My heart is breaking for my daughter!

by Elizabeth
(Burlington)

I have a six year old that won't wear clothes. In the summer when school is out, off come the clothes. This past summer my daughter wore one bathing suit all summer or wouldn't wear anything at all.


My mother in-law went out and spent $350.00 on new bathing suits, shoes, dresses, anything we thought my daughter would wear. My daughter promised she would wear a new outfit to school everyday. That has not happened.

It is now January, my daughter has two pairs of underwear, two pairs of tights without feet, and two shirts that she will wear.
Sometimes she has a hard time to get dressed even in the outfits she will wear.

Things get difficult when there is a holiday, she will wear the same outfit the whole holiday, ie. Pajamas. It is breaking my heart to see her so out of control. Once you force her to put clothes on and put her in the car without a choice she becomes a different person. It is getting over putting clothes on she just can't do it.

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May 25, 2015
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Time is all you need.
by: Beth Smits

My daughter is almost 11 now. She still has issues with clothes. I no longer stress about what she wears. As long as she has clothes on. For all of you parents that have children with this problem, take a deep breath and know it will not last forever. Don't worry about what anyone says. Unless they have a child with this issue, they cannot understand. With time it has gotten easier. Big hugs and try yoga if you need help dealing with the stress of this.

Oct 23, 2012
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Hope this helps
by: Beth Smits

Going to bed at 8pm is going to help you. Have a routine in the morning like you can watch a half hour show before getting dressed. Leave an extra half hour so you don't have to rush or yell.

This year has been so much better. My daughter is now eight. She still only wears one outfit and I have come to terms with that. I make sure I wash her clothes each night.

My daughter knows there are certain things that are a must, shoes, underwear, shirt, skirt or pants. We do not back down on those things. If she needs clothes I suggest a second hand store.

My daughter can transition into soft clothes but has a hard time with new rough clothing. I hope some of this helps. Feel free to email me even if just for support. elliesmits72@gmail.com

Oct 22, 2012
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My daughter needs help
by: Anonymous

Oh my goodness I am going through the exact same thing. I am at my witts end with my beautiful daughter. She wears two pair of underwear the same shoes, two pair of socks and two pair of shorts... it's getting cold and she won't wear pants.. she NEEDS a bra but I can't get her to wear that either. It's tears and yelling and crying and begging every morning. I need help and don't know where to turn.

May 09, 2011
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My daughter has problems finding time with her mother since she married
by: Anonymous

Help, my daughter is a beautiful , respectful young lady, however since she married and has made a life with her husband it is very difficult for us to find time during holidays including mothers day. The problem is that instead of her being with my family such as her grandmother and aunts she is always stuck having to be with his mother for most of the holidays. The son in law is used to being with his mother , they moved close to his mother therefore able to see the grandkids much more then my family and myself. If I go to her home or she comes around my home it is time limited due to her having to leave for their family event planned that day.

Since she has been with him no more is there a complete day of a holiday for this side of the family. I do to know what to do or how to handles this. It has certainly put a dent on our relationship. I do not think she is happy but thinks she is married and this is how it has to be. I know it does not have to be this way. I myself had a husband and a mother in law and never had these issues. My sisters are both married and it never caused these issues. I think she does not know how to scheduled her time with her inlaw and immediate family such as her mother without hurting anyone. But it is hurting herself and me. PLEASE HELP WHAT DO YOU SUGGEST.

Mar 22, 2011
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Yesterday was a difficult day!
by: Beth Smits

I never imagined this problem ever. My daughter has high blood pressure and is suffering from anxiety which I believe is causing the high blood pressure.

Yesterday I took my daughter to a Pediatrician and they suggested medication. I don't think my husband will choose that option and I am feeling quite helpless at the moment.

I suffered from depression all my life and my father didn't believe in therapy or medication. I tried to kill myself when I was 15 and didn't get help until I was in my 30's. I believe it was anxiety that caused my depression and I just don't want the same thing to happen to my daughter.
She still only will wear one outfit. Last week we took her to buy new shoes and it was a total nightmare.

