Help! Does my 8 year old have spd?...

[?] Subscribe To This Site

Help! Does my 8 year old have spd?...

by vanessa
(southern england)

My 8 year old daughter and I have battled with clothing for as long as I can remember. I put it down to her being 'awkward' and 'hard work' until two days ago it was suggested to me that she may be tactile defensive. I had never before heard of this, and when I came across this website I couldn't believe how everything I read fell into place.

My daughter hates pants and any other item of clothing that is the tiniest bit rough, tight or restricting in any way, to the point where it makes her near on hysterical. When I think how many times this has had us both in tears!! Her school uniform can cause the same problems, she has to wear the same old tatty pair of trousers, and I worry all the time that the teachers wonder if I cant afford a new pair!

She is also very behind at school and I have just been told she has 'learning difficulties' which is such a wide field. Does anyone know if this could be part of her struggle at school? Having read a lot of your letters it makes me wonder whether her day is eaten up by the way she feels, how uncomfortable her clothes are, instead of on her work.

I would appreciate any feedback, ideas, help. Sorry to rant on but my relief in finding out my daughter is not alone or just being difficult is huge!!!

Comments for
Help! Does my 8 year old have spd?...

Average Rating

Click here to add your own comments

Jan 13, 2011
Rating

sleeping
by: Gumpster's Mom

My 9yr old has SPD and probably like most moms, I've learned little "tricks" along the way. Until last year when she saw an OT we just thought it was just her little quirks. When it first started getting cold this winter she decided to sleep in her snuggie , then we put her fleece blanket and quilt on her. She slept through the night! A week later I noticed that she had made it the entire week without waking up even once during the night and was wondering what was different. How come she finally was sleeping all night for the first time in 6yrs? It was the snuggie. It swaddled her just like when we wrap them up tight as newborns.

She has always had to have flannel or t-shirt sheets and big fluffy covers and pillows that I wash with MEGA softener but by removing he flat sheet and using the snuggie (we also now have lots of fleece blanket robes) the tightness and the pressure of the heavy blanket calms her nervous system. Its the same thing when she is in or about to go into meltdown mode and I hug her tightly or get her to push against my palms. I wish I had known most of this stuff from the first time she started showing symptoms (3 hrs after she was born) but u go with what works. I also recommend that you find a good Occupational Therapist for her. It's like having an interpreter who knows how to speak her language and explain it to you. Good Luck to you and your "Sensational" child.

Jan 10, 2011
Rating

5 yr old daughter hates clothes
by: Anonymous

IVE READ ALL THE COMMENTS ON THIS PAGE AND NOW IM IN TEARS.MY FIVE YR OLD DAUGHTER NOT ONLY HATES CLOTHES,WE HAVE A HARD TIME GETTING HER TO SLEEP AT NIGHT.IVE BEEN HOMESCHOOLING HER NOW FOR THE PAST YEAR BECAUSE WHEN SHE FINALLY FALLS ASLEEP(WITH MOM)ITS USUALLY BETWEEN 10:30PM-3:00AM.I DONT WANT HER TO BE SLEEP DEPRIVED SO I LET HER SLEEP IN TILL SHE WAKES UP ON HER OWN.

WHEN SHE DOES WAKE UP SHE GOES TO THE BATHROOM THEN HEADS FOR A BLANKET(NOT CLOTHES)TO COVER HERSELF.I BRUSH HER TEETH,BRUSH HER HAIR(BUT SHE WONT LET ME PUT IT IN A BRAID OR PONYTAIL OR EVEN A BARRETTE.SHE WOULD RATHER HAVE HER HAIR IN HER FACE!.THERE WAS A TIME WHEN SHE WOULD WEAR CLOTHES(USUALLY PAJAMAS).I HAD TO CONSTANTLY WASH THE SAME CLOTHES OVER AND OVER AGAIN BECAUSE SHE REFUSED TO WEAR ANYTHING ELSE.EVENTUALLY THEY BECAME WORN OUT AND HAD TO BE TOSSED.

