Question about 3 year old daughter

by erin
(rhode island)

my daughter is 3 years old (turned 3 in the end of march) and she just started preschool. While she has always been energetic and precocious, we've never had any concerns about her developmental progress (said a few words by 10 months, speaking few word sentences by 18 months, etc--also was crawling by 9.5 months, walking at 13 months, loves to climb, run, etc.). She is very creative and LOVES to pretend, makes up stories, always saying "mommy--you be the grandmother, i'll be the little girl" etc.


She is not great with fine motor--she can undress herself and is capable of putting on her shirt or pants but has no interest in it so i have to make her stop and focus to do it (she would much prefer that i do it for her). she can draw a circle, straight lines, paints at at school, etc. but is definitely not drawing as the same level as some four year olds in her class. she started school on september 7 and we had her parent/teacher meeting last friday. Her teacher said she is friends with everybody, leads pretend play and the kids love to play with her because she is so imaginative and fun. she is a "really good friend" and adjusts what she is playing based on feedback from other kids (i.e. she wanted everyone to play "scary old ladies" and one kid said "that scares me" so my daughter said--"ok, let's play nice old ladies instead"....no concerns from a social standpoint. But then the teacher said she is concerned about her hand/eye coordination and attention since she doesn't do a great job pulling up her own underpants and then pants (it is usually a jumbled mess) and she wiggles in her chair during lunch.

She also said yesterday that my daughter was repeating a question that she knew the answer to a bunch of times (not all the time, she did it once). She thinks this is "atypical" behavior and suggested an OT evaluation. I asked the teacher for other examples or concerns, if she felt any of these things were affecting her day to day behavior or ability to learn and she said no. But now i feel like she is looking for things to point on so she can tell me its atypical. My daughter has a lot of energy and likes to do what she likes to do. But they said she is doing well with transitions, listens to the teachers, etc. I am frustrated by the OT evaluation suggestion but feel like if i don't do it, the teacher is going to continue to find things that she thinks aren't normal and point them out. I want my daughter to be able to be herself and i don't think she should have to act a certain way ("cookie cutter") as long as she is learning and making progress.

My mother in law does early intervention and is with my daughter every Monday since she was born--she feels there are no issues and that the teacher must not know what a sensory issue truly looks like. I want to do what is best for my daughter and am wondering if i should just do the evaluation. On the flip side, everything I read says the parent would be seeing strange or difficult behavior and we just don't see that. I should also mention that this is a private all girls school. Any thoughts would be appreciated.

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Oct 28, 2011
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Really understanding.
by: Hannah

Hello. My son also asked questions when he knew the answer and interrupted and couldnt process and remember multiple step directions. I noticed at 5 he was doing things without having the two sense, like when we walked to school he stopped and stood in the smoke of a car exhaust during winter. He stood and stared. I had to tell him to keep going. Another time was when he was brushing his teeth. He spat in the sink, brushed and moved his toothbrush bristles in his spit in the sink. He is very curious and wants to learn, in that way, he is active. I don't know if you would call hyperactive. Seems he's inattentive. (ADD) To test him based on my concerns I had to fill out a long questionnaire. As the result he falls in the ADHD/ADD range. He is quite below average in math and reading now. He's 10. But he did receive all A's, a B and satisfactory grades just previously.

I've come to realize after countless efforts of healthy eating, supplements of omega-3s, vitamins, brain support supplements, that we too as parents should remember if possible how we were when we were our kids age. If we seem to get so caught up in the seriousness of our responsibilities and the negative things in life that we arent capable of keeping an open mind and view of a child's special personality from inheritance or such qualities, then we might miss out on the most truly enjoyable moments of our lives but theirs. My son does need to take a reading help program and math in school but it is definitely needed.

He is also good at transition. He's moved 9 times in his life. He pretends alot, creates alot, and even asks how he would be able to afford a house when he gets older. What I learned is to actively encourage my child's creative mind, do things with our hands, get books from the library, laugh, make good memories, once and for all I stopped thinking about what's "wrong". Stopped wondering why he is like this. With good upbringing, love and support, in a few years, there will be no concerns like there were. No ones going to care best for your child but YOU. Sounds like you are doing a great job at being attentive. I've researched about everything for my son-from vaccines( which I no longer except for my children) to herbs and minerals. Omega-3s are important for the brain also water and oxygen. It's fun to learn! Wish you and family the best and hope this helps.

Oct 28, 2011
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Skeptical
by: Anonymous

sounds like you are raising a bright, creative, energetic, happy little girl. :) of course all kids/adults have their quirks and challenges but from what you have described, sounds fairly typical for her age.

what type of training does this teacher have? how long has she been doing it? what are her expectations that your daughter isn't meeting? those would be the questions i would be asking myself to try and figure this out. seems like there ought to be more to the big picture than the few tidbits the teacher has described. and it doesn't sound like she's struggling in the school environment.

if you have never suspected issues or things about your daughter that impede her progress and growth then there probably isn't an issue. on the flip side, i can see why in some situations a teacher may mention something to a parent- unfortunately there are many parents who don't clue into issues/challenges that their children are having until much later or never. i'm not saying that is you, i'm just saying that i can see why it could happen. sounds like you are a very plugged in mother who wants what's best for your child. :) don't we all!

is the teacher saying that she thinks your child has sensory issues? do you think she does? have you done the checklist on this website? it can be very insightful.

good luck.

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