My teen refuses to wear a bra.

by Mag
(S.Cal.)

Does anyone have any suggestions? I would like to think that I've already tried every style of bra out there.... including tanks, cami's, and even the tops of two piece bathing suits. My daughter, who has S.I.D. is going to be in the 10th grade. It's time we find something that works for her.

I open to all suggestions.
Thanks!

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Aug 21, 2016
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Other bra options - even for the well-endowed
by: CMHValex

Okay, so I understand the issues of a dis-proportionally large chest (36J - I have to shop online as stores just don't carry that size). I also hate bras. They are restricting, uncomfortable, and give me rib and shoulder pain no matter how cushy the straps are, etc. But I also get that letting them free-hang, especially when in public or being active, is not very comfortable either. For me, at least.

I have three recommendations: 1) get a spaghetti-strap undershirt (I bought mine at Walmart for like 3-5 bucks each) in a size that is comfortable but snug and wear it (or double up) under a shirt, 2) get a comfortable sports bra, maybe in a racer-back style (I bought the size that would best cover my cup area at Walmart for 2 for 10 bucks and folded over and sewed down the band to fit underneath), or 3) try using a scarf as a bra (look up tying instructions and videos online - I prefer the bandeau style knotted in the front between the boobs and you can probably find the scarves for 3-5 bucks at Walmart or a Dollar Store or something) under a shirt.

The undershirts and the bandeau style scarf will not lift, but they will hold the boobs mostly down and in place so they don't swing wildly or flop around. Also - bras don't prevent sagging. Sagging happens because of boob weight, age, or both. Mine are definitely lower than is fashionable simply because of how big they are. But as long as I am comfortable, I don't care much.

And honestly - lots of women wear bras that are the wrong size or are so worn out their boobs are droopy even though they are wearing a bra. As long as they aren't bouncing everywhere, most people won't notice you are not wearing a bra from their positioning.

Jul 06, 2016
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Chest Binding?
by: Anonymous

I'm 15 and have sensory processing disorder. Does your daughter like deep pressure? Personally, deep pressure helps me to concentrate and I know it helps a lot of sensory kids too. The best thing I've found to wear is therefore a chest binder. They are usually marketed at transgender men but I find they are the only thing I am comfortable in. You can find them at companies such as Underworks. It obviously depends on what it is about bras that your daughter doesn't like, but for me it was the feeling of the straps and the lack of pressure (plus, not wearing a bra isn't an option because "bouncing" is sensory hell). I recommended at least checking chest binders out as an option.

Jun 18, 2016
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Teenform Bras
by: Anonymous

Do any mothers remember this make of training bra?
I was put into them by my mother in the 80's starting with a Littlest Darling bra, which had lace gro-cups and then white Young Secret bras which had my first proper cups! My daughter is now coming to an age to start to need her first training bra and as these are sadly no longer made if anyone can recommend a alternative?

Jun 02, 2016
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Acctual bra Size
by: Anonymous

Many women feel more comfortable wearing bras in public because they either minimize or accentuate their breasts with bras. Worst case, if you're in a situation where only a bra will do, then wear one if that makes you comfortable. But: You make that decision.
http://www.apparelshopusa.com/8_just-my-size

May 31, 2016
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Bras.....
by: Anonymous

I'm 13 and I haven't worn a bra, my boobs starting developing when I was in Year 6 and my mum bought me some sports bras but I wouldn't wear them.

My boobs got a lot bigger since then and now I'm Year 8 and I still don't wear one, I tried the sports bras on but now they're too small, my boobs stretch the fabric and they burst over the top, but I have no choice to wear them to school because you can see my nipples through clothing and people stare.

I also just started my period and my mum doesn't know, my boobs hurt so much when I walk and my stomach kills. I'm afraid if I ask my mum she will be angry because I tried to ask before but she just shook her head and said I didn't need one even though she can see my breasts through tank tops, help!

May 29, 2016
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don't worry about it
by: Anonymous

I don't think you should worry about it bras aren't really needed I think they are just a waste of money

May 29, 2016
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I hope this helps
by: Anonymous

Hi I am so sorry about the struggles that you are going through. I know you said that you don't have a lot of money but do you live near a town? Or a primark? Because in primark are some really soft (they come in different colours) sports bras but they are not tight around your body and they are only £3.50! These bras solved my problem and they would be great for all the sports that you do. If you can't go to town or primark have you got a female friend or aunt, cousin etc that could go for you? I hope this helps.

May 27, 2016
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I have a problem!
by: Anonymous

I have a problem. Im 12 almost 13. Im a tomboy - always been a tomboy. All my friends are boys. I play sports. I play the most football, basketball, soccer, bike riding and running races with my friends. The problem is my boobs came. They came so fast. Last year I was flat chested playing sports with my friends.

My dad left when I was 4 and my mom says I wont need a bra till Im 17. We dont have much money either. I have 2 brothers (twins) age 9 and a little sister 7. They need to be taken care of too. We dont have much food after the 20th of the month or so - so I dont think I can get a bra now. I dont know what size my boobs are, but they are bigger than my hands when I hold them. I see bras in the store and I think a C cup maybe? These boobs really move around and hurt a lot sometimes. I still play sports with my friends but now it is so hard. I dont want my friends to see me weak. I dont want them to pick me last to be on their team just because of these boobs.

Think I hate being a girl. Sometimes my boobs hurt too much when playing football and I get hit the wrong way. I must turn my back to them and hold a boob and tell them Ill be ok, just a minute. Im really close to two of the boys. (Jake and David) in the summers we go exploring in the woods at the end of the street we live on. About a 1/2 mile in the woods is a nice swimming hole we often go to. In the past, last year and the year before, we stripped to our underwear and swam. We had so much fun.

I dont know what Im going to do this year. Act like nothing changed and take off my shirt off or leave my shirt on.. but then I will have a wet shirt walking home and my boobs will show so much then anyway.. and Jake and David will have dry shirts.. I feel like I fight my boobs everyday. I dont want my boobs to win. I want to keep having my friends and my fun. I dont want my friends to see me unable to do things I could do so good before. (I was the best at shooting baskets - and i could run faster than everyone but Jake.)

I want to be picked for the teams because Im good. Im scared. I dont know what I will do if they keep getting bigger. I can't take them now. Why are boobs so terrible? Do bras help a lot? I don't know how I'm going to make it to 17. I dont know what I'll do if they get any bigger. God I pray they stop growing!!

May 26, 2016
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Bandaids over nipples.
by: Anonymous

Im 15. Im a big B cup or a small C cup. I wear bras in school most of the time.. Sometimes I only cover my nipples with small bandaids. I love those days, but I cant do that on PE days since I cant run without my bra and I dont want to take off my shirt in the locker room with no bra and nipple bandaids. On the no bra days I hold my school books against my boobs when fast walking to change classes so everyone doesn't see them shake, also the books holding my boobs keeps them from hurting if I walk need to walk too fast for no bra (I may talk to friends and be too late to walk slow).

I never wear bras at home.. i hate fighting with my brother tho cuz sometimes my boobs get hit and that hurts too much. Sometimes I just let my brother win the fight and I just stay in my room. I never wear bras or nipple bandaids on the weekend except when I work out. I dont have a sports bra yet.. but they shake some and hurt even when I wear my normal bra so I think I need a sports bra now.

May 26, 2016
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Hate my boobs! Hate Bras!
by: Anonymous

I'm 14 now. My boobs started growing when I was 10. They haven't stopped growing, they are huge on me. I think I'm a DD cup, but I can't find cups that big in my back size so I squish them into a C cup that fits my back. I think my boobs look terrible that way but it is all I have. I can't do any activity without having to pull the cups up or push my boobs back in.

I hate trying to run.. so painful. So hard with my bra not fitting right. I hate going down the stairs in school.. they bounce too much and the boys wait for me and stare at my chest. I wear layers when it is cold, but I live in Florida... too hot for layers most of the time.

