Coping with SPD and Depression as a teenager

by Jessica
(Victoria Australia)

I have always known I haven't been normal. I was diagnosed with SPD when I was just over a year old. I had so many problems when I was younger with my emotions and behaviour and I had to go through alot of therapy. I was violent, restless, unable to concentrate, became overly excited, hard to control and didn't handle being upset well at all.

One time when I was almost 2 I threw a tantrum so big I bent the bars on my cot, put a dint in the wall and popped most of the buttons off my clothes. As I've grown it's gotten better and I've been able to handle it more but the way I behaved when I was younger still majorly effects me. It also didn't help that I had an abusive step mum and a a***ole dad.

But now I am suffering with depression and I am finding I am seeing the things of my past causing me to alot of pain. I still have SPD (I don't think it ever goes away) and I still have the same behavioral problems. The thing that is the worst is knowing I have it. The fact that I know there is something wrong with my brain. It makes me feel so dumb sometimes. I've talked to my mum about it but she has no idea what to say. And I know that the depression has also aggravated the symptoms but now I am older I am dealing with them better. Sometimes it really sucks. People don't seem to get it because they have no idea what the problem is and I can never seem to explain it right. But it's not like I want to explain in by posting a link about it to their facebook. That would just make me feel like crap.

I guess it's just the case of being able to try and realise when I am getting like this. But sometimes when I am in the situation it's easier said then done. It's hard to control it when it happening. But I am coping and to all those out there who are in the same or similar situation to me, It'll be ok; it's just a matter of dealing with it. That's my story. =)