At first it was hard for me to differentiate too, but eventually you just learn your child. It depends on what sensory issues you are dealing with also. With us we have made a rule that even if she thinks an item of clothing doesn't feel good she at least has to try it on (even if she has before) sometimes this rule works and sometimes its a little harder with crying and a little fear, but when she turns to hitting and screaming and using attitude (which is not her normal personality) we tell her .. we put her in her bed and tell her she can come out when she is ready to follow the rules and speak respectfully and also we make a point to tell her that we are not upset with her because her clothes don't feel good, we are upset with her because of how she is behaving. also things that have nothing to do with needing sensory input we have noticed is just her testing her boundaries and we handle it accordingly. just remember spanking never solves anything... it will just teach them it's okay to hit considering kids learn by what you do not what you say... plus it would only backfire in a sensory kid. We have found that if we impose certain rules that apply mid meltdown not matter what the reason for her actions it creates consistency and a general idea that no matter what you are going through it is never okay it hit or be disrespectful. just remember to just take a deep breath and walk away... stop trying to get them to do the action and remind them it will resume once they calm down and they will not play until after she is ready to do whatever the rule may be...
sorry its so long but its hard to describe.
i hope this works for you, i know behavior problems can put a huge wedge between the relationship and it hurts... just remember you child still loves you and needs your love.