I ask my Mom to help me get a better bra, but we have been out so many times. My cup size is normally on the lowest row of bras and I need to crawl on hands and knees to read the sizes..but I cant ever find DD cups on a 30 back size.. My bras hurt so much I only wear them in school. I can't exercise

When I ride a bike my knees hit my boobs. My life with boobs is terrible. I don't know anyone with a chest this big and a body that doesnt fit the right back size. I try to eat to make my back size bigger but I think it only makes my boobs bigger. They sent me to a drug store because they have bras for women who are nursing.. they said they had bigger cup sizes for the milk boobs. I saw a D cup that might fit better.. but I refused a bra that had cups that opened up.

I really hate my boobs and my bras. Going with no bra is better.. but my boobs kill me if I do anything active then. It is so embarrassing to hold them!

May 06, 2016
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comfort bras
by: Anonymous

I didn't wear bras except to school as a kid (even though I was an early bloomer) and later to work. As of now, I wear comfort bras unless I am home alone in which case I don't wear one.Maybe she could try wearing comfort bras to school and going out and not at home.

Apr 20, 2016
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Solution to spd and bras
by: Julie Clement

Hi I'm 17 and recently my spd has increased to an uncomfortable rate. I can't wear bras, underwear, jeans ect. For bras I wear nipple tape or adhesive bras. They're sticky and don't have straps it's the greatest solution for me. Nipple tape or pasties are even more comfortable.

Apr 08, 2016
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Halter
by: Anonymous

For the girl with sensory issues not wanting to wear a bra: maybe get a very soft thicker scarf shaped fabric and crisscross it at breast then over shoulders just for a covering?

Or cut a soft t shirt below breast and gather between breast to form a cup. T shirt material is comfy and you can find sleeveless ones or very short sleeves as well as v neck. Let's face it: straps are confining and uncomfortable.

Feb 17, 2016
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burkas vs bras
by: Anonymous

Right now there are mothers in Saudi Arabia telling their daughters that they "need" to wear a burka (head to toe garment that covers all but eyes). Body shaming is one big continuous spectrum. When it is very common (bras or burkas, either one), it can seem normal, even though women were comfortable without them for 1000s of years before they were invented. Be thankful that you have a daughter who can think for herself! With an analytical and questioning attitude, and if it isn't stifled, she will likely go far. My wife hasn't worn a bra in decades, by her choice, because she says they are uncomfortable and unnecessary (full disclosure: 38D). She is a professional with a Ph.D. and highly successful, and comfortable too. It is totally possible to reject bras and look "professional" for school, for the office, or for the corporate boardroom. Camisole straps look very much like bra straps but the comfort difference is huge.

Feb 16, 2016
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Training bras
by: Anonymous

Hi

I too am very shy about starting to wear a bra, though mum says I should has i show now. You mentioned training bras, are these are good idea and would you recommend a make? I did try a starter bra but it made me look so big and i got stared at.

Feb 14, 2016
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Same
by: Anonymous

I am 9 and I hate lots of clothing and bras. Your not alone with SPD. Think about it does you daughter really need a bra? If she does then don't ask her if she is going to wear it she might wear it and just get upset about it. Instead just leave the bra situation alone and ask her about school or stuff that is going on in her life. Later in the week ask her if she has been wearing the bra or how it feels. Keep trying if this doesn't work. Also try a trading bra instead of a real bra, try a bra with not much padding or just have her wear thin shirts.


Jan 25, 2016
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Confidence.
by: Anonymous

A lot of young girls don't like wearing bras, and that is perfectly okay. Bras do not effect how your breasts look, they do not cause your breasts to sag and neither does not wearing one. If you don't like wearing a actually bra, then consider a tank top or a crop top. I'm 16 and since my mom took me bra shopping I've never really liked bras, I will wear them during the day, but at night I'll change into a tank top or a sports bra, they are so much more comfortable for night and I highly recommend them. If your mom if trying to get you to wear a bra and you don't like it, but feel nervous talking to her about it, don't worry, remember your mom had to go though that as well with her mother.

For all those girls out there who dislike their breasts and think they are too small or too big, I want to tell you. You are unique, a one of a kind, and so are your breast, embrace it! And if people are judging you on what your breasts look like and it makes you feel nervous or embarrassed, just ignore them and be who you are!

For all those girl!


Nov 14, 2015
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Success!!
by: Anonymous

Hi, I commented a while ago on this page. On my comment I said that I don't wear bras and I find it hard to wear one as I don't like it feeling really tight. Im still not wearing proper bras but I hae invested in a comfort bra which is just a tight cropped vest and I'm finding this very useful as i am no longer embarrassed to change in the changing room for pe and can now focus more in lessons as I know that my top cannot be seen through. I have found a comfort bra really helpful and am sure that others will to!

Nov 05, 2015
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big cup teenbra?
by: Anonymous

Lucky for her. I was a early developer and now have I am big bust for my age and now have to wear old fashioned Doreen bras to have the right cup size for my small back size!

Oct 25, 2015
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I hate some bras....
by: Anonymous

I am 15. I started to wear a bra when I was 11.
My advice is try to let your daughter go by herself in a shop while you look at something else and pick a bra and see what one she likes best. she might be embarrassed to pick one with you there and she probably wants privacy to go herself. If that doesn't work then try to explain to her that she needs to wear a bra & she can't go without it for ever.

Oct 04, 2015
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I ❤️ Bras
by: Ally

I'm ten, and I wear a bra. It's really comfortable and I love it, it makes me feel grown up. If your daughter doesn't want to, here's a way. Take her shopping, and when she tries on a shirt say, " this would look better with a bra." And then go find her one. Good luck!

Ps hope you do don't mind that I'm ten. In almost eleven if it helps. And I have boobs. There not big, buy there boobs.

Sep 25, 2015
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Hate bras
by: Anonymous

I'm 19 and I hate wearing a bra they feel like someone is trying to squeeze my ribs. I also have a long scar right were the seam is and I hate when I sweat it just makes me so mad.

Sep 05, 2015
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Embarrassing
by: Anonymous

I'm the complete opposite. My mum has not gotten me a bra yet, but all of the other girls in my school wear them. I'm 12 and I don't need them but I'm really really embarrassed at pe when we get changed. I wear little crop tops. Only last year I stopped wearing vests. It's so embarrassing

Aug 25, 2015
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Grrrr
by: Anonymous

I am 11 and my mum is making me get fitted for a bra when I don't need one! It's so unfair because I find them horrible

I've tried on every single one and I find it uncomfortable!!!

Please help!

Aug 20, 2015
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I can relate
by: Hayley

This makes me feel a lot better. I'm 13 and I hate wearing bras so it feels good to know that I'm not the only one. I've tried just about everything and I'm this close to giving up. It makes me feel bad though because all my friends seem to like wearing bras and I feel sad because I can't love them. But let's face it; bras aren't a necessity and if they had never been invented, I probably wouldn't try and invent any kind of breast support contraption myself. I just want to wear one so that my breasts can look better and I can run without the, hurting. But then on the other hand, I don't think it's fair. Bras were invented by men because they wanted to sexualise women. I think that it's not fair that women are told that we have to cover up our chests and that men don't have to wear anything at all. Here's barely any difference. The sexualisation of women's bodies isn't our problem. It's theirs. And how come men aren't sexpected to wear a jock strap 24/7 but women are expected to wear a bra 24/7 I just can't even… I just don't even know to be honest

Aug 02, 2015
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Too big bra!!!
by: Anonymous

Ok I'm 11 my mom is making me wear a huge bra, I have no idea what size it is because I have no experience with bras. All I know is that she has this image in her mind on how I'm supposed to look. It seems like everyday now is a fight because I won't wear it. She doesn't understand how big it is on me. I shouldn't even be wearing a training bra yet my chest is sooo small and my mom just doesn't understand 😒

Jul 14, 2015
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I can totally relate!
by: 100%agree

It feels so good to hear all these people with the same problems as me! I am 15, and I hate wearing bras. It's not that they're too uncomfortable; I mean, they're tight, but bearable. My problem is that I am uncomfortable with how big they make them look. I am still a very awkward, thin kid. My chest is still pretty small, however I am scared of them getting bigger for several reasons.

