Does my husband have Aspergers or SPD?

by Jenna
(Findlay, Ohio)

Hi I married my husband about a year and a half ago, and shortly after we found out we were blessed with a baby. Our son is now 6 months old already! After we were married, we moved in together and I noticed my husband making odd sounds in the bathroom. He was starring down into space and making sounds "ppppshhht" snapping his fingers and hand flapping. When I asked him what he was doing he said he sometimes "day dreams". I notice he always does this when he is excited by sports and video games. He now does this more often, in the car or when he thinks no one is paying attention. He says that he just does it and doesnt know why.. .sometimes he doesnt realize hes doing it. I never saw him do this when we were dating-but of course he was on his best behavior!He is very affectionate and loves to touch me.


When he does not get his way or disagrees about something he overreacts or begins a temper tantrum and locks himself in the bedroom and pouts. He is extremely high functioning. He has an amazing job and just completed his Masters degree. I asked his friend about my husband hand flapping and he said he had done that since they met in preschool. I am a teacher at a school for Autism but Im noticing many of his quirks now. I love him unconditionally and I can accept this but its hard when he gets to be bullheaded. Do we need counseling or should I just accept this and forget?

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Nov 30, 2011
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Re-my husband
by: Anonymous

we all have quirks & odd things that we do. some are more visible than others. i would say in reading this post, that if these oddities are not in any way impeding his abilities or functionality, then i wouldn't worry about them.

Nov 30, 2011
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Best wishes for your marriage
by: Anonymous

I think that your marriage can be good but it depends: if you love your husband besides, you're also a patient person. If your husband feels empathy in the normal way, if among you there is an emotional empathy. Otherwise a set path to Aspergers or SPD is hard. He is unlikely he will challenge and ask for help, this is because of the difficulty to recognize the need . Best wishes for your life.

Nov 30, 2011
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"No Big Deal"?
by: Anonymous

May be time to get honest with yourself. If it wasn't a huge huge deal to you it wouldn't be posted on the net asking advice about whether to get counseling. If you love him enough you will be willing to overlook a few quirks, if you don't then... well, that's your thing. If he thinks he needs help that's one thing, but it's something else entirely if you can't accept him the way he is. I'm guessing since he's an adult and hasn't sought "help", maybe it doesn't bother him so much.
My advice to you, as the mother of a child on the Spectrum, is to watch for the behavior and when it happens see what the triggers are for the behavior. Remove the triggers, tone down the behaviors... win/win. Whether it's Aspergers or SPD, if it's either, neither of those has a "cure", there's no quick fix, cause as yet unknown; does no good to push, not for you, not for him. Just let it be and be flexible when you can. And love him. A little love goes a long way.

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