So relieved to find this site

by Melissa
(Massachusetts)

I am a 34 year old mom of 4 kids. I have 3 boys & one girl. My daughter who is 4 years old, always from the time of her birth had an issue with clothes & shoes, and the problem only seemed to get worse as she grew older. When she was 2 years old I asked our family pediatrician why she was having major issues with clothing & shoes and he stated she was to young to diagnose.


Now at 4 years old, we cannot even go anywhere without her freaking out about clothes and she only wants to wear dresses, one pair of shoes,and only certain underwear. If she does not have these "only clothes" she freaks out & screams & screams and I have had to force her to wear jeans. When we get in the car she just takes them off stripping down to her underwear in a rage.

When I have gone to my son's football games she has thrown herself on the ground screaming her shoes are not tight enough... I felt so helpless because all my other kids don't have this type of behavior. Other than the clothes issue's she is a very smart,beautiful,loving little girl... I was very afraid I would never be able to send her to school with these issues.

Finally, I called her pediatrician and said please, I really think this is an issue, I can't go anywhere with her in the fall/winter because she only wants to wear dresses & tappy shoes as she calls them in 40 degree weather... I am looking like a horrible parent... I have missed out on a lot of my sixteen year old, who is graduating next year, events due to this behavior of my daughter.

The doctor referred me to a specialist that deals with clothing sensory, so I am crossing my fingers... I decided on my own to do some research & found this site... wow I am pure tears of joy in my eyes... that finally this was understood... and that I wasn't a bad parent... it was nice to know we were not the only ones dealing with this... I am hoping we will be able to treat this... and my little princess can go to school like she so wants to.

I know she does not want to feel that way... it's something out of her control... and it breaks my heart to see her freaking out over clothes & shoes. I cannot wait to meet this specialist & start working on her clothing issues... so I can enjoy my daughter & start taking my family places without the screaming & rages over clothes...

Thank you for all those that have written for us parents to read.. it really helps to see we are not the only one...

sincerely,

Melissa from Massachusetts

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Nov 06, 2016
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Pay attention
by: Anonymous

It is not that easy like let the kids be free. It is abnormal. A kid that has these kinds of behaviours need attention. My daughter never wanted to buy clothes. She usually wears the same androgen shirt in different colours, and rejected to buy clothes. Now, as a teenager she developed anorexia nervosa. At this moment, she is in the hospital. She has anxiety, and depression. This kind of behaviour is a clue that something is not right.

Mar 15, 2016
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SPD? ??
by: Anonymous

Children are free spirits. If she wants to wear a dress it's because she feels good in one. Why not let her wear the dress over the top of the pants you want her to wear. Forcing her is teaching her that what she likes isn't right. I regret not letting my daughter wear dresses all the time when she was young... now she only ever wears leggings and sneakers. They do grow out of it eventually. She just wants to feel pretty. It's just a stage so embrace it I say.

Feb 11, 2016
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4 year old having OT does tolerate bamboo clothing
by: Anonymous

Hi - my grandson who has been a nightmare from being tiny and used to HATE nappies was diagnosed with SPD aged 3 and 1/2 and has started OT . The only clothes we can get him into and which stay on are bamboo tops and black leggings from the BAM site (with labels cut out of course!) . He lives in crocs shoes snow/rain or shine and underwear is a no no . His nursery make him wear socks n black trainers ( which he hates and rips off asap) . Coat/hat/ gloves also hopeless - he wraps himself with one of his 4 soft blankets he has had years to keep warm . (Nursery also disallow) . Due to start school September 2016 - no idea how we will negotiate the battles there. We live outer London and UK medics appear to have little truck with SPD . Anyway, God will make a way - but thought would share re the bamboo clothes if useful to anyone else .

Dec 31, 2015
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they will grow out of it.
by: Anonymous

I had problems when I was little with anything touching my hands. I hated mittens and gloves and it was torture having to hold my dad's hand. None of the stated hurt, but have me an overbearing tickling sensation. As I got older it went away...I would guess around 10-12 years old. Nothing wrong with me as an adult. Normal as can be. Normal health, normal brain, normal life.

Dec 30, 2015
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SPD
by: su

i have the same issue with my 4 year old...
my question is what kind of activities you do with her at home?

how can i help her deal with that as start, and before i take her to the OT appointment?

Oct 11, 2015
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My daughter just hates clothes
by: Anonymous

So glad to see that this is a problem as I have always just thought its just my daughter playing up. My daughter is 5 years old and the problem has got worse she won't wear socks only for school she hates underwear. She will only wear certain things like thin play suits 1 pair of shoes hair hair plaits have to be in a certain place on her head. I am losing the will to live lost for ideas with her she won't wear pyjamas at bed time doesn't like being clothed. Her teacher in school has picked up on her problem as she won't wear put her or kit on she has lots of lovely clothes and won't wear any she will only wear certain knickers she will never wear a coat even in the freezing cold wet weather I feel like a bad mum letting her go out wearing next to nothing it's an ordeal every time we're going out just don't know what to do anymore ?????

