Discipline

Discipline

How do you Discipline your sensational kid? My son is five years old and has SPD and I am wondering how you displine him when he hurts someone implusively. How do I discipline him without a complete meltdown?

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Jun 03, 2008
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Our Saying
by: ELLI

My little boy is 5 and has just been diagnosed with SPD. I never understood why he was so rough and just put it down to being a boy. In saying that, most of my friends had girls and we had a little saying that we did. I would ask "What are girls?"

He would answer "Princesses"
Me: " What do we do with Princesses"
Him: " We are gentle" and I would gentle rub his tummy, so he understood the touch.

We also now have little Princes.
It was something that helped me explain and helped him to understand. It doesn't always help but we just remind him when going places and sometimes also while there.

Good luck

Apr 10, 2008
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Impulsivity at School
by: Craig

Hi Joseph,

I can relate. My daughter's impulsivity at school has been a problem - especially in regards to getting frustrated/anxious and leaving the classroom and school.

The first task has been the hardest - educating the school/staff on SPD. It has been a huge hurdle, but we have made great strides over the years. While it is not perfect, we have come a long way in that regard. I have spent a lot of time over the years getting to know the administration and her teachers. They at least know that I am actively involved in her life and want the best for her in school as well as in life. I've tried to let them know that we are partners, not adversaries and that I want to work with them.

I brought in copies of "The Out of Sync Child" and also a tape/cd on helping teachers understand children with SPD. I asked them to at least read the introduction to the book and listen to the first 10 minutes of the tape. Then, I explained to them that my daughter simply gets overwhelmed at times and needs a cool down pass to go to a safe place. She goes to the office with her work at these times and it has worked out rather well. She doesn't need to do this as much as she did in the past.

The next step is trying to get them to understand the things that cause my daughter to get overwhelmed and implement an appropriate sensory diet that helps her before the meltdown occurs. And, of course, I am trying to get them to help her develop better social skills so that she doesn't feel so out of place with her classmates. The school has been good about involving her in friendship groups.

The best advice I can give you is to make sure that your child gets OT by someone certified in SI and also consider finding a counselor who understands SI and can help your child emotionally. A great, comprehensive treatment program is offered by Brainasium - (http://www.brainasiumworks.com/BrainasiumWorks/Home.html). They cover it all including the educational component that is key to helping SPD children in educational areas that they are prone to having problems with. Perhaps you can find a similar facility in your area. My daughter has been going there for a few months and the results are amazing. Treatment is expensive, but when done right, it is well worth the cost.

And, finally, there is no magic bullet fix and your child will have SPD forever. Keep working on patience, understanding and value the unique and special qualities of your wonderful child.

Good Luck and Many blessings,

Craig

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Apr 10, 2008
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Submitted by: Craig

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Hi Joseph, I can relate. My daughter's impulsivity at school has been a problem - especially in regards to getting frustrated/anxious and leaving the classroom and school. The first task has been the hardest - educating the school/staff on SPD. It has been a huge hurdle, but we have made great strides over the years. While it is not perfect, we have come a long way in that regard. I have spent a lot of time over the years getting to know the administration and her teachers. They at least know that I am actively involved in her life and want the best for her in school as well as in life. I've tried to let them know that we are partners, not adversaries and that I want to work with them. I brought in copies of "The Out of Sync Child" and also a tape/cd on helping teachers understand children with SPD. I asked them to at least read the introduction to the book and listen to the first 10 minutes of the tape. Then, I explained to them that my daughter simply gets overwhelmed at times and needs a cool down pass to go to a safe place. She goes to the office with her work at these times and it has worked out rather well. She doesn't need to do this as much as she did in the past. The next step is trying to get them to understand the things that cause my daughter to get overwhelmed and implement an appropriate sensory diet that helps her before the meltdown occurs. And, of course, I am trying to get them to help her develop better social skills so that she doesn't feel so out of place with her classmates. The school has been good about involving her in friendship groups. The best advice I can give you is to make sure that your child gets OT by someone certified in SI and also consider finding a counselor who understands SI and can help your child emotionally. A great, comprehensive treatment program is offered by Brainasium - (http://www.brainasiumworks.com/BrainasiumWorks/Home.html). They cover it all including the educational component that is key to helping SPD children in educational areas that they are prone to having problems with. Perhaps you can find a similar facility in your area. My daughter has been going there for a few months and the results are amazing. Treatment is expensive, but when done right, it is well worth the cost. And, finally, there is no magic bullet fix and your child will have SPD forever. Keep working on patience, understanding and value the unique and special qualities of your wonderful child. Good Luck and Many blessings, Craig

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Apr 10, 2008
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What about in school?
by: Joseph Krok

Craig, you wrote...