1) Reduced mobility
2) Judgy people
3) Not being able to cover them up.

At the moment, I'm still wearing the same kind of crop top (kinda like a sports bra) that I've been warring for 3 years. It supports as much as I need it to. However, my mom told me I needed a "real bra" and took me shopping. The only one that fit me was a padded bra. I hate it. It makes me feel so self-conscious! I gave up and kept wearing my crop top, but now the problem is that the straps are too big and there's only one shirt I can wear it with that doesn't show the straps. So in summer, I wear this shirt everyday for 2 weeks. It's beginning to get small and smelly. I don't know what to do. I can't stop wearing a bra because for PE at school, I need to get changed in front of other girls into my sport uniform. I am also not a person who will go up to my mom and ask her to take me bra shopping. I'm beginning to run out of options.

Jun 26, 2015
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I don't know what to do!
by: Anonymous

I am 13 and should wear a bra. But I can't physically wear one! I hate the slightest thing tight around my body. I have tried normal bras and sports bras and mum has spent quite a lot of money 😁 and I feel really bad. But if I put one on I have to take it off again! I just don't know what to do. At school I wear a vest top but I am very scared it may be see through and I may look really stupid (which I probably do). But I don't know what to do! What would you recommend?

Jun 08, 2015
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not good
by: jill

Boobs will sag down to knees and you will get
alot of pain in your back OK. Guys don't like
saggy boobs. Big boobs yes saggy boobs NO!
Bras are a pain in the neck but better then a
pain in the back.

Jun 08, 2015
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Very good. It gets 5 starts too.
by: Anonymous

I agree. I'm 19 years old, don't own one. I
like to be cool and comfortably. Plus, I ware
loose and low cut blouses so to show as much
cleavage and breasts as I possibility can.

May 23, 2015
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Bras are the devil
by: Megan

If your daughter doesn't want to wear a bra then don't try and force her. I'm 13 and me and my mum both HATE bras but we still wear em. But the only reason I wear them is because I want my boobs to be supported at least when I'm out in public anyway. I don't wear a bra when I'm at home because they're just uncomfortable and that's why I hate them and I also hate them because you can never be sure wether or not they fit properly. I think I might start wearing sports bras instead.

Everyone is different so some people will like bras and others won't. I know people who love bras and I know people who hate them as well. As mentioned, I hate them but that's just me. Your daughter is probably just one of those people who hates them and there's not really anything you can do about it. Hating/loving bras is a part of who you are and it can't be fixed. Have you tried sports bras? I'm seriously thinking of giving up on bras all together and just wearing sports bras because I heard they're really comfortable.

Also, I know you've probably heard this all before but it's true: scientists have proven that bras actually do more harm than good. For starters, they are tight around your torso which is a complete no-brainer. And although they are supposedly made to "support your breasts" I believe this is a complete lie because if anything, they can actually cause breast cancer but manufacturers say they solely exist to support your breasts just to try and guilt trip women into wearing them because it is frowned upon in society not to wear one.

So to conclude, bras have not been proven to be beneficial in any way so if you don't wear one, there is absolutely nothing wrong with it because bras don't help in any way, the opposite in fact! Women went centuries without bras and they seemed to survive okay so why have them now? We were fine before bras were invented so we'd be just as fine if they were never invented in the first place!

Mar 15, 2015
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Going bra-less does not make your breasts sag!
by: Anonymous

If anything WEARING bras can make breasts sag. This is because the breast tissue is supported internally by muscle and tendons, and like any muscle, if they do not get used they grow weak. If you have been wearing bras for many years it is not suggested that you stop due to this atrophy, but if you have never worn a bra to begin with there is literally no issue. If the problem is with the nipples showing through, wearing an extra layer (an undershirt, perhaps) will most likely solve that for smaller breasts.

Mar 12, 2015
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I hate bras 👙
by: Grace

I'm 13 and absolutely hate bras. My mom takes me shopping for them, and even when I find one that looks super comfy, I still end up hating it. When I decide to go bra less, my mom says," well, I guess you just want saggy breasts" and that does not make me feel good, let me tell you. All my friends seem to love bras, and it makes me feel sad that I can't love bras too.

How can I feel better better about my body and tell my mom how much I hate bras?

Feb 25, 2015
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Big no no
by: Anonymous

They will one day be near your waist. No good

Feb 18, 2015
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Sherry
by: Anonymous

Get her a BRA that doesnt fit, if she thinks she looks sexy, Shell where them, embrace her boobs, breasts need to be big, otherwise they aint good, BIG BOOBS MATTER
SO DOES LOOKING SEXY!:)

Feb 12, 2015
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Pssst, don't laugh but...
by: Ragnell

Psssst. It's amazing what a couple strips of strategically placed first aid tape can do. Even scotch tape.It's perfectly comfortable and there's no reason small to medium breasted women can't use it whenever they like.


Jan 28, 2015
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dont force your child to wear a bra
by: abby

Dont force your child to wear a bra! Boobs are a natural part of your body! Everyone has different boobs and only a few are lucky enough to have perfect boobs. Get over your fear of nipples and saggy boobs. Let the child make her own decisions! Always remind her that what other people think doesn't matter, the only thing that matters is that she is happy! And dont let yourselves be fear mongered by other people telling you what they think is right and wrong. Nipples are natural, being ofraid of your own body and everyone else's body is only going to make it more difficult for you and your child. I personally choose to wear silicone nipple covers whenever i go out, only because i know that people are afraid of nipples and might make a big deal out of it. I dont wear a bra anymore, though i also have a cup breasts. Sometimes i will go out without a bra or nipple covers when i am wearing layered clothes. Thankfully, no one forced me to wear a bra, though it was never an issue for me anyway. The only teasing i got in school was one kid that liked me teasing about my tiny boobs, and after i gave him a good stare, he never mentioned it again. Nothing matters besides your childs and your happiness. Ignore anyone who tries to verbally bully you into doing what they think is right.

Dec 27, 2014
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I know what it's like
by: Anonymous

Ok so first off i am 12 about to turn 13 my mom last year almost every week she would say to me " u need to wear a bra". Of course I said no. When I wear bras I feel all moist and sweaty it's so tight on my skin. And the wires ew just are the most uncomfortable thing every. Once we went out and got one everytime I get a new one my mom makes me wear it for the rest of the day. I hate it and the rest of the days I just wear camis. They are so comfortable and no one at my school notices and ever since I got new ones my mom hasn't even notices and it seems fine to everyone else! Well about starting last week when my dad would pick me up from school my boobs felt to loose. Ur child will feel the same sooner or later. Maybe they will go a different way and get made fun of at school that will definitely make them want to wear them. So get her a cami and once she feels ready maybe have some ready for her to wear I still don't wear mine my mom bought me so I dont wear one at all she's just wasting her money don't do the same unless ur sure she will wear them.

Dec 11, 2014
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Modesty is important
by: Jennifer

I too am looking for a bra for my daughter who has SPD. This post was the first thing that came up for my search and I would have to add that Modesty is an important virtue that we want to instill in our daughters. Modesty stems from a respect for the dignity of the person and wearing a bra, no matter what size you are, is a modesty issue. If anyone has had any success with a bra for your SPD daughter please let me know!

Dec 04, 2014
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Make her
by: Anonymous

Force it! Make sure she knows it looks gross and lazy if you don't. I personally am 15 with DD so it may be just me but I can't stand when people don't wear bras. It's disgusting. they need support.