My heart breaks for her as I know without help it will only get worse. I had to take medication for about 2 and a half years and I know that sometimes that is what is needed. I just don't know how to convince my husband to at least try the medication. Any suggestions?

Mar 20, 2011
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I'm beginning to 'get it'... thanks!
by: Donna

I am so relieved to read your comments and tips. Thank you!!! I have been going out of my tree especially over the past few weeks trying to understand my daughter, and figure out what to do about her clothing issues. I could give you all a hug... I can face tomorrow with some ideas.

I notice that quite a lot of people talk about their 6/7 year olds. My daughter is 7 in a few months time, and I have noticed a huge change in her ability to tolerate clothes lately (socks, underpants, waistbands etc). It's always been there, quite obviously when she was tired, but is everyday at the moment. Is that common?

Bless you.

Feb 16, 2011
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Thank You for replying!
by: Anonymous

Thank you for those tips i will be sure to try them out and i will definitely try that book.

I would love to email you and just have a chat as it is nice to know that somebody has been or is going through the same things as me.
I was so happy to see that somebody had replied as just a little understanding would help our family alot.

Thank you so much. x

Feb 15, 2011
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You are not alone
by: Anonymous

I completely understand! Since posting this I have taken my daughter for some professional help. I suggest you do the same. It is a slow process but getting that ball rolling sooner then later is going to be a benefit to your whole family.

I thought it was a sensory issue but the professionals think it is O.C.D.
I started reading a book called Freeing your child from Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, regardless if it is O.C.D or not, I am finding the book is helping me to understand.

Number one, let your daughter know the problem is not her fault. Try talking to her about the problem, see if you and your daughter can come up with a name for it. This will help her separate the problem from herself, so she doesn't feel like it is her fault.

I know how hard this is for you, just remember you are not alone. Feel free to email me for support
bethsmits@hotmail.com
All the best!

Feb 14, 2011
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I would like to talk to you
by: Anonymous

I would be very interested to talk to you, as your daughters problems are exactly the same as my 7 year olds, she wears the same thing to school all week and has no underwear that she finds comfy. We would be lucky to get her to wear a long sleeve top in the winter and she often doesn't wear socks.She has not been to school for 3 weeks due to these problems as she can only seem to get on a pair of baggy hareem pants and one top. She would be devastated if she had to wear them to school.

I would be very interested in talking to you as nobody except for my other daughter understand.
Please reply as I dont no what else i can do and maybe you have some ideas for me.
Thanks.

From Desperate Mummy.

Jan 28, 2011
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clothing sensitivity
by: Anonymous

Hello

I am an adult who have had clothing sensitivity all my life. I have hardly ever been able to tolerate wearing underwear. It is not so much the texture but more the fit of the underwear that drive me absolute crazy. The uncomfortableness consumes me to the point I cannot function and obsess about the feeling non stop. It is a real handicap that impacts on my sense of life quality. I also do not like a tight fit under my arms for lower waist. A tight fit starts to hurt after a while.

I have an extremely hard time to find a comfortable fit for pants. I am so tired of living with this issue which doesn't go away. Makes it hard to shop when I just desire to dress well and fashionably. I have to try almost the whole store on before I find only one item. I cannot stand nylon synthetics that many winter coats are made off. I hate the feeling and the sounds it makes. I have always thought there was something severely wrong here but have never known a name for it or others who have the same condition. I cut out the labels. I try to shop for mostly cotton and look for a comfortable fit and I have given up on wearing underwear which can be tricky at times. My dream is just to be normal.

Jan 19, 2011
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compression clothing
by: Anonymous

Have you thought of trying compression clothing or work out clothing with spandex? One of these might give your child the tight feeling she is seeking without leaving the red marks. Good luck!

Jan 06, 2011
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clothes
by: Anonymous

My daughter is 7 now and has changed completely from wearing jeans and sweat pants to now only wearing dresses. I don't mind if she wears dresses except on gym days at school. One day she came home from school and had a nasty bruise from the rug in the gym on her knee.