WEVE TRIED EVERYTHING.DIFFERENT TYPES OF CLOTHING ETC.WE EVEN TOLD HER THAT UNLESS SHE GOT DRESSED WED TAKE SOME OF HER TOYS AWAY UNTIL SHE STARTED DOING WHAT SHE WAS TOLD(THIS DIDNT WORK!).ITS STILL NOT WORKING.OUR DAUGHTER IS VERY BRIGHT IN SO MANY WAYS BUT A SIMPLE TASK LIKE GETTING DRESSED SEEMS TO BE SO DIFFICULT FOR HER.IT TAKES SO MANY HOURS TO FINALLY GET SOMETHING ON HER THAT WHEN WE WANT TO GO SOMEWHERE(OUT OF THE HOUSE)MY ENERGY LEVEL IS SO LOW, BOTH PHYSICAL AND EMOTIONAL.

WHEN MY HUSBAND COMES HOME FROM WORK HE USUALLY HAS TO DO THE GROCERY SHOP ETC..,BECAUSE MY ENERGY IS GONE.AND TALK ABOUT HARD ON YOUR MARRIAGE.ITS NICE TO KNOW WE AREN'T THE ONLY ONES OUT THERE WITH PROBLEM,I JUST WISH THERE WAS A SOLUTION.BEST OF LUCK TO YOU ALL.

Sep 26, 2010
Rating

8 Yr. old girl, extreme daily tantrums, hates dressing..
by: Mom

My beloved little girl is tearing our house and family apart! I have three Daughters and she is the eldest. Gets good grades in School, but at home she has terrible extreme tantrums. The main problem has always been getting dressed. She refused to wear jeans, just soft pants. Socks/shoes are a nightmare every morning. The seam has to be adjusted just right. Sometimes we have to fix it four or five times. She just flies completely off of the handle when pushed to get dressed on her own. Been like this since she was 2 1/2 and going to preschool. Violence is also a very big problem. She takes her anger out on her younger Sister by hitting, pushing etc. This is a daily occurrence. I'm assuming because she is so unhappy and frustrated herself and it manifests itself in this way. The counselor at School doesn't have any answers as at School she is fine. She is shy around strangers and a little immature for her age. I just do not know where to turn..

Jul 29, 2010
Rating

A common thread
by: Anonymous

Hello anonymous ! I literally gasped when I read your message as it sounds very similar to our 5 yr old daughter who has struggled extensively with wearing clothes since she was 18mnths - 2yrs old. I am a special education teacher so I have been pursuing the SPD route without any success! We have tried specialist OTs paediatrician, psychologist until someone suggested it could be GAD (generalised anxiety disorder) disguised as SPD. Our daughters issues also slowly extended outside the 'clothing' issues to include low self esteem, feeling self conscious around others, talking about dying which we thought was a result of SPD. So we have recently introduced zoloft also (after 12 mnths of anguish and trying Everything we could possibly think of). It's only been a couple if wks but we can c some improvement. The bottom line is ..... It's breaks our heart to c our gorgeous daughter unhappy to the point of screaming 'i wish I was dead' everytime she gets dressed. It's almost a relief to hear we aren't the only ones struggling with this out there.

May 15, 2010
Rating

a common thread
by: Anonymous

My very smart and lovely 10 yr old daughter has GAD, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, which does not manifest specifically the same as SPD, but has many common threads. She does have some issues with clothing, but it is not the prevalent issue.

I am a Pyschotherapist and know that I cannot be my child's therapist, but feel grateful to have some additional insight available in our struggles. The social issues are constant and increasing as she grows and the school kids become more cliqish and competitive. At 7 yrs old, we tried every possible route, every therapy, before considering medication. Of course, when your baby is miserable and begs for some kind of help, you'll eventually try anything. So my precious child has been on Zoloft, starting at 25mg and 3 years later at 50mg. It does not make her feel or seem "drugged" in there lease.

She is still a child with anxiety issues that are well above average, but she rarely "hates" herself, hits herself in the forehead (familiar to anyone?), or wonders why she should LIVE. I just wanted to share this with other parents who are struggling with issues tied to anxiety.

