I am in tears...

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I am in tears...

by Darla
(Illinois)

I feel I have some help. My daughter will be 7 next month and I have been battling the clothes issues/socks, shoes, panties, etc, etc, etc. Her father just yells and yells (can't get him to understand). She wanted to play basketball with her friends until she found out she'd have to wear tennis shoes and not her crocs... she nixed the idea. She cant wear her coat in the car....**sigh*

Where do I go? I feel real helpless but I feel there are some answers... I would appreciate any and all advice...

Thank you - Darla in Illinois

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I am in tears...

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Jul 23, 2009
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Therapy
by: Anonymous

I am new to this site, not sure how much therapy if any your daughter has had. I have twins with SPD.
They had Tomatis therapy (listening therapy) worked wonders for them. They still have sensory issues but seem to be "outgrowing" them wich I know is crazy.
If you'd like more information on Tomatis or our experience, let me know. I could write hours about how helpful it has been.

Jul 23, 2009
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We understand
by: Anonymous

We all understand this battle, but it can get better. I have been a mom for 30 years and my youngest is 7 with SPD. I wonder if my older kids might have a bit of this too, but the important thing now is this:
The first thing is to take the emotion out of it. It's hard not to be afraid of of what others (especially other parents, family, friends) think. But the battles need to stop and the only way to do this is to pick which ones are really important. This will serve you well throughout all your parenting--from clothing issues, to piercings, to wedding dresses.

For now, if she wants to wear the same (clean) pair of cotton shorts and shirts that don't scratch, poke, or otherwise irritate her, let her--for now. Buy several of the same type. We know you don't care what other people think, but for some reason this can be a challenge for husbands. He probably just needs to see that other "normal" families have these same struggles and it doesn't mean is child is defective in some way--just sensitive. And I'll bet he has a few of these issues in mild form himself--like tags on shirts, loud noises, etc.

If you don't already have a good OT, get one. You will soon see your little girl's sensitivities resolve a bit and you can work toward getting socks on (maybe turning them inside out as one commenter suggested) or look for seamless socks, them moving toward sandals with velcro,and maybe soft tie shoes. If you use the verbal-behavior method, you can use rewards for each milestone she reaches--small at first, then larger.

Please know you are not alone. We have all faced these issues at some point or another to different degrees. while one child may be more sensitive to clothing than another, a different child may face the challenge of constantly bumping into things and other people (which can look like aggression to others).

We have been in OT for several months, and though the progress is slow, we cannot believe how well our 7-year-old can now run faster, hit the ball every at-bat, and ride a bike.

Keep up the good work,mom. Dad will jump on board in time. Maybe you could join a parents group through your local rehab/service group.

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Jul 23, 2009
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Submitted by: Anonymous

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We all understand this battle, but it can get better. I have been a mom for 30 years and my youngest is 7 with SPD. I wonder if my older kids might have a bit of this too, but the important thing now is this: The first thing is to take the emotion out of it. It's hard not to be afraid of of what others (especially other parents, family, friends) think. But the battles need to stop and the only way to do this is to pick which ones are really important. This will serve you well throughout all your parenting--from clothing issues, to piercings, to wedding dresses. For now, if she wants to wear the same (clean) pair of cotton shorts and shirts that don't scratch, poke, or otherwise irritate her, let her--for now. Buy several of the same type. We know you don't care what other people think, but for some reason this can be a challenge for husbands. He probably just needs to see that other "normal" families have these same struggles and it doesn't mean is child is defective in some way--just sensitive. And I'll bet he has a few of these issues in mild form himself--like tags on shirts, loud noises, etc. If you don't already have a good OT, get one. You will soon see your little girl's sensitivities resolve a bit and you can work toward getting socks on (maybe turning them inside out as one commenter suggested) or look for seamless socks, them moving toward sandals with velcro,and maybe soft tie shoes. If you use the verbal-behavior method, you can use rewards for each milestone she reaches--small at first, then larger. Please know you are not alone. We have all faced these issues at some point or another to different degrees. while one child may be more sensitive to clothing than another, a different child may face the challenge of constantly bumping into things and other people (which can look like aggression to others). We have been in OT for several months, and though the progress is slow, we cannot believe how well our 7-year-old can now run faster, hit the ball every at-bat, and ride a bike. Keep up the good work,mom. Dad will jump on board in time. Maybe you could join a parents group through your local rehab/service group.

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Jul 23, 2009
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We are battling the clothes issue too!!
by: Anonymous

We have a 41/2 year old daughter who has battled the 'clothes' issue since she was least 2! Her symptoms/behaviours change all the time as does the severity of her reaction but a brief overview includes: inability to tolerate underpants, most clothes, shoes, socks, hair tied up, seatbelt, feeling wet after going to the toilet, wet hair on her back and feeling wet after drying herself after shower. When it gets 'bad' she is very unhappy and chooses to miss out on lovely events because she can't handle getting dressed. It effects her level of participation in her life and the whole family in general. We have tried a specialist O.t., a paediatrician and currently seeing a psychologist and have had some success but it is currently not a good situation. We are concerned about next year when she starts school and has to wear a uniform, shoes and socks!! Maybe we can share strategies?
Mondy

Apr 01, 2009
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In Tears
by: Cafe Gal

Hi Darla,

I understand your frustration and often I am in tears myself. You do need to get your husband on board. Try to find how he thinks. For instance, my husband is a scientist and I think all of this sensory stuff is just a little too touchy feely for him. But, there are studies out there.

