Does anyone have any suggestions? I would like to think that I've already tried every style of bra out there.... including tanks, cami's, and even the tops of two piece bathing suits. My daughter, who has S.I.D. is going to be in the 10th grade. It's time we find something that works for her. I open to all suggestions. Thanks!
Don't make her wear one. Bras are to feel comfortable. And they aren't.
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I have to check her bra compliance! by: Anonymous
She tries to sneak out without one...says they're uncomfortable. She also has to wear her headgear at least 18 hours a day and this is an even bigger problem! I can understand it's painful and embarrassing but she would not comply so the orthodontist installed a headgear timer which seems to be solving the problem.She now wears it at school all the time and does not take it off in the middle of the night to be sneaky. I told her that she has to wear her headgear at all times except sleeping and eating PS she has gotta start wearing that bra though!
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Tactile and Bras by: Carol
Wow! it's good to hear there are others who are miserable wearing those damn bras. (I didn't know I was tactile until I was 43 and had to deal with my daughter being tactile.)
School was so frustrating and I was the last to wear a bra in my class, and that was a old wore out bra from my sister. The only thing I could stand. I still look desperately for the right bra that I can feel comfortable in. I don't like jeans either, give me stretch pants any day.
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nipple covers or band-aids by: Anonymous
I have never been able to stand wearing a bra, and luckily was not forced to when a minor and can choose not to now. (I don't have especially large breasts, so it's not at all uncomfortable not to be "supported" -- I'm 46 and they still support themselves quite well.)
I have always been modest in my clothing choices, however; but there is no inherent conflict with my not wearing a bra. If I am wearing a top that my nipples would show through, I just cover my nipples with those nipple covers one can buy (not stripper pasties -- the ones they sell in dept. stores that look like flowers w/ petals). Or if I am short on funds, with Band-aids, which are vastly cheaper and work just as well.
It's visible nipples that are generally considered too sexually provocative in America, not absence of a bra per se. (I mean, if you think about it, a bra does nothing to hide one's bosom; it actually makes it more prominent by padding the breasts with an extra layer of padded cloth. Some people need them for support, I gather; I don't, thank God. And I'm 46, so I can say by now that going without a bra does not *make* them saggy -- I am a B-Cup and I still flunk the pencil test.)
If that is an option you even vaguely think your daughter is willing to entertain, by all means suggest it.
It will keep her from showing the part of the breast considered the sexual part through thin clothes; and if she doesn't need the support, she doesn't need a bra; if she does need the support, it's because it's uncomfortable to go without it, and the discomfort of that will either outweigh the discomfort of a bra or vice-versa. Either way, she should be allowed to be comfortable, since she is not being inappropriate if her nipples are not poking about visibly.
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I know how she feels!! by: Anonymous
I am sorry you are going through this as a parent. But as a 44 yr old with the same problem, I can understand your daughter's pain and suffering. I absolutely cannot wear a bra! I cannot tolerate anything binding me around my torso. Check into body-shaping camisoles. While they are not exactly comfortable, I am able to tolerate them better than a bra. And, if you don't suffer from the same problem, please, please understand that your daughter would probably love to be able to wear a bra like "normal" people do. It is something she cannot help and trying to "get used to it" would be like trying to "get used to" an ice pick in your eye. Good luck to you and your daughter!!
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Clasp in front by: Anonymous
Assuming she's big enough to really need a bra, I recommend the clasp in front. If she doesn't like the shoulder strap these do come in racer backs. Wireless may help but it depends from person to person. I've found that the "smooth" bras work better sometimes, the ones meant to dodge bra lines. I rarely need a bra (it?s truly a confidence and comfort thing, I only feel one is necessary when I wear very thin fabrics or exercise) but when I do wear one it's a clasp in front, no wire, and racer back smooth bra because it's the hardest to feel.
Good luck
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It's not easy by: mom of 3
I also have sensory issues and am 33yrs old. I wish it was as easy as just wear it and you will get used to it. I will literally scratch myself til I bleed if I wear a bra. I've tried them all and have never found one I can stand. Even the tanks with built in bras, sports bras etc make me insane. I wear tighter tank tops most of the time and have found ways of cutting the back portion of the shelf bra tanks that work better for me when I need the lift. I can remember as a teen wishing I could have my breasts removed because I was so miserable with the arguing with my parents, being forced to wear bras that killed me and in general having a very low self esteem due to it all. I still have major self esteem problems and even finding clothes it horrible. I buy clothes 2 sizes to big to cover up my breasts because I know they are saggy and not attractive.
I do worry so much because my daughter who's almost 10 has the same problems. She and I have worked the clothing part out ok but bra's are in the near future and I'm terrified. I understand how she feels and why but I know from 1st hand experience that we have to find a better solution and soon.
You might talk to a sensory doctor and see what they recommend. I hope you find something to help. This is not easy to live with or be a parent to.
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bras are harmful to your health by: Anonymous
I refuse to let my daughter wear a bra. When she turns 18 she can wear whatever she wants, but until then she is going to be bra less. Bras are not good to your health. Scientists have proven that breast cancer and cystic fibrosis comes from wearing bras. Bras do nothing for supporting the breasts. For thousands of years women did not wear bras or anything else to support the bra. Bras are not necessary and really are harmful.