Nov 21, 2009
Rating

11 year old - AS diagnosis.. might have SD too?
by: Anonymous

After reading the checklist and all of the comments, I think my 11 yr old son who was diagnosed with AS at age 5.. has SD. So many of the areas on the checklist apply. the person who commented above (anonymous).. your son sounds just like mine! refuses to wear denim.. no buttons or zippers, very strong vocabulary, highly creative and imaginative, difficulty making friends, very immature for age.

Nov 17, 2009
Rating

Someone help me!
by: Donna

I have a 6 year old daughter who has changed so much over the last couple of months, with a really bad attitude and always angry and crying all the time and she won't sleep in her own room.

She won't wear underpants and socks are a major problem too.I have a constant battle getting her dressed for school in the morning as she says everything irritates her and then we end up in a screaming match.It is starting to really effect our family life and my 10 year old daughter is sick of all the yelling and it is starting to be a major problem for my marriage as well.have been to numerous doctors but none seem to be helping.Please can anyone help!!!!

Aug 15, 2009
Rating

Clothing Struggle
by: DJ

My daughter is 8 and was diagnosed with a non-verbal learning disability in kindergarten. She is now in third grade and is getting OT, Speech and Counseling in school as well as Special Ed. Services. Her OT issues at time of diagnosis dealt primarily with fine motor issues. It wasn't until a year later when she received make-up OT services due to her OT leaving, that we learned of her sensory issues.

The new OT casually mentioned the sensory issues as if we already knew about them. At that moment, a whole new world opened up for us and my daughter's behaviors began to make sense. Clothing has been a huge issue and what we have found effective is a reward system. We started with trying on the clothes the night before and laying everything out. If she was able to get dressed in the morning without a tantrum, she got a star sticker on the calendar in her room.

It has been 2 months and not only can she lay out the clothes the night before, she can pick out her clothes in the morning without a fuss. The calendar chart and stickers were all her idea. After a certain amount of stickers, she will get a reward. Hope this helps! I KNOW how difficult this can be!

Aug 09, 2009
Rating

We have the same clothes issues!!
by: Mondy

Hi Vanessa, we are the parents of a 4 1/2 year old daughter who has struggled wearing clothes which feel restrictive, tight or uncomfortable (which includes pretty much everything)! At present she is only wearing one style of dress and finds it very difficult to wear underpants. We have found if we put her underpants and dress in the microwave and heat them up a little before she puts them on it sometimes helps. We also hold her tightly after she puts clothes on and work hard at redirecting her attention and this can help too. Basically getting dressed is very stressful for the whole family and causes her great distress! We have tried so many different approaches, taken her to pediatrician and a specialized o.t. and currently taking her to a psychologist.

We are very worried about prep next year with the uniform and wearing shoes and socks (she has worn thongs for almost 3 years)! We have just bought her uniform 6 mnths early and will start to wash it to soften it and encourage her to try it regularly before next year. I hope things are improving for you and your family and hope you know you are not alone!

Jul 23, 2009
Rating

Clothes Issues!!!
by: Anonymous

I have similar issues with my 4 1/2 year old daughter who has struggled with wearing clothes, having hair pinned up, wearing seatbelt in car, wearing shoes/socks, getting hair wet, feeling 'wet' when she has been to the toilet and after drying herself after a shower etc. It has been going on since she was at least 2 years old and now we fear she has developed an anxiety disorder associated with this!

We have been to specialist Occupational Therapists, pediatrician and currently seeing a psychologist who was making progress using a 'relaxation' tape but she has recently resorted back to her 'anxious behaviours' associated with dressing. When her clothes bother her, she is very sad and chooses to miss out on events so she doesn't have to get dressed! We are very concerned how she will cope with school next year wearing a uniform and shoes and socks!! Any ideas??