Oct 11, 2014
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don't want-don't
by: Anonymous

I am 40 years old, conservative, mother of two. I don't wear bra. I hate bras. I only wear sports bra when I exercise. I have small breasts, so bra is uncomfortable. I make sure I wear clothes that don't reveal my breasts or show my nipples. There is nothing wrong with not wearing a bra if it is more comfortable this way.

Sep 19, 2014
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My mom is forcing me to wear a bra
by: Anonymous

I'm about to turn 13 and my mom is trying to force me to wear a bra, I don't want to wear one and I've already explained to her that it should be my choice not hers but she refuses to listen. She's told me that I won't be allowed out on weekends, shop at the stores I like to shop at and she's told me she's going to cancel my birthday party (which I've been planing for months) unless I wear one. She said that hippies don't wear bras and that my breasts will drop. I don't want to wear one, all my family knows and keeps asking me and talking about it behind my back. Bras look tight and uncomfortable and I'm currently struggling with body image. My mum won't let me do anything without telling me to wear one. Can't she accept that I want to be able to make my own decisions and not need her to control me.

Sep 14, 2014
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Stopped wearing a bra till I found This!!!!
by: Gail

I've always worn a bra till I had a brain tumor & had surgery to remove it. Since my surgery, I don't know why but, I hated wearing a bra. For the last 5 years I have gone w/o & only wear loose fitting (not too loose, just comfortable & not skin tight) comfortable shirt or tank with a pattern, which kinda camouflages it & no one usually knows. My Daughter is always telling me how gross I am. Recently, I started going to the gym & wanted to find some kind a bra to wear. I went to Kohls & OMG tried on the most comfortable bra. It didn't even seem like I had anything on. It was priced @ $39 & half off a 2nd one. I had a hard time thinking of spending $58.50 + tax on 2 bras so, I wrote down the name and went home to check them out online. Come to find out Amazon had the same bra w/ Prime (free shipping) I ordered 2 and paid a total of $43.18 total w/ free shipping ($19.99 each + tax). I saved $15.31 & love it!! Im finally wearing a bra again & it's soooo comfortable :) You should have her go to Kohls & just try it on. The name of it is Playtex Women's Play Fundwinder Seamless Bra. The straps can be worn regular or you can un hook them & criss cross them. This is nice if your wearing a razorback tank. Hope this helps :)

Sep 01, 2014
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Bras are overrated
by: Anonymous

I think the importance of bras are waaaay overrated. So many other countries rarely wear them and many girls and women have never even considered them. Our society has an obsession about breasts- most of us think they have to be hidden, need to be held up and firm and are embarrassed if they are seen! WTF? Back in the early 1900's, people thought a visible ankle was obscene, too! Breasts are a part of all of us and are not a secret. I much prefer to be without one and to enjoy my natural movement and shape. I feel complimented when my friends see mine and they all seem to like them too. What's the shame in having the outline of our breasts and nipples as a part of our daily dress? Forget them, let yourself enjoy the freedom and let your girls make their own decisions. If your girls want one, they will decide. Nothing wrong with our breasts being naturally attractive, either.

Aug 31, 2014
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Sweating is another issue
by: Anonymous

Besides my intolerance for anything tight around my body, I find that during warm weather I sweat from my torso below my breasts. So not only am I crawling out of my skin from having something around my ribcage, but I also feel incredibly gross with a damp/wet undergarment. I choose not to wear a bra and tough luck if others don't like it. I wear dark, loose tops so as to attract as little attention as possible. When I dress up I try to wear dresses or blouses that have a loose, flowing kimono style "vest" or a loose "sweater" ( I don't know how to describe it better).

Aug 30, 2014
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We are too obsessed with bras
by: Diane

I gave them up when I got divorced, never wore one again. My daughter is 11 and filling out nicely, and I have always been honest and encouraging with her about her breasts. I want her to be proud of what she has, to never feel ashamed of them or a need to hide them. She sees me and several of my friends nude often and also without bras, and I feel she is naturally beautiful without one. Breasts are meant to move and jiggle some, and we ALL have nipples, right? What's the big secret or shame? They are for our own pleasure and for sharing them with whoever we CHOOSE to share them with. I have no intention of putting her in bras, unless she herself wants one.

Aug 10, 2014
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bras an issue
by: emsangel

My teens bras are an issue because she hates anything under her arm ans straps on the over the shoulders. I even have to try to find poncho style shirts for her. Next to impossible. So bras are hard. I got her to wear some tube top types but they also are under the arms. This child has alot of issues besides this, but she is also a chunky child and cloths in general, are hard to fit, feel good and be appropriate. I am in need of some real help.

Jul 19, 2014
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Try Helping Instead of Criticism
by: LM

To those of you berating the posters about making their daughters wear bras, try a little understanding. It is really difficult clothing a child with sensory issues and we need help, not criticism. Some schools require bras, there is PE class to consider, many girls are uncomfortable changing in front of other kids who are wearing bras while they are not. My daughter asked me for a bra because she is embarrassed, but can't stand every one I find and won't wear a camisole instead. The one I found has been discontinued so I am on the search again. I will let you know if I find one.

Jul 13, 2014
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BRAAAAA!
by: Anonymous

I have problems with bras also. I found a fabulous one though that has no wires but is quite thick as far as the cups are concerned. it's a bra for women who have had a mastectomy, because there's room for inserts in it. I have not had a mastectomy, but between my breasts it can get really irritated easily if the centre of the bra doesn't sit correctly. this bra is by a company called ROYCE . it's available at the Bra Bar in Winnipeg. it's the most comfortable bra I've had. everything seems strapped in quite well *I'm a 36 DD* please google Bra Bar Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada and perhaps they can at least provide you with some options. they have excellent and sensitive customer service - good luck!!

Jul 05, 2014
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My daughter has the same problem
by: Anonymous

I just bought my 16 year old daughter the spanx front closure "bra-lleluiagh" bra. It only has the hook in the front and none in the back and the straps don't have those adjustable things. I have bought her all kinds of bras. She says that she can actually tolerate this one, and she even wore it to the mall today. I'm really hoping this will solve this problem. Good luck!

Jul 05, 2014
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No bra?
by: Anonymous

My 14 year old daughter was just fitted and wears a 34 F! Not having a bra on is obscene!

It's easy to say " don't make her wear one", but that's not the way the world works. She has a weekend job, and is required to wear a bra. Imagine what the customers would think? I know she wouldn't have a job if she showed up bra less for the interview!

Jul 02, 2014
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I've tried everything!!
by: Anonymous

I don't know how old this thread is that I'm going to post anyway because I need lots of help!!! When I was about 6 I was diagnosed with tactile defensiveness. I'm now 16. My TD has literally taken over my life. I couldn't wear nothing as a kid so being at school or in public was always a nightmare. Since freshman year of high school I've grown out of TD extremely fast. Now becoming a junior, the only thing I can't wear are bras. In about 6th grAde my body "grew" very fast so I had to fold my hands in front of my chest, hold books or anything in front of me. I started wearing sport bras in about 7th grade, the ones that were thin with spaghetti straps and they did work until my boobs were growing to the C's in 8th to 9th grade, my boobs don't have the support on there own to be without a bra, which is embarrassing. I found a bra at target that's a sport bra and they work good because although it is tight (and I know what it feels like to hAve something on that feels like it hurts) they hold my boobs up and I did get used to it very quick. Now, it's a problem because I'm older, I have more clothes and my shirts come farther away from my neck, or have a larger opening around the armpit/shoulder area, or lower neck, so my bra shows and It looks very wrong. ( I don't wear slutty clothes by the way, I wear stuff like hollister or American eagle so it's not as bad as it sounds!!!)

