Give in to the tantrum?

My 2 yr old daughter has recently been diagnosed with SPD and speech delay. Therapists are coming out this week to evaluate her. My question is: when she is having a tantrum or when she just melts down if she doesn't want to do something, should i pick her up or is that giving in? When she wont go to sleep at night, she screams and cries and wont stay in bed, so I give in and rock her. Now she wont go to bed on her own.


She wants me to carry her ALL the time. If I cant, she has little meltdowns. I don't know if I should continue to just pick her up or let her try to deal with the situation?

I need some advice from parents who have been there

thank you
Angie

Comments for Give in to the tantrum?

Average Rating starstarstarstarstar

Click here to add your own comments

Sep 17, 2009
Rating
starstarstarstarstar
Give in, she needs it
by: Anonymous

My son too has a SPD, and there is a big difference between tantrum and melt-down. The bed-time routine was sooo difficult for him too. Rocking is the best thing you can do, try pushing her in a swing for 15 minutes or more before bedtime to help relax her. Try different music, different lights, different blankets, different pajamas, etc. I've just discovered my son only likes 100% cotton, all else is uncomfortable, and he's 3 years old.

I remember he had a melt-down and I felt helpless to make him feel better (now he tells me theres nothing I can do to make him feel better), at the time he didn't talk. SPD is so smart, the frustration is from not being able to do what he thinks he should. He needs comfort and love, give it freely.

Aug 24, 2009
Rating
starstarstarstarstar
giving in or comforting?
by: Anonymous

I agree with anonymous, your lil one is trying to tell you something either its fear or just needing a lil more sense of security. Children with SPD @ her age have difficulty with telling you just exactly what they fear or need and you are doing just fine when you pick her up when she cries or has melt-downs. Take mental notes of when or where or just what is going on around her in her lil world and if possible the next time the situation or environment she is in arises take it slow and either remove her from the area or distract her from either play or something calming.

She will learn to calm herself it takes lots of time and patience soon you will be able to pick up on whatever it is that bothers her and she will know that she can trust you to help with her fears anxiety or just simply knowing that mommy is there no matter what her situation is. Dont listen to ones that say you are spoiling her those are the ones that have no idea what its like to have a child with SPD.

I don't like labels but these children are very intelligent and require lots of love and patience. Good luck and you keep cuddling that little girl. Someday she will be all grown up and you wont have any regrets that you didn't give her all the love and attention and you were there for her when she needed you the most. Does she have problem with a certain pair of shoes? Wet grass? or just simply walking bare foot? that is typical of SPD

Pay close attention to that and you will soon figure it out I cannot stress enough to you that patience is your key to finding out what she is trying to tell you.

Aug 24, 2009
Rating
starstarstarstarstar
tantrums
by: Anonymous

I think she is so young still that you should be there for her needs. You don't know whats causing the meltdowns. My son at that age would want me to carry him but it was because he was scared of certain things sometimes which he really couldn't express well at that age. As he got older he was able to express his fears easier.

Children don't just cry for no reason. Even if it is for attention then it means she needs more attention. If its because she wants her mommy to carry her then she needs her mommy at that time.

She's still a baby. Our pedi always answers questions like this with 'you know him/her better than anyone else does, you know what she needs better than anyone else, nobody can answer this question better than you'.

Make sure she's getting enough sleep, that is the number one cause for meltdowns.

Good luck!

Aug 24, 2009
Rating
starstarstarstarstar
Positive not negative
by: Alisa

You should never give in to behaviours you don't want to continue. Giving is by hugging can cause the behaviour to continue. Its even harder when your child has melt downs and not just tantrums. You have to try to get her to communicate with you rather than just a tantrum before you pick her up. If she scream ask her to calm down tell her to take a deep breath and use a quite voice. Once she shows you shes trying to calm her self down a little then say do you want a hug now you trying so hard to calm down. That way your making the rules and making positive behaviour clear and make sure you tell her that she's getting the hug for trying to calm down, never say now that your not naughty always talk about the positive behaviours and ignore the negatives.

Aug 24, 2009
Rating
starstarstarstarstar
not really giving in
by: Ericka

Hi,
I'm actually taking a class on behavior management right now. One of the textbooks said we need to learn the difference between a tantrum and a meltdown. A tantrum can be controlled-the child can be taught not to do this. A meltdown is a sensory response. That means children just can't control a meltdown.

For your little daughter, I have to think she is trying to communicate sensory needs. She may not be able to tell you what she is feeling, and that is hard for her. i rocked my son to sleep until he was five! Even now he can't calm himself to go to sleep-it's not because of what I did, it is because he has ADHD, SPD, and Aspergers, and he just doesn't know how to self calm. When our kids can't do these things, we just have to help them!-jmo, Ericka

Click here to add your own comments

Join in and write your own page! It's easy to do. How? Simply click here to return to The SPD Q & A.