Rae's SPD testimony

by rachel
(tennessee)

hi my name is rae, short for rachel. but you can call me rae.

for as long as i remember i have suffered from OCD since i was 5. i never used to be able to wear shoelaces or underwear. my mom could never figure out what was wrong with me. she thought i probably had horrible behavioral problems, probably thought i was going to be a hard- headed, problem child. well she was right.

except this went on for about 4 to 5 more years without anything being diagnosed. mostly because we didnt know anything was wrong. when i was 9 i was diagnosed with growth hormone deficiency. which means i stopped growing, or in my case, i was growing unnaturally slow. i am now 4'9 and i have stopped growing completely.

now thats just my backstory. fast foward again when i was 15. My OCD is consuming every part of my life and its unavoidable. during my middle school years the OCD took a sort of backseat, but it was definitely present. my mom decided to put me into therapy. because when i entered high school it had a dress code of only polo shirts and khaki pants. i couldnt deal with this. so therapy which only lasted about 6-8 months,it wasnt helping.

the next visit to my doctor and we talked to her about my OCD. she mentioned medication and CBT, along with a term called 'sensory integration disorder.' now,me being 15... i really had no clue what she was talking about because my doctor didnt explain it very well. nevertheless,this is what i was soon to believe i have.

i am now 18. i still have SPD, but now i am on medication and i have a better (not mis-diagnosed) definition to what is wrong with me. now that i know the exact problem and not just some 'mental dysfunction' blah blah. it has made my psyche so much healthier, i though i was seriously mentally crazy. some people dont know how relieved i am that i know now i have SPD. its a tangible,physical problem that many others suffer from.

thats my story,its not really happy. but im glad to be able to share it.