I absolutely can't wear: Anything that has lace as my boobs are to big and need more support than that, wired bras (I don't like the wire, the thin straps, or how the straps in the back feel as I'm used to the thick Y look in the back from a sport bra), I don't like anything with adhesives because it doesn't stick (even though they should), i can't wear sport bras with thinner straps because it won't hold me up very well, and as anyone guessed I can't wear anything strapless. I'm seriously at a lost because I wish It wasn't so hard. What I'm basically looking for is something that will hold me up with thin straps so that it doesn't show when I wear something with less fabric at the top of my shirts if that makes sense. I have tried almost every kind of bra I can find in the store even in different brands. And I'm very limited and what stores I can go to as I live in Iowa and there's not much here:( I'll only order online as long is it something that I'm trying to look for! My boobs are still getting bigger as they're almost into the D sizes!!! I'm sorry this post is very long I just like to be detailed so people can understand. Any suggestions I will take into consideration!! Thanks!!

Jun 29, 2014
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Response to gabby
by: Sue

First thing that comes to mind is: do you WANT to wear a bra? It sounds like it is more trouble than it's worth. Life is too short to spend time thinking about resolving issues related to a piece of clothing. Enjoy your body the way it is and your day and skip the bra. Or try a camisole or a simple undershirt if you are able to tolerate either of those against your skin. I probably should wear a bra, but I cannot tolerate how tight they feel, so I just buy shirts that are either dark colors with lots of designs on them or that are "loose" and have an all-over pattern and/or chest pockets. For dressy occasions I wear a layered look such as: a sleeveless dress that I can wear either a loose fitting blouse, large scarf or shawl or a pretty sweater over ( not form fitting).

Jun 29, 2014
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bra difficulty
by: Gabby

like others i have major difficulties with bras.
one of my issues is i find it really hard physically to put them on fine/gross motor skills etc. so i really don't like wearing them because of that issue.

also major sensory issues etc texture and colours have to be right.

bra shopping is a nightmare.

i don't know how to overcome my problem. I'm a adult.

i will be getting support with my personal cares soon, so hopefully that will solve the physical problem. i autistic, SPD, dyspraxic etc.
got any ideas.

Jun 24, 2014
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Are you serious?!
by: Anonymous

The decision to wear a bra should be a girl's own decision, not her parent's. If your daughter is uncomfortable and unhappy in a bra, DO NOT FORCE HER TO WEAR ONE! And if parents at a fifth grader's school are complaining about a girl not wearing a bra... you should probably be more worried that they're that focused on your daughter's chest and less worried that she isn't conforming to society. I am a teenage girl, and I feel comfortable in a bra, I like wearing it. But there are plenty of people out there who aren't comfortable wearing one, so don't force them! It's their decision to make.

Jun 21, 2014
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That's okay.
by: Anonymous

From personal experience, I think it's okay to not wear a bra, especially when a person doesn't like wearing one.

We could make a list with 2 columns, one listing advantages for said female from wearing one, the other listing the disadvantages. Unless she is really plump (I guess), the advantages seem far less attractive, as disadvantages may include stress, family tension (from arguing), weakened breast tissues historically evolved to support female breasts as well as a restricted freedom of personal choice.

Maybe you could let your daughter choose what she feels like in the end, and support her if any issue comes?

Jun 16, 2014
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My daughter doesnt like it at all
by: Mrunal

Though I made a point to get her (13 years) a sports bra made of very soft viscose for her first time use, she keeps saying that it hurts her. She strongly refuses to wear it. I have asked her to wear it at least for few hours a day to get used to it.

Jun 10, 2014
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Single mom with 21 yr. old who refuses bra
by: Anonymous

Hi ladies,

Single mom here who has just started a new relationship with a loving man. My 21 year old college student still lives at home and refuses to wear a bra during her relaxing time. But things are different now that my new boyfriend has been living with us for the past year. I asked her to please wear a bra when you're not in the privacy of your own room. I just can't bear to watch her precious little blossoming bits bouncing around in a tshirt in front of my boyfriend! She got so annoyed at me and couldn't believe I asked her to and actually argued with me about it! I think she consulted with one of her girlfriends who thank god shed some light on the matter. But she still hated me for it, which sucked.

Jun 06, 2014
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try gap body
by: Anonymous

I didn't notice how old this thread was but I am going to respond anyways because I have had a terrible time with the bra thing I used to refuse to go braless because I hated the way they looked when I was in middle school and I am now 25 and I have fibromyalgia and a list of other conditions and am always in pain and feel like my skin is so itchy I have to take tags off everything so I get it. I can only wear the victorias secret tshirt bra when I have to wear a bra and most days if my shirt is tight enough I won't wear one or I have found gap body makes "sports bras" its more like loungewear than workout wear but they have cotton ones and lycra spandex ones kinda but they are so soft and I am 5"1 110 lbs, 32 C and I wear a large so I don't buy them tight but they are the only other thing I wear and they are actually great.

May 05, 2014
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Don't force her
by: Anonymous

To be honest bras are not necessary and not beneficial to health. You will have saggy boobs when you're old either way. I'm 19 and I hate bras. I don't wear them,sometimes I have to bc of my mom. Honestly, if you're daughter doesn't want to wear one, don't let her. I hate them a lot, and what's the point? Do men need to wear a penis bra?

Dec 31, 2013
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I'm also a teen
by: Anonymous

Get her a wireless bra, their comfortable, I bought one the other day and I don't like bras I would normally wear a sports bra and I have a small chest I wear an A 34 in bras.

Nov 20, 2013
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Read
by: Anonymous

You're daughter does not have to! If she does not have any boobs at all she does not need one.Them other parents need to.griw up! My daughter didn't need one until 13-14 She was flat chested.

Sep 26, 2013
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Tactile disorder
by: Anonymous

My 10 yr old daughter desperately needs to wear a bra, parents of the school have even complained to the office about her not wearing one....we have tried every bra out there!!!!! any suggestions?????

Jun 02, 2013
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MyComfortBra
by: Sue (again!)

A while ago I was surfing the net and had accidentally come across a bra that could be adjusted EVERYWHERE so that it was not tight ANYWHERE. I forgot to bookmark the site and now I can't find it. I just came across a site with a bra that has no band around the rib cage and that lets the "lady lumps" hang "naturally" rather than being forced to stay perky and upright. The bra is called MyComfortBra and the site is http://store.americanapparel.net/8320.html?cid=2464-2466

Jan 06, 2013
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lucky
by: Anonymous

She won't wear one! Sooo sorry! I was never told about puberty so I had to sneak buy my own. My friends aren't the kind to go out and buy for me. It is her choice but buy shirts or something with a built in bra. Ask her why she feels uncomfortable or something with them! Or maybe tell her she isn't allowed out unless she is wearing one! Yes it is harsh but it can lead to 'sagginess' later on!

Oct 26, 2012
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Mine won't take her bra off
by: Anonymous

Crazy how these sensory issues work. My daughter won't not wear a bra. She even sleeps in it, and wears her under-wire bra under her sports bras. I did make the mistake of making a big deal out of her first "real" bra and took her to Victoria Secret, now the only bra she will wear is their t-shirt bra.

Oct 25, 2012
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I don't like bras either
by: Claire

As someone who really doesn't like wearing bras, I've looked for a comfy alternative for a long time for me (I'm a 36DD). I tried AhhBra but it didn't fit right and was still quite constrictive.

BreastNest provides a decent amount of support for me. It's soft and doesn't have that awful underwire. Maybe that will help your daughter?

Sep 08, 2012
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Im a teen with this
by: Anonymous

i have the same problem as these girls and i find wearing a tight singlet is good support and is comfortable.

Jul 27, 2012
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Finally found a bra she can put up with!!!!!
by: Anonymous

Hi,
After ordering Maidenform bras from Macy's and them failing miserably, I ordered 2 bras from a seller I found on an Amazon search. The company is Espot and the bra is called, Barely There Breathe Bralette. It's so soft and the band that goes around the chest is soft and not narrow like some of them that dig in. I can't tell you how soft this bra is! I will definitely order more. This is the first time my daughter is willing to wear a bra. She still prefers her camis with no shelf bras, but will be wearing the new ones to school as she has PE every day!

