I am in tears...

by Darla
(Illinois)

I feel I have some help. My daughter will be 7 next month and I have been battling the clothes issues/socks, shoes, panties, etc, etc, etc. Her father just yells and yells (can't get him to understand). She wanted to play basketball with her friends until she found out she'd have to wear tennis shoes and not her crocs... she nixed the idea. She cant wear her coat in the car....**sigh*


Where do I go? I feel real helpless but I feel there are some answers... I would appreciate any and all advice...

Thank you - Darla in Illinois

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Jan 24, 2016
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I'm the same
by: Ella

Hi I'm Ella I'm 12 years old and I will not wear underwear when I was 5 my dad gave me a wedge and from that day on I will not wear underwear. I'm worried because I'm at that stage now we're I'm too old now.


WHAT DO I DO

Sep 15, 2014
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things that helped with sensory issues for my child
by: Kerry

She will not wear undies, socks, coats, sweatshirts. freaks when she goes potty, gets out of the bath or simply gets wet. forget the undies all together- not worh the fight. seamless socks or just stick to crocks, cut 5" squares out of thin towels for wiping after potty, pull hair up and wrap in 2 towels after bath allow for AMPLE dry time before doing anything, buy lots of the shorts she likes and when its cold- add leg warmers! these tips will help get you through the day.

Jun 18, 2014
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Coats
by: Anonymous

I also had problems in that having my coat zipped up made me really hot and restricted, but again, as a child, didn't have a choice. It got zipped up, even when I struggled and screamed. Usually zipped up from behind so I couldn't lash-out and try and pull the coat off; buttons were also done up so I couldn't pull the coat off. Lots of 'do as you're told, zip it up now. 1, 2, 3'. It got zipped up after the count of 3, as I say, from behind 'cause I'd try and pull it off.

Apr 06, 2014
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You are not alone!
by: Anonymous

My now 13 yr old could not handle a coat or any clothing tight. So oversized everything! Big coats don't feel constricting when they are zipped! Clothing is horrible, socks and pants. You adjust! Find what is right for your child. At 13 years we are stil figuring it out! Showers are our worst, but she is finally able to verbalized the issue. And an article in here helped! A shower chair and adjustable shower nozzle is in our future! Make your husband read as much as he can, or the videos on YouTube! My ex was the same, and dyslexic so he couldn't read the books, but now he is better! Good luck, and you at not alone!((hugs))

Jan 20, 2014
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Getting child to zip jacket
by: Anonymous

My daughter is definitely similar to poster above my 1st post.

She WILL wear a coat, unlike him, but similar to him, she will not zip it up beccause she "doesn't like a zipped up jacket". Now, i do take his advice by getting her to put on the Jacket and then come over to me so that I can zip it up, she doesn't argue or complain when i zip it up for her, but i know she can zip it because, i saw her do it once.

I'm not sure if its an excuse for her wanting me to do it though because at 7, she should do it herself.

Jan 19, 2014
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Outraged.
by: Anonymous

I find it remarkable that your husband just yells at the poor child, isn't he just going to make things 10 times worse :O.

I never yell at my 2 children, i have a daughter who is 6 and another one who is 9, they both know that when me or my wife say or insist on anything, it gets done.

My 2 have never had issues with clothes but i know how you feel.

In response to post below, i don't think your being harsh by warning the child that she won't be allowed out unless she zips up her jacket, you are probably right in making sure she doesn't catch a cold, my 2 know that if its raining, snowing or cold, they have to do up their jackets and wear a hat and gloves

Jan 19, 2014
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Jackets and children
by: Anonymous

My 7yr old daughter is similar to poster who posted on 21st April 2011 titled "choose your battles but insist on somethings".

It could be pouring down with rain or snowing yet she would still go outside with her jacket unzipped. I would ask her politely to zip it up but, no, she would totally ignore my order, i would then call her back, ask her one final time to zip her jacket up and warn her that she doesn't get outside until she zips it up, now some may state that i'm being harsh but i don't want her going outside without being wrapped up, especially with it being really cold in Scotland.

Again, she just totally ignored me and would head towards door until i called her back again, but this time, i would zip the jacket up myself, ask her why she ignored me to which she'd reply " i don't like a jacket zipped up", then i'd reply with "but its pouring down with rain, you need it zipped", then she'd go outside and play happily. I don't understand why she wouldn't just zip it up when i asked the 1st time because, when she's at School, i know she zips it up before going out to play.