May 22, 2015
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Wits end :(
by: Katie

I wish someone had an answer for me! It's reassuring to know were not alone, but it doesn't help that several hours of the day are of my just trying to not lose my mind over my four year old screaming her face off about socks, shoes, underwear, coats, mittens, tshirts, pants, literally any article of clothing is enough to set of an all out scream fest that lasts a good hour!

I'm defeated and I hate myself because I can't even begin to know how to deal with it, I have no help and I wm all out of patients!

If anyone!!! ANYONE has ANY ideas on what the heck I'm supposed to, I would be forever greatful because I'm losing my damn mind!!!!

May 07, 2015
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Clothing choices
by: Anonymous

I'm 14 years old. My sister has had a lot of trouble with similar things. We saw an OT for a while that put athletes tape on her feet. When the tape was on my sister didn't feel like she had to tighten her shoes as much (which was good because we were afraid that her feet weren't getting enough circulation!).

When I was younger I also had problems with clothing. My mom was nice enough to let me wear whatever was comfortable. If I need clothes I still have to got to the store and try one about 10 things before I buy even 1 shirt etc.

If parents can please let your kids wear what they need to wear for their sensory system. A good option is when you find clothes that your kids like buy several of them, that way you can wash them while your kid is wearing the same thing.

Mar 20, 2015
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SPD? ??
by: Anonymous

Now this is an "aha" moment! My daughter is 9, will be 10 as of May/15. For the last few years things have gotten worse with her clothing likes and dislikes. At first it was just jeans...she hated them, which isn't all that abnormal. So I bought her some super stretch pants with a button so she didn't always wear track pants to school but she took such a temper tantrum she actually took a pair of scissors to them!! So it's either tights, yoga pants, or track pants. She also hates long sleeve shirts or all kinds, she wears t-shirts year round. When she puts a shirt on with a mock neck or long sleeves she will cry and tug/stretch it to try to make it fit better but she always ends up changing.

Mornings are rough, our newest hurdle is socks...they have to be the cheap lose ankle socks or she goes into panic mode....and God forbid she can't find a clean pair of socks, even my socks (which my feet at 3 sizes bigger then hers) are too "tight" for her. We struggle each morning and I assumed she was just very over dramatic or trying to be miss drama and enjoyed the spot light while taking her tantrums but I think I have been wrong...and feel horrible for it. There is nothing more frustrating when the morning is filled with getting ready for work, making lunches, getting the younger one ready for school, breakfast made, dogs cared for and my 9 year old crying/screaming because her socks are tight...are socks not supposed to be tight?? In her case I guess not! I guess I have some reading to do and try to help her better then I have. She also will not wear her hair down, it's always in a pony tail and in a bun at bed time.

Sep 26, 2013
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My daughter never wears socks either!
by: Anonymous

Wow, I wish I had found this site years ago - my daughter never wears socks either!

I gave up on her ever wearing socks many years ago, and she has been much happier without them.

It started when she was very young like 2, she was always resistant to wearing all kinds of socks or hose or tights, anything clinging tightly to her feet she didn't like at all.

At first she would cry when I would try to put socks on her, then as she got a bit older, she would actually take her shoes off, then take her socks off and throw them asside, and put her shoes back on without socks.

It wasnt such a big deal during spring, summer or fall months, but in the winter I thought she needed them. But she vehemently disagreed and prefered to go without socks, even in close toed shoes.

So by age 4 Id pretty much given up on her ever wearing socks. It wasn't worth the daily battle. That was over 9 years ago.

I literally think my 13 year old daughter has probably not worn any kind of socks, tights, hose or anything of the sort covering her feet in 10 years.

She wears closed toed and closed heeled shoes without socks every single day now, whether to school or after school. She wears penny loafers to school bc of the school uniform requirements, but is allowed to not wear socks. They actually changed the rule on sock requirements the year before she enrolled bc so many elementry aged girls were wearing ballet flats without socks, that it was getting awkward to try to enforce the socks portion of the uniform requirement.

Even in gym class she wears her nike cheer sneaker without socks. When she dresses for church, she wears mary janes without socks or hose, because she still doesn't like the feeling of them touching her feet.

In the winter months, she wears warm boots without socks, like uggs or the like.

I would have never guessed it 10 or 11 years ago when she first started making a big fuss about not wearing socks, but she really has had a perfectly happy, healthy childhood completely free of any kind of socks or anything clinging to her feet, and she has been much more plesant to be around because of it!

Glad to know there are other parents out there and that shes not alone!

Sep 09, 2009
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HH please join www.sensoryplanet.com
by: Anonymous

HH -you are the only other parent with a child with issues of clothing on the waist. Please message me in sensoryplanet. Jackie

Aug 20, 2009
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clothing
by: Anonymous

This website has been so helpful to find other parents with similar situations. My daughter has also has struggled with tactile defensiveness for several years. The brushing program did not work for her either. We have tried different things with our schedule to help her out. She does much better with a lot of deep pressure and deep muscle work.