Jul 20, 2012
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Try a NuBra
by: Anonymous

For your preteen... have you checked into the NuBra (I talked about it in this thread)? It is an adhesive bra that sticks to the breasts, with no straps or bands encircling the torso. They are all that I can tolerate. I understand your daughter's feelings completely because I cannot wear a bra or cami with a shelf bra either. But the NuBra has been a lifesaver for me.

I would suggest the namebrand NuBra. I've tried a copy-cat brand and it didn't adhere. The NuBra has to be washed by hand with gentle soap after each wearing (or two) to maintain its adhesiveness. So, if it is something she likes you will need to buy a few of them. I hope this helps!

Jul 20, 2012
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My preteen is driving me nuts
by: Anonymous

But I feel bad for her. She cannot stand wearing bras and since last year can't even stand camis with the shelf bra. She says they are choking her chest and too tight. My problem is that school is starting and they will have to dress out for PE, which is every day....I told her she has to wear a bra. So the tears are flowing daily as she tries to get used to the bras that she used to be able to wear. And to the person who said don't wear a bra. Try being 12 and dressing in front of other girls before you make dumb statements like that.

I am about to lose my mind!

Jul 15, 2012
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I have same issue with 27 yr. autistic daughter
by: Anonymous

Heeeelllllp! My husband and I have been battling this issue with our daughter for several years. And yes, i have bought every kind of bra out there. I am going insane with this!

Jun 11, 2012
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you can live with
by: Anonymous

am 18 years old why do women like bras so much?????? i do not know but god gave us breasts but he did not give us bras so think this stop worrying about bras you dont need them if he gave us bras then you should worry, but back then women did not wear bras because they were made by a man. so here is a lesson to all women who worry on getting the best bra. men are just making money off you and laughing at you because you fell in there trap buying their crap they do not want to make you happy but they want your money . BRAS ARE NOT NATURAL

May 28, 2012
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Bra with wings! No straps attached!
by: Anonymous

I just found a bra called the "wing bra". I got it at Kohl's. I think it's by Maidenform. It literally is just the bra "cups" and two clear, side "wings" that you put the double sided "tape" on and then you stick them to your body. It comes in black and natural and in various (cup)sizes and has clear straps you can attach as well. I'm not sure that it's a great solution if you have large breasts that need a "lift!" They also make "petals" "cups" that you can stick on. Again, they may not be a great idea for "larger" breasts that need good support. Hope this helps!

May 10, 2012
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What works for me
by: Anonymous

I have found SOME camis that provide a decent amount of comfort. Others drive me crazy. The camis from American Apparel with the built in bra (its in their dance line) work great for me. Also any kind of tight lace bra seems to be more comfortable than most. Hope this helps someone!

These are my go to solutions and pretty much the only things I can wear. Trust me, I've tied everything. :/

lace halter
http://www.freepeople.com/intimates-bras/galloon-lace-halter-bralette/

lace bra
http://www.urbanoutfitters.com/urban/catalog/productdetail.jsp?id=20727004

cami
http://store.americanapparel.net/8320.html?cid=2464-2466

Apr 15, 2012
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thanks for bra alternative ideas!
by: Sue

I can't tell you all how much I appreciate the suggestions! The cammie idea and loose-fitting shirts works ok in the winter because it's freezing in my office, but in summer time they are way too hot. I might try the "nu petal" idea but I don't fail the pencil test, so getting the "girls" to stay up "nicely" using the adhesive nupetals (?) sewing a tab to them and attaching clear "straps" to tie around the neck won't help with the "droopy" look! I bought a plain, strapless bathing suit "bikini" top that ties in back, so I am going to see if I can "rig" that up so you can't see a bulge where it's tied together. I am so glad I have found this site--thank you all!

Apr 14, 2012
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Alternatives to bras
by: Anonymous

I find that wearing just a cover for the nipple is an effective alternative. They are called breast petals and I like Lingerie Solutions as they are even reusable. (I've not tried others though.) I bought them at Walmart for $5 or so.
That and a loose sports bra, if you can find one work great.

Apr 14, 2012
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Re Sue's post
by: Anonymous

Sue, I understand exactly what you mean about not being able to wear anything constricting around the torso. I am the person who posted earlier, in this thread, about being a 45 yr old woman who cannot stand bras and suggested body shapers. But even those are not entirely comfortable, just more bearable than a bra. But, you may want to consider the "NuBra". It has an adhesive silicon that sticks to your breasts and it looks just like you are wearing a bra. They have been a life-saver for me! I sew a little tab onto the top of each cup and use a clear 'bra strap' hooked to each tab and worn around my neck like a halter-bra. Nothing encircles my torso that way, but it gives me good support. They are re-usable (for 50 or more wearings) if you wash them after each wearing. They cost around $30 each. And if you don't need the support, you don't need to bother with the tab and strap. I hope this helps!!
ps. I suggest the name-brand NuBra.... I tried one copy-cat brand and it didn't adhere to my skin.

Apr 14, 2012
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Cami's work for me
by: Anonymous

Hi there, I don't know how old this thread is, I just wanted to add my experience. I have been tactile defensive all my life, although as a child I merely thought I was crazier than everybody else for wanting to take my shoes off (slowly and silently, each with the other foot!) during classes. I am now 26. I wear bra's when I feel the occasion calls for it, but whenever I can (mostly), I choose to wear cami's instead. There are a lot of comfortable cotton cami's available on the market today - I feel much more comfortable "layering" myself in this way than having anything wiry or scratchy touching my body. Hope this helps!

Apr 08, 2012
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WOW--I am NOT alone!
by: sue

I am SO glad to see I am not alone! I am 51 and HATE anything tight around my torso, including a bra or elastic waist pants. I crawl out of my skin wearing anything like a bra: I've tried tube tops, camis, wireless bras, etc., and they are just as bad. I have resorted to wearing loose-fitting button down cotton shirts with printed patterns and breast pockets for extra "coverage!" My 18-year old daughter wants me to be like other moms, but I just can't seem to do it. I wore a bra for a few years in high school and that's about it. Knowing there are other adult women like me makes me feel less ashamed! Now if someone can give me other ideas besides wearing loose-fitting shirts with breast pockets, I would REALLY love it!

Feb 25, 2012
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appropriate comfy tween undies
by: dee

yes, I understand the problem, a friend of mine had the same problem and she made a line of bras especially for tweens, they are really sweet, appropriate print and NO padded wire. if you want you can check her site out or look up http://ZinkyZoo.com and sorry for the link, but I thought it was ok for the subject. I Hope this helps.

Feb 08, 2012
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Understood.
by: Anonymous

Don't make her wear one. Bras are to feel comfortable. And they aren't.

Jan 28, 2012
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I have to check her bra compliance!
by: Anonymous

She tries to sneak out without one...says they're uncomfortable. She also has to wear her headgear at least 18 hours a day and this is an even bigger problem! I can understand it's painful and embarrassing but she would not comply so the orthodontist installed a headgear timer which seems to be solving the problem.She now wears it at school all the time and does not take it off in the middle of the night to be sneaky. I told her that she has to wear her headgear at all times except sleeping and eating PS she has gotta start wearing that bra though!

Jan 06, 2012
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Tactile and Bras
by: Carol

Wow! it's good to hear there are others who are miserable wearing those damn bras. (I didn't know I was tactile until I was 43 and had to deal with my daughter being tactile.)

School was so frustrating and I was the last to wear a bra in my class, and that was a old wore out bra from my sister. The only thing I could stand. I still look desperately for the right bra that I can feel comfortable in. I don't like jeans either, give me stretch pants any day.