Apr 21, 2011
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choose your battles butt insist on somethings
by: Anonymous

reading this reminds me of my days as a child in the 1980's i was very choosy about some clothes some of them i still hate and always will. i dont remember being fussy about socks. butt when it came to a coat. HELLO i hated to wear it i lost. i hated to wear it zipped up i lost that battle too someone would zip my coat for me because i would not do it. i knew how to butt id refuse too i look back on it and im glad i got zipped up and i had to wear socks. try saying to your child that there feet will be sore with no socks and when its cold outside.i would insist that there coat is zipped up even if you have to zip it for them you dont want a sick kid.im 36 years old now and dont fight about zipping up and wearing socks. anymore.

Dec 01, 2010
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seemless socks
by: Anonymous

My daughter has had issues with her socks for many years. I found seamless socks at dsw shoe outlet they are in very bright girly colors,and they are lowcut. These are the only socks my daughter can wear without a fight.

May 02, 2010
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Underwear!
by: Anonymous

Here is an update on my grandaughter. I wrote when she was 6 and a half, now she will be 8 in July. She started in a special school that requires uniforms which was great because she will only wear one outfit, it took awhile but with help from her teachers we found a dress she will wear. I had to have one made when it finally wore out. The wonderful teachers found socks that she will wear. Thank god for understanding teachers, I think she has taught them alot about SPD. She still will not wear underwear, but says if she picks them out at the store, she might wear them. We are so worried because we know she needs to wear them but its such a battle with anything new. Does anyone have any ideals? Thanks Bubby

Apr 28, 2010
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My Sensory Child
by: Anonymous

I have a 9yr old daughter with Sensory Disorder. She will not get dressed on the days she is off school, and only wears two different pajama outfits. She wore flip flops all winter long, even when we had snow and -11 degree mornings. I had to send her to school in this fashion in fear that should would want to stop going if I made her try anything different. She will not wear socks or shoes ever. She wears the same battered brown coat for security even if it's 90 degrees outside. She has missed out on sports and outings because she refuses to get dressed on the weekends. Sometimes the car seatbelt can even be challenge. She has seen OT specialist and several therapist and I have not seen any improvement. In fact she refuses to conduct any more therapy sessions. Wow! I tell myself hang in there...........

Jul 23, 2009
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Therapy
by: Anonymous

I am new to this site, not sure how much therapy if any your daughter has had. I have twins with SPD.
They had Tomatis therapy (listening therapy) worked wonders for them. They still have sensory issues but seem to be "outgrowing" them wich I know is crazy.

If you'd like more information on Tomatis or our experience, let me know. I could write hours about how helpful it has been.

Jul 23, 2009
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We understand
by: Anonymous

We all understand this battle, but it can get better. I have been a mom for 30 years and my youngest is 7 with SPD. I wonder if my older kids might have a bit of this too, but the important thing now is this:
The first thing is to take the emotion out of it. It's hard not to be afraid of of what others (especially other parents, family, friends) think. But the battles need to stop and the only way to do this is to pick which ones are really important. This will serve you well throughout all your parenting--from clothing issues, to piercings, to wedding dresses.

For now, if she wants to wear the same (clean) pair of cotton shorts and shirts that don't scratch, poke, or otherwise irritate her, let her--for now. Buy several of the same type. We know you don't care what other people think, but for some reason this can be a challenge for husbands. He probably just needs to see that other "normal" families have these same struggles and it doesn't mean is child is defective in some way--just sensitive. And I'll bet he has a few of these issues in mild form himself--like tags on shirts, loud noises, etc.

If you don't already have a good OT, get one. You will soon see your little girl's sensitivities resolve a bit and you can work toward getting socks on (maybe turning them inside out as one commenter suggested) or look for seamless socks, them moving toward sandals with velcro,and maybe soft tie shoes. If you use the verbal-behavior method, you can use rewards for each milestone she reaches--small at first, then larger.

Please know you are not alone. We have all faced these issues at some point or another to different degrees. while one child may be more sensitive to clothing than another, a different child may face the challenge of constantly bumping into things and other people (which can look like aggression to others).

We have been in OT for several months, and though the progress is slow, we cannot believe how well our 7-year-old can now run faster, hit the ball every at-bat, and ride a bike.

Keep up the good work,mom. Dad will jump on board in time. Maybe you could join a parents group through your local rehab/service group.


Jul 23, 2009
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We are battling the clothes issue too!!
by: Anonymous

We have a 41/2 year old daughter who has battled the 'clothes' issue since she was least 2! Her symptoms/behaviours change all the time as does the severity of her reaction but a brief overview includes: inability to tolerate underpants, most clothes, shoes, socks, hair tied up, seatbelt, feeling wet after going to the toilet, wet hair on her back and feeling wet after drying herself after shower. When it gets 'bad' she is very unhappy and chooses to miss out on lovely events because she can't handle getting dressed. It effects her level of participation in her life and the whole family in general. We have tried a specialist O.t., a paediatrician and currently seeing a psychologist and have had some success but it is currently not a good situation. We are concerned about next year when she starts school and has to wear a uniform, shoes and socks!! Maybe we can share strategies?
Mondy

Apr 01, 2009
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In Tears
by: Cafe Gal

Hi Darla,

I understand your frustration and often I am in tears myself. You do need to get your husband on board. Try to find how he thinks. For instance, my husband is a scientist and I think all of this sensory stuff is just a little too touchy feely for him. But, there are studies out there.