Jun 15, 2009
Rating

any of this sound familiar?
by: Anonymous

I have yet to make an appointment but I'm almost positive my 10 yr old son has AS. Clothing has always been an issue. Everything is "itchy" - even the softest materials seem to irritate him. He also detests shorts with buttons and zippers and refuses to wear denim.

He has an extensive vocabulary - always has - so much so that adults often laugh after having a conversation with him because he sounds wise beyond his years. Despite this fact, doing homework is TORTURE.

He has a hard time understanding instructions so I basically have to read the instructions to his assignments, which seem straightforward to me, and interpret them in language he understands. Once I do this he completes his assignments, but it takes him FOREVER. An assignment that most children could finish in 10 minutes takes my son over an hour to complete. Despite this fact he's on the honor roll, which astonishes me.

I struggled for a long time thinking he was lazy but now i truly believe he doesn't process information and take direction like most of us.

Most disturbing is his tendency to develop annoying little habits. Lately, he clears his throat as often as 6 times a minute. For a while it was humming softly. I have lost my temper and screamed and begged him to stop, but he seems incapable and I feel guilty because it's as though it's beyond his control.

He's also slow moving and a little clumsy. I used to call him my pokey puppy thinking he would outgrow his lack of coordination, but over the years he has never excelled in anything remotely athletic. He literally cannot do jumping jacks, and I was a competitive gymnast when I was a child, so it used to baffle me. Of course I love him as he is, and if anything a diagnosis of AS would answer so many questions I have about his development, or lack thereof.

On the upside, he seems to be his own person and has no problem telling people if he's not enjoying himself or doesn't like a particular activity or food, etc., so I'm not so worried about him doing bad things to fit in. He usually seems happy, almost proud even, to not fit in. He doesn't make eye contact with new people especially, and he doesn't handle affection well at all. When I hug him, he rarely hugs me back, and I know he feels uncomfortable. If any of you can relate please let me know.

May 26, 2009
Rating

SPD
by: Deb

Hi, my name is Debie and I just found out that my 6 year old daughter has SPD. It was so frustrating for both her and I. When I was at my counselors, he told me straight up what the situation was. Thank goodness there was a name for this. I thought I was going crazy and failing as a mom.

We are now in a better place. Whenever my daughter has one of her "episodes", I right away acknowledge her feeling and tell her that" I know, it must be really hard for you", and she immediately stopped and started to cry uncontrollably and melted in my arms with relief that I didn't think she was "crazy". She is such a beautiful child. What I believe we need to do as parents is to turn their mad into sad and allow them to cry.

I am now going to be homeschooling my daughter this year. I'm terrified but the schools don't understand her and already put a label on her. My job as her only trusted one is to protect her and love her unconditionally. I know this was long winded but there you have it. Good luck to everyone.

Feb 20, 2009
Rating

reply to lynn
by: vanessa

Thank you so much for your response, it means such alot. Will keep you posted on our progress and yes, would love you to keep me posted too.

Feb 20, 2009
Rating

SPD
by: Lynn

Your daughter very well could have SPD. My son was diagnosed when he was 8 years old. He is now 10 years old. His biggest problem was also his clothing. He still will not wear shirts with collars, buttons, or zippers. He has tactile defensiveness.

Your daughter needs to be evaluated by an occupational therapist. My son still struggles in school. He never brings his homework home and doesn't want to do his work. He has a hard time making friends. He has an appointment March 13th to be tested for ADD, OCD, and Asperger's syndrome.

It is so hard sometimes. I get so frustrated because of some of the things he does. His school counselor told me to try and not get upset with him because he can't help the things that he does. He has come a long way from where he started. He still has a lot of issues that need to be dealt with.

Good luck, I know how hard it is to have a child with SPD. The main thing is never give up on your child no matter what. Keep me posted on how things are going with you and I will keep you updated on my son's progress. Stay strong.

Click here to add your own comments

Join in and write your own page! It's easy to do. How?
Simply click here to return to SPD checklist

Help! Does my 8 year old have spd?...

Comments for Help! Does my 8 year old have spd?...

Comments for
Help! Does my 8 year old have spd?...