There is a man named Dr. Daniel Amen who wrote Change Your Brain, Change Your Life. He talks about how various parts of your brain are responsible for various activities. He talks a bit about sensory issues and hyperactivity. That scientific approach really connected with my husband and helped him accept more about the sensory issues.

Also, I am getting the DVD of the Out of Sync Child - a very good book. I tried asking him to read the books, but so much of it did not apply to our son, so he lost interest. Also, there are just so many hours in the day. But, I think if we can sit and watch the DVD together and comment as we go along, that will help us both get on the same page. You need everyone in the household helping. These issues take some time to go through. It is a process, but you are headed in the right direction. Good luck.

Feb 11, 2009
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seamless socks
by: Anonymous

My 5 year old daughter also will not wear socks with seams. Thanks to Stride Rite she does not have to. I think they are called "comfort fit" and a life saver.

Feb 04, 2009
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Get OT eval from school or private OT
by: Anonymous

Here's a good website as well:

http://www.spdfoundation.net/

OT will help a lot and make sure your husband gets educated about SPD too... it will help you and your daughter.

Feb 04, 2009
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I feel your pain!
by: Anonymous

This site has really made me feel like I'm not losing my mind! My daughter has problems with panties, socks, shoes (Thank God for crocs!), she won't wear her coat in the car either. If she does have her coat on, we either can't zip it, or only mid-way up or she'll freak out. I get stares from others when she's walking outside with no coat or socks. No one understands that I'm just trying to help my daughter, I'm not being a bad mother. I'm finally getting to the point where I don't care anymore. It's sad when a 2 1/2 year old would rather be cold than wear a coat and socks.

She's getting better especially the more that I find out and know. She's starting her OT soon! She put on a pair of jeans and snapped and zipped... wore them for about a minute. I thought I was going to cry!

Jan 13, 2009
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Tactile Sensory
by: Anonymous

My daughter now 8 has the exact same thing. Last summer after 7 1/2 year of frustration, tears, and comments from friends and family I decided to try an Occupational Therapist. I'm very judgmental about therapy, but went with an open mind.

I have to say, I got one that knows what she is doing. We are mainly doing heavy work, brushing, & joint compression. We are now a functioning family for about 80% of the time, which is better than about 10% of the time. Still hopeful that one day I can get it to 100% for her sake!

OMG when I feel like I can't take it anymore, I realize that is exactly how she must feel everyday without help.

Dec 29, 2008
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Socks
by: Erin

I would suggest that you put the socks inside out! That has really helped my 11 year old son. We have doing that for years - his Principal suggested it when he was in first grade. I also my all of his clothes, underwear, etc. without any tags! If they do not come without tags I just cut them off.

Dec 28, 2008
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SOCKS!!!!
by: elena

My 5 year old son was just diagnosed with SPD and cerebral palsy. Oh wow...he has so many of the symptoms. Socks are at the top of his list,though. He refuses to look at them or touch them. At least he will wear them. He won't say the word "sock" though and screams if someone else says it.

Dec 18, 2008
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check out the group if you have not
by: Anonymous

SID-DSI_AllAboutKids � Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD) HERE YOU WILL SEE YOU ARE IN GOOD COMPANY.

YES IT IS REAL,I have a 12 year old who takes a lot of care, she requires extra time and she has all those issues you talk of. Picking my battles a lot.

I also find that walking a line between validating and not over validating is difficult. and I hung a therapy swing and we have a exercise ball and the school says she is more upbeat and working harder at school from this therapy.

I just thought sensory stuff was just the way it feels, now I realize that it goes much deeper.It effects more then they just don't like the way it feels.

I have been a constant defender of my daughters behavior and keep learning. Everyone... its never to late or early. Imagine all the kids that never got the opportunity to understand themselves.

Smile and take a breath, all of us here are in this together.

Dec 18, 2008
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I know exactly how you feel! Inadequate.
by: Bubby

I have a 6year old granddaughter that still won't wear underwear, just recently started wearing socks with her boots, no tennis shoes,she won't wear them. Her boots stunk so bad that the school nurse called and told us she could no longer wear those boots, so we had to go to 5 different stores to find ones exactly like them!!!

She will not get dressed at all if she knows its not a school day, wears my husbands t-shirts all day. Does she have problems with getting her hair washed and brushed! That is still a problem with her. She refuses to brush her teeth. I don't know what were going to do when she gets older. Bubby

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I am in tears...

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I am in tears...