There is a man named Dr. Daniel Amen who wrote Change Your Brain, Change Your Life. He talks about how various parts of your brain are responsible for various activities. He talks a bit about sensory issues and hyperactivity. That scientific approach really connected with my husband and helped him accept more about the sensory issues.

Also, I am getting the DVD of the Out of Sync Child - a very good book. I tried asking him to read the books, but so much of it did not apply to our son, so he lost interest. Also, there are just so many hours in the day. But, I think if we can sit and watch the DVD together and comment as we go along, that will help us both get on the same page. You need everyone in the household helping. These issues take some time to go through. It is a process, but you are headed in the right direction. Good luck.

Feb 11, 2009
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seamless socks
by: Anonymous

My 5 year old daughter also will not wear socks with seams. Thanks to Stride Rite she does not have to. I think they are called "comfort fit" and a life saver.

Feb 04, 2009
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Get OT eval from school or private OT
by: Anonymous

Here's a good website as well:

http://www.spdfoundation.net/

OT will help a lot and make sure your husband gets educated about SPD too... it will help you and your daughter.

Feb 04, 2009
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I feel your pain!
by: Anonymous

This site has really made me feel like I'm not losing my mind! My daughter has problems with panties, socks, shoes (Thank God for crocs!), she won't wear her coat in the car either. If she does have her coat on, we either can't zip it, or only mid-way up or she'll freak out. I get stares from others when she's walking outside with no coat or socks. No one understands that I'm just trying to help my daughter, I'm not being a bad mother. I'm finally getting to the point where I don't care anymore. It's sad when a 2 1/2 year old would rather be cold than wear a coat and socks.

She's getting better especially the more that I find out and know. She's starting her OT soon! She put on a pair of jeans and snapped and zipped... wore them for about a minute. I thought I was going to cry!

Jan 13, 2009
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Tactile Sensory
by: Anonymous

My daughter now 8 has the exact same thing. Last summer after 7 1/2 year of frustration, tears, and comments from friends and family I decided to try an Occupational Therapist. I'm very judgmental about therapy, but went with an open mind.

I have to say, I got one that knows what she is doing. We are mainly doing heavy work, brushing, & joint compression. We are now a functioning family for about 80% of the time, which is better than about 10% of the time. Still hopeful that one day I can get it to 100% for her sake!

OMG when I feel like I can't take it anymore, I realize that is exactly how she must feel everyday without help.

Dec 29, 2008
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Socks
by: Erin

I would suggest that you put the socks inside out! That has really helped my 11 year old son. We have doing that for years - his Principal suggested it when he was in first grade. I also my all of his clothes, underwear, etc. without any tags! If they do not come without tags I just cut them off.

Dec 28, 2008
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SOCKS!!!!
by: elena

My 5 year old son was just diagnosed with SPD and cerebral palsy. Oh wow...he has so many of the symptoms. Socks are at the top of his list,though. He refuses to look at them or touch them. At least he will wear them. He won't say the word "sock" though and screams if someone else says it.

Dec 18, 2008
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check out the group if you have not
by: Anonymous

SID-DSI_AllAboutKids ยท Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD) HERE YOU WILL SEE YOU ARE IN GOOD COMPANY.

YES IT IS REAL,I have a 12 year old who takes a lot of care, she requires extra time and she has all those issues you talk of. Picking my battles a lot.

I also find that walking a line between validating and not over validating is difficult. and I hung a therapy swing and we have a exercise ball and the school says she is more upbeat and working harder at school from this therapy.

I just thought sensory stuff was just the way it feels, now I realize that it goes much deeper.It effects more then they just don't like the way it feels.

I have been a constant defender of my daughters behavior and keep learning. Everyone... its never to late or early. Imagine all the kids that never got the opportunity to understand themselves.

Smile and take a breath, all of us here are in this together.

Dec 18, 2008
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I know exactly how you feel! Inadequate.
by: Bubby

I have a 6year old granddaughter that still won't wear underwear, just recently started wearing socks with her boots, no tennis shoes,she won't wear them. Her boots stunk so bad that the school nurse called and told us she could no longer wear those boots, so we had to go to 5 different stores to find ones exactly like them!!!

She will not get dressed at all if she knows its not a school day, wears my husbands t-shirts all day. Does she have problems with getting her hair washed and brushed! That is still a problem with her. She refuses to brush her teeth. I don't know what were going to do when she gets older. Bubby

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