...So thats really it huh?

by N'gasta

I dont need to go to the adult symptoms list i Know what it'll say. How on earth to even talk about this? I was keeping up hope that it would just go away one day. But thats not going to happen is it?

Im glad to know i have a thing. A thing that is a thing and isnt in my head.

I had ignored the pain. there were clues sure but I thought everyone felt that way. Then I almost had my first sexual encounter. Simultaneously, i had the most painful second of my life.

It turns out, no, no most people can touch their own torso without convulsing and nearly vomiting. I am not one of these people.

So I ignroed it. I pushed it away. Then that became iimpossible, with a giant panic attack eruption. It was horrible, because I realised, in one moment I realised: I would never be able to enjoy the comforting physical contact needed by humans.

I continue in this state of things to this day. I have never hated my life, and that continues to be true. But I hate this. The pain, the fear, the "How do I even tell people about this?"... I hate all of that.

And I dont know where to go from here.