"My daughter is 9, has SPD and acts impulsively quite often. I have learned that acting out impulsively is something that most individuals with SPD have problems with. With age and time, they get better at handling the impulsivity, but the urges to act impulsively remain.

For me, I came to the conclusion that she can't help acting out impulsively. To punish her for doing something she can't control does no good, it actually harms her self-esteem. And, she really feels terrible about what she has down after she acts out. So, here are my rules:

1. If it's a safety issue, deal with it any way possible immediately.

2. Try to better understand the triggers that cause him to act impulsively so that you can intervene and re-direct him before he acts out.

3. While he is calm, continue to remind and re-inforce that hitting and hurting is not allowed and practice better ways to handle anger and explosiveness - hit a pillow or bean bag chair, stomp your feet, etc.

4. Find things that really work in getting your child out of a bad mood - music and dancing work with mine, introducing a pleasant taste or smell - whatever works. Use those techniques to get your child out of the impulsive mood before it takes a really bad turn.

5. After a bad episode and when your child is calm, remind your child that it is not OK to hit and hurt and then go back to role-playing what is a better way to handle anger. If you feel it is necessary to give him a consequence, make it something that makes up for the action, not just punishment related. For example, my daughter recently broke a vase when she got angry. After our cool-down talk, she agreed that the replacement cost should come out of her allowance.

I'm no expert. This is just the strategies that I have developed and learned over the years. For the most part, they work pretty well. But, it takes time and a lot of patience, so my last rule is to forgive yourself when you act out and don't follow the rules - keep trying and it will get better over time.

Best of luck and many blessings!
Craig"

Now I am wondering Craig... how does this get addressed in school? My son is going to be 6 in July. His teacher is having difficulty seeing him as a child with SPD rather than as a behavior problem. Any suggestions? As far as not being an expert, this is the best outlook on SPD I have ever come across.

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Apr 10, 2008
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Submitted by: Joseph Krok

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Craig, you wrote... "My daughter is 9, has SPD and acts impulsively quite often. I have learned that acting out impulsively is something that most individuals with SPD have problems with. With age and time, they get better at handling the impulsivity, but the urges to act impulsively remain. For me, I came to the conclusion that she can't help acting out impulsively. To punish her for doing something she can't control does no good, it actually harms her self-esteem. And, she really feels terrible about what she has down after she acts out. So, here are my rules: 1. If it's a safety issue, deal with it any way possible immediately. 2. Try to better understand the triggers that cause him to act impulsively so that you can intervene and re-direct him before he acts out. 3. While he is calm, continue to remind and re-inforce that hitting and hurting is not allowed and practice better ways to handle anger and explosiveness - hit a pillow or bean bag chair, stomp your feet, etc. 4. Find things that really work in getting your child out of a bad mood - music and dancing work with mine, introducing a pleasant taste or smell - whatever works. Use those techniques to get your child out of the impulsive mood before it takes a really bad turn. 5. After a bad episode and when your child is calm, remind your child that it is not OK to hit and hurt and then go back to role-playing what is a better way to handle anger. If you feel it is necessary to give him a consequence, make it something that makes up for the action, not just punishment related. For example, my daughter recently broke a vase when she got angry. After our cool-down talk, she agreed that the replacement cost should come out of her allowance. I'm no expert. This is just the strategies that I have developed and learned over the years. For the most part, they work pretty well. But, it takes time and a lot of patience, so my last rule is to forgive yourself when you act out and don't follow the rules - keep trying and it will get better over time. Best of luck and many blessings! Craig" Now I am wondering Craig... how does this get addressed in school? My son is going to be 6 in July. His teacher is having difficulty seeing him as a child with SPD rather than as a behavior problem. Any suggestions? As far as not being an expert, this is the best outlook on SPD I have ever come across.

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Apr 09, 2008
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In the same boat
by: Anonymous

Oh, I am so in your same boat! My son is also 5 and has SPD - he is also gifted, which makes things even more interesting. He does have a tendency to go through times where he honestly seems to have no control... we will be laying in bed together and all of sudden he will reach over and just hit me... or my husband or I will be doing something and he will out of the blue hit, kick or knock into us. These seem to happen at really bizarre times - not the usual time for a child - like when they are mad or upset about something.

I also have a really hard time punishing him for something that seems to just happen out of the blue like he can't control it, but I also want to let him know that it is not an acceptable action and to help him come up with other ideas... such as the need to feel deep pressure (the main reason I feel he is kicking/knocking/punching us). We are still floundering in our area to find anyone who offers sensory OT - the nearest is over an hour drive which would be really tough on everyone! I am curious to see how others deal with behavior issues as well.