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Quit telling me what to do mom! by: Anonymous
It sounds like you have been a picky-sticky type of mom and your daughter is not going to let you tell her that she has to wear a certain underwear. She figures that nobody has that right. She hates shops, but does she hate them without you along? Rebellion at the ski slopes is not at others, but at you and your authority. She figures that your trying to run her life and she is drawing the line with her under-clothes. It's her body, she tells you. You have a better chance at reason if you just leave her alone and stop worrying about her so much. Maybe you need a hobby so you she doesn't think you are always around the corner trying to catch her at something. Earn her respect through your own self confidence. This is all about control.
Tell her if she wants to go with-out a bra that it's her decision and you don't care. End it there and she will come around to the logic of the device anyway. Especially when her friends start to influence her and she gets tired of being looked at. Many teen girls will "flop around" for a wile until they realize that they prefer a little more dignity. Forget about the clothing stores, but take her out more in public so she can get to feeling slightly uncomfortable with people looking at her............she will want a bra, believe me, just maybe not one you picked out. You could always show her some pictures of a 50 year old ex-hippie girl and tell her she better stock up on the syrup for those pancakes! (smile) good luck !
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Hates bra idea by: Anonymous
We have the bra problem with our 12 year old and feel quite helpless. She will not even try on the 6 different types I have bought, she does not care what people think. (She hates shops)We have also just gone skiing (we live in a hot climate) and it was a night mare trying to get her to wear warm clothing, the family do not ever want to take her somewhere cold again. She hates deep pressure as well as light pressure.
I think that her sensory issues have become worse as she reaches puberty has anyone else found the same? My husband believes that we should do nothing and hope one day she realizes that she needs a bra - what do others think? LN
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I am 16 with the same problem.. by: Anonymous
I just found out about Tactile Dysfunction and i believe i have it. Let your daughter know, she is not alone. I though i was and that something was wrong with me. I thought it was sensory issues because i have always had trouble with socks, underwear, tags, itchy clothing.. and bras. I have found that the wire in the bra is what is causing the discomfort! I suggest that your daughter doesn't wear underwire bras it makes ALL the difference.
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same problem! by: Anonymous
I'm having this very problem with my 11 year old at the moment. She's quite advanced for her age, developmentally and it's hard trying to get her to wear a bra even though she understands why it's important. She's in the school show as a dancer soon too and I cringe at the thought of her at practices whilst not wearing anything under her shirt. It's a great idea to get a trusted teacher involved who can do the 'policing' of the issue when us parents aren't around, even if it's just helping to get a bra on our girls when it's desperately needed...often this can lead to them 'getting used to it' and then we're hopefully almost there, even if its only for a little while. Unfortunately too often it's hard to explain why she wont wear it and she gets embarrassed that we talk to anyone about it. The whole tactile defensiveness is made so much more difficult to address as children get older as the hormones kick in and mood swings start etc..sometimes nothing you seem to do or say is right for them. Take heart though, we're not on our own and hopefully with our patience and understanding our children will grow up to be amazing adults x
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Racer back? by: Mom2Kate
I am having the same problems with my 10 year old who is just starting to need one. The counselor at school talked to her about why she would need it and she was a little more receptive than when I told her the same things. We tried on several and she told me she didn't like the strap over her shoulder blades, so we have looked high and low for racer backs that aren't the pullover sports bras (those are too tight and she doesn't like them). We finally found one that was racer back that she can wear, problem is there was only one in her size, so we are still trying to find more just like it.
Good luck!
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bra suggestions and alternatives by: Anonymous
Have you tried tank tops and other shirts with built in bras? I'm 25 and still deal with being tactile defensive. I'll admit that bras still bug me unless they're sports bras or the built in tanks. Depending on your daughters size she could try layering tank tops underneath her clothes.
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Keep trying by: Anonymous
It's important that your DD wears a bra. First, her reputation- at this age- well it tough if the other kids get the wrong impression. Second, what is she doing for gym class? Does she have to change into gym clothes with others?
Have you tried a leotard under the clothes? It may help. Also ask your DD about what is hurting her with bras or things on her top. It maybe something that you can work around- I'm thinking strap perfect straps to pull the bra's straps up and out away from her sides, and things like that.
Also, I know at this age, peer pressure is very high. Can you use this as a starting point to try again with a bra or something underneath?
Let her know that she can change when she comes home from school. Use habitation, and give a reward greater than her resistance.
I hope any of these ideas help.
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hard phase by: Anonymous
Goodness, what a difficult dilemma. If she refuses to wear anything tight under her clothes, could she get away with wearing over-layers such as a fleece vest (weather permitting)? I met one mother who was successful with a body suit (like for ballet or wrestling). Keep trying & good luck.
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Why ever? by: Anonymous
Why ever do you want to force your daughter to wear a bra? Just leave her braless. Even D or F cupsizes can go braless without problems and did so until a mere 80-85 years ago! The bra is a modern and very recent invention.
So just leave that thing off.
And no, that is NOT some sort of illness not to want to wear a restricting, unhealthy garment your body never was meant to be bound up in. It is just about as unhealthy and unnatural as tiny (crippled) bound Chinese feet or the displaced organs within a female corset or a wooden peg through the nose.