I have found that there is Hanes Microfiber underwear that work well for her. They don't have the same elastic band as the other underwear. She wears them more on her hips than up around her waist. She will make things excessively tight to help it not driver her crazy. I am amazed at the coping mechanisms that these young children will use to try to get through everyday activities.

Aug 17, 2009
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TACTILE DEFENSIVENES/clothing issues
by: Anonymous

I also have a 4 year old daughter who hates to wear clothes. She insists that they hurt her. She hates seams, elastic, tags, threads, etc. She stays totally naked when she is home and when we go out in public the only things we are able to keep on her are dresses and a few select flip-flops. She absolutely refuses to wear underwear and socks (even seamless socks).

We were finally able to have her diagnosed as having tactile defensiveness and her OT recommended doing the Wilbager brushing technique and also listening therapy but we have not managed to follow through with these. She doesn't like wearing the the big, awkward earphones and she thinks the brushing hurts even. Time has been a factor for us as well. She also refuses to tie the strings on her dresses . she has also been chewing on alot of things.

She found all of her big sister's new pencils for school and bit all the erasers off and made bite marks on the pencil. She also asks for cold baths often and popsicles and doesn't care to go with out the proper clothes in cold weather even. she will wear shoes without socks and get blisters and sores to the point where her little feet are bleeding but she insists the pain of the socks is worse. she doesn't like the feel of hardly any fabrics, she has issues with our furniture, bedding, and even my clothes and skin when she tries to sit on my lap.

The few times this summer that we've managed to make her wear (exercise/lycra ) pants she will wear a long shirt over them to conceal the fact that she isn't wearing underwear and also has her pants pulled down. she can not stand anything on her belly or waist. she also has issues with her female area.( her legs often get galded and chapped and she often gets infections which the pediatric gynecologist said was vaginitis. I personally thinks she may be getting yeast infections (she had thrush as an infant) I cannot seem to find any help. I am absolutely desperate.

The message from Melissa in Massachusetts that I just read is the first story that sounds remotely close to her. I would love to be able to contact you. Will you please tell me if you were able to find someone who could help your 4 yr. old daughter. And also tell me what type of underwear she will wear. I have tried everything that I have found available for purchase and she hates it all.If anyone can relate to any of this please contact me.Thanks! HH

Nov 22, 2008
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MY SON IS SPD TOO
by: Anonymous

I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL. MY SON IS ABOUT TO TURN 6 AND WE HAVE BEEN DEALING WITH HIS CLOTHING ISSUE FOR 3 YEARS NOW. HE JUST STARTED KINDERGARTEN AND I ASKED HIS GUIDANCE COUNSELOR WHY HE THROWS FITS BECAUSE I MAKE HIM WEAR UNDERWEAR, SOCKS AND GOD FORBID IF HIS PANTS HAVE POCKETS! SHE TOLD ME ABOUT SPD AND I WAS JUST FLOORED. THIS IS MY SON EXACTLY! I AM ALSO GOING TO SEEK OTHER HELP FOR HIM BUT FIRST I AM GOING TO DO MORE RESEARCH MYSELF. THERE SEEMS TO BE A LOT OF USEFUL INFO FOR PARENTS LIKE US OUT THERE AND IF ALL IT TAKES FOR HIM TO BE HAPPY IS SEAMLESS CLOTHES THEN IM ALL FOR IT!

THANKS, SYMPATHETIC IN GILBERT S.C.

Nov 18, 2008
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Wow!
by: Sarah

I have been battling these same issues with my daughter who just turned 8. She is late to school almost everyday because of it. She is now falling behind in reading because she is always LATE & over obsessed with clothing/shoe/sock & hair issues!!!

Oct 26, 2008
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Have you found Carrie?
by: hartleysboys.blogspot.com

Kind of a strange thing to ask, but Carrie Fannin runs a support group through Yahoo in EVERY state around the US (and some other countries). You can also find her on facebook.com, here is what that group description is:

We are a discussion group, and much more! Sit back, relax, and read. This forum was created to help you find resources about SPD and to provide links to multiple topics that touch SPD.

SPD International is building listservs in each state. We consider these the "second generation" of listservs. What began as a pilot program in Washington state three years ago was finally expanded to every U.S. state to try and bring parents who are raising children with SPD together in their own communities. And while we are doing that, we'll also work hard to continually bring you relevant educational material and information about resources, conferences and support groups where you are living and raising your child.

As of August 2008, we have active participants in 41 states and a growing international listserv for those who live in other countries. To join one in your state, go to the following URL:

http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/SPDYourState (there is no space between "SPD" and the name of your state). Join the group in your state now and be part of a growing effort to build and raise community support! We think you'll be glad you did!

JOIN Your state group--and check out my blog.
Hartleysboys.blogspot.com

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