Oct 11, 2011
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nipple covers or band-aids
by: Anonymous

I have never been able to stand wearing a bra, and luckily was not forced to when a minor and can choose not to now. (I don't have especially large breasts, so it's not at all uncomfortable not to be "supported" -- I'm 46 and they still support themselves quite well.)

I have always been modest in my clothing choices, however; but there is no inherent conflict with my not wearing a bra. If I am wearing a top that my nipples would show through, I just cover my nipples with those nipple covers one can buy (not stripper pasties -- the ones they sell in dept. stores that look like flowers w/ petals). Or if I am short on funds, with Band-aids, which are vastly cheaper and work just as well.

It's visible nipples that are generally considered too sexually provocative in America, not absence of a bra per se. (I mean, if you think about it, a bra does nothing to hide one's bosom; it actually makes it more prominent by padding the breasts with an extra layer of padded cloth. Some people need them for support, I gather; I don't, thank God. And I'm 46, so I can say by now that going without a bra does not *make* them saggy -- I am a B-Cup and I still flunk the pencil test.)

If that is an option you even vaguely think your daughter is willing to entertain, by all means suggest it.

It will keep her from showing the part of the breast considered the sexual part through thin clothes; and if she doesn't need the support, she doesn't need a bra; if she does need the support, it's because it's uncomfortable to go without it, and the discomfort of that will either outweigh the discomfort of a bra or vice-versa. Either way, she should be allowed to be comfortable, since she is not being inappropriate if her nipples are not poking about visibly.

Sep 28, 2011
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I know how she feels!!
by: Anonymous

I am sorry you are going through this as a parent. But as a 44 yr old with the same problem, I can understand your daughter's pain and suffering. I absolutely cannot wear a bra! I cannot tolerate anything binding me around my torso. Check into body-shaping camisoles. While they are not exactly comfortable, I am able to tolerate them better than a bra. And, if you don't suffer from the same problem, please, please understand that your daughter would probably love to be able to wear a bra like "normal" people do. It is something she cannot help and trying to "get used to it" would be like trying to "get used to" an ice pick in your eye. Good luck to you and your daughter!!

Aug 05, 2011
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Clasp in front
by: Anonymous

Assuming she's big enough to really need a bra, I recommend the clasp in front. If she doesn't like the shoulder strap these do come in racer backs. Wireless may help but it depends from person to person. I've found that the "smooth" bras work better sometimes, the ones meant to dodge bra lines. I rarely need a bra (it?s truly a confidence and comfort thing, I only feel one is necessary when I wear very thin fabrics or exercise) but when I do wear one it's a clasp in front, no wire, and racer back smooth bra because it's the hardest to feel.

Good luck

Jun 03, 2011
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It's not easy
by: mom of 3

I also have sensory issues and am 33yrs old. I wish it was as easy as just wear it and you will get used to it. I will literally scratch myself til I bleed if I wear a bra. I've tried them all and have never found one I can stand. Even the tanks with built in bras, sports bras etc make me insane. I wear tighter tank tops most of the time and have found ways of cutting the back portion of the shelf bra tanks that work better for me when I need the lift. I can remember as a teen wishing I could have my breasts removed because I was so miserable with the arguing with my parents, being forced to wear bras that killed me and in general having a very low self esteem due to it all. I still have major self esteem problems and even finding clothes it horrible. I buy clothes 2 sizes to big to cover up my breasts because I know they are saggy and not attractive.

I do worry so much because my daughter who's almost 10 has the same problems. She and I have worked the clothing part out ok but bra's are in the near future and I'm terrified. I understand how she feels and why but I know from 1st hand experience that we have to find a better solution and soon.

You might talk to a sensory doctor and see what they recommend. I hope you find something to help. This is not easy to live with or be a parent to.

May 09, 2011
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bras are harmful to your health
by: Anonymous

I refuse to let my daughter wear a bra. When she turns 18 she can wear whatever she wants, but until then she is going to be bra less. Bras are not good to your health. Scientists have proven that breast cancer and cystic fibrosis comes from wearing bras. Bras do nothing for supporting the breasts. For thousands of years women did not wear bras or anything else to support the bra. Bras are not necessary and really are harmful.

Mar 11, 2011
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Quit telling me what to do mom!
by: Anonymous

It sounds like you have been a picky-sticky type of mom and your daughter is not going to let you tell her that she has to wear a certain underwear. She figures that nobody has that right. She hates shops, but does she hate them without you along? Rebellion at the ski slopes is not at others, but at you and your authority. She figures that your trying to run her life and she is drawing the line with her under-clothes. It's her body, she tells you. You have a better chance at reason if you just leave her alone and stop worrying about her so much. Maybe you need a hobby so you she doesn't think you are always around the corner trying to catch her at something. Earn her respect through your own self confidence. This is all about control.

Tell her if she wants to go with-out a bra that it's her decision and you don't care. End it there and she will come around to the logic of the device anyway. Especially when her friends start to influence her and she gets tired of being looked at. Many teen girls will "flop around" for a wile until they realize that they prefer a little more dignity. Forget about the clothing stores, but take her out more in public so she can get to feeling slightly uncomfortable with people looking at her............she will want a bra, believe me, just maybe not one you picked out. You could always show her some pictures of a 50 year old ex-hippie girl and tell her she better stock up on the syrup for those pancakes! (smile) good luck !

Feb 15, 2011
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Hates bra idea
by: Anonymous

We have the bra problem with our 12 year old and feel quite helpless. She will not even try on the 6 different types I have bought, she does not care what people think. (She hates shops)We have also just gone skiing (we live in a hot climate) and it was a night mare trying to get her to wear warm clothing, the family do not ever want to take her somewhere cold again. She hates deep pressure as well as light pressure.

I think that her sensory issues have become worse as she reaches puberty has anyone else found the same? My husband believes that we should do nothing and hope one day she realizes that she needs a bra - what do others think?
LN

Jan 19, 2011
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I am 16 with the same problem..
by: Anonymous

I just found out about Tactile Dysfunction and i believe i have it. Let your daughter know, she is not alone. I though i was and that something was wrong with me. I thought it was sensory issues because i have always had trouble with socks, underwear, tags, itchy clothing.. and bras. I have found that the wire in the bra is what is causing the discomfort! I suggest that your daughter doesn't wear underwire bras it makes ALL the difference.

Jan 12, 2011
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same problem!
by: Anonymous

I'm having this very problem with my 11 year old at the moment. She's quite advanced for her age, developmentally and it's hard trying to get her to wear a bra even though she understands why it's important. She's in the school show as a dancer soon too and I cringe at the thought of her at practices whilst not wearing anything under her shirt. It's a great idea to get a trusted teacher involved who can do the 'policing' of the issue when us parents aren't around, even if it's just helping to get a bra on our girls when it's desperately needed...often this can lead to them 'getting used to it' and then we're hopefully almost there, even if its only for a little while. Unfortunately too often it's hard to explain why she wont wear it and she gets embarrassed that we talk to anyone about it. The whole tactile defensiveness is made so much more difficult to address as children get older as the hormones kick in and mood swings start etc..sometimes nothing you seem to do or say is right for them. Take heart though, we're not on our own and hopefully with our patience and understanding our children will grow up to be amazing adults x

Jan 04, 2011
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Racer back?
by: Mom2Kate

I am having the same problems with my 10 year old who is just starting to need one. The counselor at school talked to her about why she would need it and she was a little more receptive than when I told her the same things. We tried on several and she told me she didn't like the strap over her shoulder blades, so we have looked high and low for racer backs that aren't the pullover sports bras (those are too tight and she doesn't like them). We finally found one that was racer back that she can wear, problem is there was only one in her size, so we are still trying to find more just like it.

Good luck!

Oct 24, 2010
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bra suggestions and alternatives
by: Anonymous

Have you tried tank tops and other shirts with built in bras? I'm 25 and still deal with being tactile defensive. I'll admit that bras still bug me unless they're sports bras or the built in tanks. Depending on your daughters size she could try layering tank tops underneath her clothes.

