Miserable

by Jordan
(Oklahoma)

I've grown very angry and bitter towards my mom because she seems to be the only one who produces my triggers. The way she coughs, chews her gum and when she talks in general. When she talks I can hear the spit in her voice and any p or b words she says make me literally enraged. I feel so bad for her because it's not her fault, but it's not really mine either. I can't have a conversation with her without having an anxiety attack almost! It's depressing because I love her so much, but I can't even talk to her or hug her. We went to go get family pictures and I couldn't even finish the session, because when she smiled next to my face I could hear the spit in her mouth. I have prayed for my misophonia to go away, but it still won't..

I also have a problem with touch. I can't touch "soft dirt" or really fine powdery sand. Something like cooking flour would really make me freak out if on my hands or feet. I have to wash them right away.