Apr 06, 2008
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SPD disciple
by: Anonymous

My son is 3 years old. I started putting him in a time out chair so that he knows that he did something wrong. It took a long time for him to comprehend that the time out was because he did something that was wrong. It is hard task because my 14 month old, when I say no, he understands that he did something wrong, and my 3 year old it takes him a while. He had a real meltdown with me the first couple times but now he knows that to come out he has to apologize and either give the sibling a hug or clean his mess. It takes a while but if you have a good support team working with you then it is not as hard.

Apr 06, 2008
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Discipline and Impulsivity
by: Anonymous

My daughter is 9, has SPD and acts impulsively quite often. I have learned that acting out impulsively is something that most individuals with SPD have problems with. With age and time, they get better at handling the impulsivity, but the urges to act impulsively remain.

For me, I came to the conclusion that she can't help acting out impulsively. To punish her for doing something she can't control does no good, it actually harms her self-esteem. And, she really feels terrible about what she has down after she acts out. So, here are my rules:

1. If it's a safety issue, deal with it any way possible immediately.

2. Try to better understand the triggers that cause him to act impulsively so that you can intervene and re-direct him before he acts out.

3. While he is calm, continue to remind and re-inforce that hitting and hurting is not allowed and practice better ways to handle anger and explosiveness - hit a pillow or bean bag chair, stomp your feet, etc.

4. Find things that really work in getting your child out of a bad mood - music and dancing work with mine, introducing a pleasant taste or smell - whatever works. Use those techniques to get your child out of the impulsive mood before it takes a really bad turn.

5. After a bad episode and when your child is calm, remind your child that it is not OK to hit and hurt and then go back to role-playing what is a better way to handle anger. If you feel it is necessary to give him a consequence, make it something that makes up for the action, not just punishment related. For example, my daughter recently broke a vase when she got angry. After our cool-down talk, she agreed that the replacement cost should come out of her allowance.

I'm no expert. This is just the strategies that I have developed and learned over the years. For the most part, they work pretty well. But, it takes time and a lot of patience, so my last rule is to forgive yourself when you act out and don't follow the rules - keep trying and it will get better over time.

Best of luck and many blessings!

Craig

Michele Mitchell adds... thank you for such wonderful suggestions!! I agree 100% Craig, and you sound like such a patient and understanding dad... how wonderful!

Being proactive is the key, you are right! And, I would add a good sensory diet and OT therapy to deal with the underlying sensory issues always helps.

Thanks for your comments Craig and for caring so much for the individuality in your child and her specific needs! SPD parents can certainly learn a lot from your input and trying your suggestions!!! Thanks so much.

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Apr 06, 2008
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Submitted by: Anonymous

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My daughter is 9, has SPD and acts impulsively quite often. I have learned that acting out impulsively is something that most individuals with SPD have problems with. With age and time, they get better at handling the impulsivity, but the urges to act impulsively remain. For me, I came to the conclusion that she can't help acting out impulsively. To punish her for doing something she can't control does no good, it actually harms her self-esteem. And, she really feels terrible about what she has down after she acts out. So, here are my rules: 1. If it's a safety issue, deal with it any way possible immediately. 2. Try to better understand the triggers that cause him to act impulsively so that you can intervene and re-direct him before he acts out. 3. While he is calm, continue to remind and re-inforce that hitting and hurting is not allowed and practice better ways to handle anger and explosiveness - hit a pillow or bean bag chair, stomp your feet, etc. 4. Find things that really work in getting your child out of a bad mood - music and dancing work with mine, introducing a pleasant taste or smell - whatever works. Use those techniques to get your child out of the impulsive mood before it takes a really bad turn. 5. After a bad episode and when your child is calm, remind your child that it is not OK to hit and hurt and then go back to role-playing what is a better way to handle anger. If you feel it is necessary to give him a consequence, make it something that makes up for the action, not just punishment related. For example, my daughter recently broke a vase when she got angry. After our cool-down talk, she agreed that the replacement cost should come out of her allowance. I'm no expert. This is just the strategies that I have developed and learned over the years. For the most part, they work pretty well. But, it takes time and a lot of patience, so my last rule is to forgive yourself when you act out and don't follow the rules - keep trying and it will get better over time. Best of luck and many blessings! Craig <b>Michele Mitchell adds...</b> thank you for such wonderful suggestions!! I agree 100% Craig, and you sound like such a patient and understanding dad... how wonderful! Being proactive is the key, you are right! And, I would add a good sensory diet and OT therapy to deal with the underlying sensory issues always helps. Thanks for your comments Craig and for caring so much for the individuality in your child and her specific needs! SPD parents can certainly learn a lot from your input and trying your suggestions!!! Thanks so much.

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