Different behaviours in the home environment..

by Mary
(Vic, Aus)

Hello,


Is it possible for a child with SPD to only have these controlling and bullying behaviours when in the comfort of his home? It seems as though my child is managing to suppress/to an extent have control over his emotions and the pressures of each day, until he arrives home. Once home it is like the mask is lifted and the 'meltdowns' take over.

He becomes hypersensitive to anything and everything and bullying and defiance is his main agenda. He displays compulsive and ritualistic behaviours, has zero tolerance for siblings and demands/attempts to blackmail everything up until he is asleep at night. He refuses to eat meals and complains they are too hot/too cold, that one food is touching another on his plate or that he doesnt like the taste. He cannot talk with others making noise and will start from the beginning (many times) if the slightest noise is made while he is talking. He cannot think about anything else when he has something on his mind and will remain on this topic until HE moves on to another equally as repeatative and important to him.
It is as though I have Jekyl and Hyde with his behaviours being so different in the home compared to at school where he is defined by the structure and rigidity.

The only other environments where my child seems to lose composure is when in crowded places or in the shopping centre and when in the car.

Does all of this make sense? Am I making sense? I feel as though I have an anxious, frustrated little boy who is learning to control his home environment in order to feel in control and able to cope.

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This is us.
by: Edel

Hi I am wide awake at 3am unable to sleep after yet another meltdown last night by our 8 year old with SPD and I have just stumbled across the perfect descriptions of him! We can never understand how he can hold it together so well in every environment outside of the home or with all other adults bar us, his parents. The meltdowns are becoming more frequent and we feel like we're going crazy. The relief I feel reading your posts is huge.

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Gut problems and behaviour
by: Maryt

Could there be gut problems?

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Overwhelming Meltdown only at home
by: Elizabett

Yes, She is 7 and we've had her in OT for sensory processing disorder and everything was going well but she is upset emotionally over how often she can see her mom who is in college right now. We're her grandparents and she lives with us probably 80% of the time. We take her to all the OT, doctors appointments, put her in private school and we follow up with a very structured life for her. She was doing well and now her sensory problem is a daily melt down of more than an hours She goes back and forth between crying, and anger and accusations as if we deliberately went out and bought the wrong shoes that don't fit (they are the right size and should fit but she decided they feel bad) One shoe will be great the other too small. They wear uniforms - what a blessing and even with everything the same - suddenly her shirt is too scratchy, her socks have seams that hurt and it's our fault. The cream for her yeast infection burns and that was a screaming fit for more than an hour plus the bath and we lose fun time.

Home has always been the melt down place but I can only be thankful she keeps it together at school. I have decided to let her melt down and deal with it herself but it isn't that easy when you have to get her off to school in the morning and are on a time frame. I'm glad we don't have siblings to deal with I can't imagine how hard that is to deal with, as behaviors you discipline for in a healthy child cannot be utilized with the SPD because you cannot reason with this at all until it is over. Time out is helpful, rewards is helpful but right now we are hitting the wall.

We try to stay on a schedule and then play mexican dominos before she goes to bed, night time story time helps to calm and we don't allow tv as it is too stimulating unless it is earlier - something short like Lola and Charlie. Any suggestions would be welcome as I am very exhausted - I have seen that emotional upsets play in heightening sensory problems.

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Finally!
by: Anonymous

My daughter is 14 and you have just described my life.

I am at such a loss for what to do. Sometimes are great but only when the house has given in. Our house is torn apart when we stand strong and don't give in . That's when her siblings are then attacked. She is smart and sweet until a meltdown. She functions fine at school and friends houses. I thought she just had no respect for me and saved it all for our house. What do I do to get her help?
Tired but somewhat relieved

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different behaviors
by: marjory glasgow scotland

hi, yes this is quite usual, being good in school is great, they have rules and regulations to adhere too. And boy it sounds like he follows the rules. My child also has aspergers syndrome, not that yours has, i know that when he comes home he wants to let it all go. Thats fine, but then we have our rules, as he gets older i find that he prefers rules and knowing whats expected of him. It saves upset and meltdowns. Travelling has too much sensory input and maybe explains why he behaves differently in car. In shops and stores, too many items and colours and noise and people. When you read this you get it. Just too much going on all at once.

Oversensitive hearing is a grt difficulty for my child. I trolled books,internet etc and found out as much as poss. We done the TOMATIS listening therapy prog.Boy what a difference.

Good luck.

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Normal
by: Anonymous

It is extremely normal for this type of behavior, especially in the younger grades. A child knows their environment and usually at school they have to keep it together all day and then when they get home they come unglued because of all the pent up feelings they have suppressed all day. A lot of times it can they are & feel just as out of control.

Please seek counseling though an experienced, licensed family therapist to help you and your family learn the tools needed to help your child.

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