Now when she puts on pants-jeans she wants them so tights that it makes red marks on her body. When I ask her she just says" they aren't tight enough"

Help..

Jan 05, 2011
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Forgot to add
by: DebbieKinIL

My DD also promises to wear her new stuff even after habitation (often it doesn't happen) but if she does wear them, she gets a point toward a reward.

Make the reward really, really, big- also having some distraction when dressing and allowing a long extra time to get dressed helps. If the habitation does not work- take the clothes back- I can not tell how many times I have taken all the clothes back on the receipt and then....argh.... start all over again.

I let my DD de-stress by wearing a fav old item after a new one is successfully worn- the reward point is given when the item is worn longer than 2 hours...

I only line dry my DD clothes- on hangers in my laundry area- I never use a dryer on her stuff- I stretch out the clothes so that they are comfy.

Watch the weather- is you DD sensitive to barometric pressure changes? If she is, then on those days of extreme pressure swings- she will have a tough time. On extra tough days additional, hugs, jumping up and down in place, brushing, and pushing pressure points may help - but in my DD case it was just a little. We say at our house- "everyone is have a rough or grouchy day because of the weather." LOL- true, true, true, Get with your OT for more techniques on tactile defensiveness.

We also went to a child therapist that worked with my DD on getting her into different clothes. She had my DD try on in her office ---pants!!! when she was only wearing dresses - one of the 2 that she could wear- It really worked getting this outside help.

We found that Justice was a good place to start for clothes shopping- a wide variety of styles of "comfy" clothes. But you will find the right item- like the swim suit and then buy additional ones- but not too many cause she is growing.

IMHO- our kids are growing physically and mentally so much from babies to pre-teen it is really tough and then puberty!!! awk!!!. In the teen years it gets better cause the physical growth slows down.

As for dressing up for special occasions- we don't any more- especially my DD- we realize how difficult it is- so it is OK to wear you daily stuff - as long as it is clean. And maybe add a little sparkle with jewelry or something like that. At your DD's age it really should make a big difference. Let your relative know that your DD is clothes sensitive and that it "hurts" on some clothes.

Really, my DD cried at home, when she tried on some of the new clothes she selected as feeling right. She said it "hurts" I said take them off and we'll try a little later - after you have played outside (large motor stuff- like jumping rope, or running with the dog, or on the trampoline-etc) and I say it's OK- You WILL do it.... You can and what about that reward??? You deserve it..

Jan 05, 2011
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It will get better
by: DebbieKinIL

I went through the same thing with my DD. She is now almost 12. It seems to get a little better as the kids get older.

My DD is very clothing defensiveness. On clothes buying, here's tip.

First identify the area of sensitivity- legs, waist, feet, arms. Ask her why the bathing suit feels "right". (My DD is very sensitive around her waist and pants,and underwear must come very high up over her waist. Leotards and one piece swimsuits were worn as underwear.)

The armed with your DD clothes info- go shopping and only buy 3 outfits. Have her try on everything at the store to see if feels OK. Then at home keep the tags on the clothes and do habitation. We did 3-4 sessions (one session a day ) of clothes wearing with tags on- for 10-15 minutes each. if at the end of the 4th day, your DD is OK with the set of clothes- then she gets to keep them- tags come off- It is always a good sign when you come home from a clothes shopping trip that your DD wants to immediately wear the clothes- let her -even if it is a fancy dress or tights or swim suit.

Tell your family- that your child has clothes sensitivity- and they should not buy her clothes- ever...if they want to buy girly stuff- then maybe hair stuff, nail polish, jewelry, purses (if you DD can tolerate them). My DD "changed" her outfit by painting her nails and changing jewelry- even if it was only for a hour.

Also let your DD know that she is not alone- many kids have clothes sensitivity- can't tolerate tags, loose or tight clothes, or arms covered. No big deal when asked by other kids, just let them know in a low key way.

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