Aug 26, 2010
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Keep trying
by: Anonymous

It's important that your DD wears a bra. First, her reputation- at this age- well it tough if the other kids get the wrong impression. Second, what is she doing for gym class? Does she have to change into gym clothes with others?

Have you tried a leotard under the clothes? It may help. Also ask your DD about what is hurting her with bras or things on her top. It maybe something that you can work around- I'm thinking strap perfect straps to pull the bra's straps up and out away from her sides, and things like that.

Also, I know at this age, peer pressure is very high. Can you use this as a starting point to try again with a bra or something underneath?

Let her know that she can change when she comes home from school. Use habitation, and give a reward greater than her resistance.

I hope any of these ideas help.

Aug 25, 2010
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hard phase
by: Anonymous

Goodness, what a difficult dilemma. If she refuses to wear anything tight under her clothes, could she get away with wearing over-layers such as a fleece vest (weather permitting)? I met one mother who was successful with a body suit (like for ballet or wrestling). Keep trying & good luck.

Jul 09, 2016
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Can't wear a bra
by: Anonymous

I'm a year 7 now and my boobs are pretty big but I can't wear bras I just hate it! I just wanna be normal basically every clothes you need a bra cause there see through and I can't wear them idk what to do please helpp if you can!!!

May 28, 2016
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sports bras?
by: Anonymous

I'm 14 but have been wearing a bra since I was around 11. I understand what your daughters going through, maybe just get her sports bras? those are sooo much more comfortable than actual bras in so many different ways. Plus they're really comfortable to just lounge around in

Jul 19, 2015
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BRA INVENTION!!!!!!!!!<3
by: Alli

I think bras suck!!!! they are tight..im currently wearing a sprots bra literally just started wearing them!!! honestly us girls need to make a new invention to hide our breasts!!! tell me your ideas!!! you know sometimes i just wish i could either be a boy or cut them breasts off ya know!!!
tell me yer inventions idea plz just email me at
paytonwiedoff@gmail.com

Dec 17, 2014
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16 year old daughters confirmation undershirt
by: Anonymous

We are catholic and when our 16 year old daughter was confirmed last may all the girls had to follow the outfit requirements.all the girls had to wear a white,poofy,formal ankle length dress,with a veil,gloves,white tights and white mary jane shoes.Under their dresses they had to wear a white,sleeveless under shirt with a cloth diaper and adult size plastic pants[rubberpants] under their tights.Their undershirt had to fit somewhat snug and had to be tucked in between the tights and rubberpants.My daughter didnt like wearing the snug undershirt and told me it felt weird not having a bra on!Most of the other girls said the same thing!

Feb 27, 2014
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Try try try
by: Anonymous

When my daughters (10 & 12) started "budding" I had a little discussion with them and bought them the care and keeping of you book. I went shopping with them to buy the bras. When my ten year old flat out refused to wear a bra, I wouldn't let her leave the house without one. You can feel the straps if you feel the back of the shirt. If she wasn't wearing one, I would march her back up stairs and watch her get changed. Hope this helps!

Feb 11, 2013
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You don't need brassieres!
by: Cassidy

Hello to all you women out there, I'm 19 years old. Girls and women do not need to wear brassieres. They don't prevent sagging. I hate wearing brassieres because when I do wear one, everyone can see that you are wearing a brassiere. I never wore a brassiere when I was a child like around 11 or 12. When my mom told me to wear a brassiere, I'd take it off in the girls' restroom. Natural breasts are meant to sag, even if you do wear a brassiere. For all you women out there trying to force your daughters (I've had personal experience from this) to wear brassieres, STOP! If they don't want to wear one, don't make them it's their live, not yours. I only wear a brassiere when I'm required to and until that happens I won't wear one. Puberty (Off topic) is the worst time of your life because you have to have "The Talk" about the changes and the first thing they'll say is "We will need to buy you a training/real brassiere"

Jan 05, 2013
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a question
by: asia

WHY SHE NEED SOMTHING

Nov 14, 2015
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I don't want one!
by: Laura

I'm 13 and going to start high school next year, I don't wear a bra I just wear crop tops but the sports ones since I find them the most comfortable and supportive. I don't want to been seen getting a bra with my mum. Whenever we are in a shop and she starts looking at ones I would fit, I just say goodbye and walk away. I know I can't avoid it forever but for now I'm happy to go without. I feel high school is a good time to start wearing a bra if you fit one properly and think it's the best option.I am awaiting (with dread) getting one once we start going uniform shopping. When I do get one, I know my mum will get me properly fitted for one so I want her to go first and then I'll feel less awkward and embarrassed.

Apr 06, 2015
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Lucky you
by: Anonymous

You guys are lucky your mom takes you shopping for bras I'm eleven and i ask my mom all the time but she never listens or we get into a fight (not physically)

Mar 12, 2015
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I know how you feel.
by: Anonymous

I know how you feel, I'm 12 and I was made to wear a bra starting 3rd grade, I really hated it so I started wearing bras without the cup, it actually was okay but overtime I got used to a bra. Not everyone needs to wear one, wear one when you want to or don't at all.

Aug 01, 2015
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Hi
by: Anonymous

Hello , I believe that you should let your daughter decide whether if she wants to wear a bra or not.

Dec 28, 2014
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Bras are not necessary
by: Anonymous

I'm 16and I'm the same you shouldn't force your daughter to wear one if she doesn't want to it's her decision to make not anyone else's.


May 23, 2014
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from some one who has been there.
by: Anonymous

Have you thought that maybe she has her own reasons for not wanting to wear one?

I had this issue when I was young.

I had issues regarding growing up and accepting it. I had a severe fear of change and I had to be allowed to over come it at my OWN pace and my OWN time. Not FORCED into it.

If my parent had come to me and FORCED me t o wear one against my will, I would have been severely scarred and all trust would have been lost.

Your child has sensory issues. Can you honestly tell yourself that her conforming to society's illogical view that breasts should defy the laws of physics and be perky and round is more important to you than her not having to be in pain and discomfort in her life? Can you imagine if some one did that to you? Forced you to do something that caused you extreme discomfort, pain,and malease?What kind of benefit do you think that would have for her? To live up to an expectation that is illogical in the first place?

please remember that youth is already an incredibly difficult time for teenage girls. Their bodies are changing in ridiculous uncomfortable ways against their will. Don't force them to make changes that harm them because of something they can't control.

I don't even know how relevant this anymore.
I just read this and had an image of my 14 year o ld self sobbing herself to sleep because of puberty happening against her will and how LUCKY i was to not be forced into a bra because I wouldn't have been able to emotionally handle it.


Let teens come to adulthood on their own terms. Always be willing to talk to them ab out it. Allow them access to the items so that if they get curious, or they want to adjust, they have it on hand to ease into. Don't force a conversation. Don't worry about what classmates will think, your child does not exist to please and satisfy others.

Their expectation that breasts should defy gravity and be round is irrational, and the idea that a person should subject themselves to severe discomfort to meet this expectation is also, once again, completely ridiculous and asking way too much of a person than they have any right to ask.


If your daughter comes home from school crying because of mean people, you tell her what I told you. That it isn't her job to exist for the benefit of others. It is not her job to have body parts that defy gravity and it isn't her job to be put in discomfort to achieve this illusion. That she is not in the wrong; THEY are.




Oct 23, 2011
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Why ever?
by: Anonymous

Why ever do you want to force your daughter to wear a bra? Just leave her braless. Even D or F cupsizes can go braless without problems and did so until a mere 80-85 years ago! The bra is a modern and very recent invention.

So just leave that thing off.

And no, that is NOT some sort of illness not to want to wear a restricting, unhealthy garment your body never was meant to be bound up in. It is just about as unhealthy and unnatural as tiny (crippled) bound Chinese feet or the displaced organs within a female corset or a wooden peg through the nose.

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