarstarstar 		me too!!
by: Anonymous

my 8yr old son is same way. he will not be in a room by himself, in our own house. he won't even go to the bathroom by himself. he will not sleep by himself either. we're going to try and get a fish to keep in a small tank by his bedside. i hope that works because i am tired of sleeping w/him. he has adhd and asperger's, any corelation? i'm so used to it now that it doesn't bother me, but i hope he eventually gets through the fears as i worry about other kids teasing him, etc. glad i'm not alone.
Feb 07, 2012
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starstarstarstarstar 		fears/anxiety too
by: Anonymous

My 9 year old has fears like that too. He had a panic attack when staying over at a friends house last summer, and ever since then is worse. He has to have someone lay down next to him just to get to sleep. MY OT wasn't any help.
Dec 06, 2011
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starstarstarstarstar 		Afraid to go to sleep alone
by: Anonymous

My son was always afraid to be alone in a room in the house or even to go to be by himself. I would always have to lie with him until he was asleep. Takes quite a bit of time out of my evening schedule. However, occupational therapy helped a lot. After one month in therapy he was going to the bathroom alone, going to sleep alone and able to go to different rooms in the house without bringing a family member with him. (Good thing he had a very compliant younger sister :) ) It's amazing how therapy changed him. Even getting ready for school and doing homework was getting easier. Thank God for occupational therapy!!!!!!
Nov 02, 2010
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starstarstarstarstar 		First hand experience
by: Anonymous

I was the same way when I was younger (and I'm still sort of that way, even though I'm 16) It's really, really scary to be alone when your clothes hurt you and sudden smells make you nauseous and loud noises send you into panics, all you want to do is keep your parents close to you because you feel they are able to somehow help. My mother said that when I was a baby I would scream myself sick unless I was held constantly- she held me in the shower, on the toilet, and even had to co-sleep with me. Even though I'm a teenager, I still rely on my mother sometimes to soothe me from a panic attack. Something that helped for us was for me to have something I really liked (for me it was books and dolls, but for your child it could be trains or a movie etc.) and doing that while slowly increasing the distance (i.e. my mom would start working on one side of the room and I'd be on the other, then she would be in an adjacent room, then she would be upstairs, etc.)

I know it's frustrating, but it gets better! Have hope!
Sep 05, 2010
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starstarstarstarstar 		Wow! More common then I thought
by: Rachel

My six year old daughter is also very fearful. It must be pretty common with spd and if you think about it you can understand why! I mean with many of these kids everyday activities are startling and even painful to them so it makes sense that they would be scared and clingy to their parents.

My daughter does not like to be alone either and it is frustrating especially when I also have a younger child to look after as well. She has actually peed on herself several times when I couldnt go to the potty with her! One thing that has helped us is positive reinforcement. I use a sticker chart for her highlighting specific issues Id like to improve. One category is facing fears, so everytime she faces a fear- even a very small one- she gets a sticker. When her chart is full she gets a new toy. I agree that it is good to encourage the child to face their fears as long as they are not being forced to, which would only make it worse.
Aug 19, 2010
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starstarstarstarstar 		bedtime and fear
by: Rae

My 7 year old was diagnosed with SPD at around age 3 basically because of his severe food aversions. We did OT for that for a year, but did not help much. I have been focusing so much on his eating that all other aspects of the SPD has just been pushed on a back burner especially the sleep and fear issues. Everyone said it was a phase and he would grow out of it. He is 7 and it is the worst it has ever been. He needs me in his bed next to him in order to even relax enough to consider sleep. He will wake up as soon as he realizes I am no longer there. This means for 7 years I have been up every night numerous times a night. Finally because I work full time and was exhausted I just stay in his bed all night so both him and I can get some sleep. When I ask him why? what he is afraid of he cannot seem to give me an answer. He doesn't know. At times in the middle of the day he will panic when he realizes that he doesn't know where in the house I am. It is all exhausting. Is this from his SPD or is this just a psychological issue? Who can help me? An OT or a psychologist/psychiatrist??? My pediatrician has been no help. I need help from a professional because I have tried all the tricks and nothing works.
Sep 07, 2009
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starstarstarstarstar 		Childrens Fears
by: Anonymous

You are not alone. My son is 7 and still will not go to bed by himself. He is completely afraid of the dark and what is under his bed. Even sometimes in the day time if I shut his bedroom door while he is in it, he will completely panic. We live in a very small house where all the rooms are right next to each other and I am literally sitting right outside his bedroom door when I watch tv at night. This still doesn't help.

I still have to stay with him until he falls asleep or he sometimes just falls asleep in my bed and then I move him to his room. If he wakes up in the middle of the night he calls me in there and I have to stay with him until he falls asleep. He is also afraid to use the bathroom at night even though the light is on and I leave the door open. I have to stand in there with him.
Apr 14, 2009
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starstarstarstarstar 		It comes and goes
by: Anonymous

Our son went through a phase like this. He would not be in the bathroom without me. He would not play on another floor of the house without me. I was frustrated because I can't be with him all the time, even at home. My husband would grumble at him about it (didn't help, of course). Somehow he's stopped. There are still times he wants someone down the basement with him (anyone) and he still talks about being afraid of things (general anxiety) but he's much better. This all happened over the course of one year (age five to six). So it might just be a phase.

As with most anxiety, it's my belief that exposure is the cure. Doing the thing he fears will help cure it. I told our occupational therapist about it but she did not seem to indicate that it's part of SPD. She did think it was of concern but didn't have any special recommendations. However, I notice that his fear of heights is changing since the OT has been working with him to climb walls. He gets a little higher each time and he recognizes that he is overcoming his fear.
Apr 13, 2009
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starstarstarstarstar 		This is my son too!
by:

My son was diagnosed with SPD at 3 1/2 and has been seeing an OT for a few years. But we have gotten more and more concerned about his anxiety and fears! He will not go alone to another floor of the house without me, he is afraid the fire alarm will go off.

He is showing more and more fear of things- we have scheduled an appt with a phsy. But, it is interesting he shows no problems at school? So , you are not alone my child is also afraid and worries!!! I am reading a good book "What your explosive child is trying to tell you" (sounds bad,but filled with good info) Good Luck to you!

Jan 27, 2009
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starstarstarstarstar 		my spd
by: Anonymous

Yes my kid too,fish hooks ,looking t them and lot of things odd. Hair clips ,being alone ect ect
Jan 26, 2009
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starstarstarstarstar 		Crippled By Fear
by: Anonymous

I have two children with SPD ages 4 and 9. Both children were also diagnosed with Anxiety Disorders, my 4 year old son, Anxiety with Panic Attacks.

This was the saddest part of it all as it started with separation but eventually affected everything, even activities such as riding his bike or going for a 4 wheeler ride with his dad ( his favorite.) He just couldn't do it anymore and when it reached the point of even leaving the house because it meant getting in the car I told the Psychologist "no more, we NEED help."

My son was paralyzed with fear of things he once loved. He cried because he missed playing and cried because he was so fearful. We tried behavior therapy but with the fears taking over faster than what he could grasp at a behavior therapy session I felt we had no other choice but to try an anti- depressant.

We started Zoloft 2 months ago and it was the one thing I did for my son to help alleviate the chaos he feels everyday. My daughter also takes it and has finally been able to attend a birthday party for the first time ever without having me to stay with her. She also just had her first over-night and joined Basketball!!!

As I always write, every child is different. I have two children with SPD on opposite sides of the spectrum. What works for one doesn't always work for the other. A lot of young kids have separation anxiety, but we knew it was more than the "norm." My children were crippled with fear.
Hope things get better for your child......

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