Violent meltdowns

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Violent meltdowns

My eight year old son has SPD and has very violent meltdowns where he attacks me. I am not sure how to deal with these and whether to punish him or not.

He never learns from consequences as loses all control when angry. He is very sorry afterwards and feels bad and can self harm. He says he doesn't want to do it but can't control it. If I do nothing then I am giving him the green light to hurt me.

What do I do? I live alone and fear he will seriously hurt me. Val

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Violent meltdowns

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Jun 20, 2009
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I go thru the same things!
by: Crista

We deal with the same thing with my son. I've found that keeping my calm makes the battles much shorter. If I start loosing my patience, he can tell and it feeds his fire. We've figured out lately, when he lashes out at my husband and I, it stems from something else bothering him. We've been working with a psychologist as well as his pediatrician. We had to change psychs until we found one that would help my husband and I learn to be proactive with Josh. She's been a BIG help. She suggested taking things away, for a brief time and reinforcing good behavior.

We've been giving him stickers when he displays behavior that we want. when he gets 7 stickers, he gets a prize. We went to Oriental Trading company and got a bunch of little prizes and he can choose what he wants.

Another things we've found with Josh is that he does much better when he has some sense of control about things, doesn't have to be anything big....picking what plate he has his dinner on, picking where he rides in the car, but it helps him to feel in control. Lack of control is a big trigger with his outbursts.

I really can relate to your concerns with this problem since my son can be so unpredictable and you never know if what stopped the episode last time will work this time.

Jun 17, 2009
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what I've found
by: Anonymous

My 5 yr old has melt downs at any given point in time for any reason that seems suitable to him at that time. I have found that pressure and weight helps. Some people call it restraint. I myself am looking forward to getting a weighted vest for my son. Also, I try to "wear him out" before events. Laughing seems to be the best "wear out" technique and tickling works real well. Provides touch, movement and laughter.

Jun 15, 2009
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feeling your pain,but help is their
by: Anonymous

I have had the same problems with my daughter. Since she was very little I have talked to the doctors and tried to explain it to daycare. But now that she is in school and has to follow stricter rules. we have found a medication with a psychologist that help her with the mood swings and meltdowns. I did not tolerate hitting of any kind. and yes, she has tried I just hug her and hold her and tell her that I love her and hitting is not how we show frustration or anger. now lets breath. and we do some deep breathing. and if she is still upset she can paint, write, yoga, dance to soft music. it has stopped alot yelling and destruction in my house. any hitting or kicking I would stop as soon as possible due to the fact it is not tolerated in school or daycare and no matter how sorry they are for it later teacher will still punish your child.

Jun 13, 2009
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my 13 year old
by: Anonymous

I BELIEVE IN SOME TYPE OF DISCIPLINE FOR THIS ,MAYBE TAKING A GAME AWAY FOR SHORT PERIODS BECAUSE THEY DONT UNDERSTAND LONG TERM,WORK UP TIME AS PUNISHMENT AND ABSOLUTELY DONT ALLOW HANDS ON CONTACT AGGRESSIVE,MY KIDDO DID THE SAME PHYSICAL ATTACKS BUT LETS FACE REALITY ,EVENTUALLY THEY COULD HURT SOME ONE ELSE.MY DAUGHTER HUGS ME HARD SHE WANTS TO HIT ME ME BUT CONTROLS IT TO DEEP PRESSURE ATTACKS SOME DAY WHEN I GET OLD SHE MAY BREAK MY RIBS LOL BUT ITS THE PRESSURE SHE WANTS MORE THEN THE HURTING OF ME IT TOOK ALOT OF WORK AND EVEN CALLING THE POLICE TO SHOW HER HANDS ON ATTACKS ARE OUT OF THE QUESTION.

I am not naive to the fact these kids are unpredictable it was not till she was 11 till she stopped hitting and started squeezing me ,I wish you the best of luck and know that your the safe one THEY DO LOVE US,EVEN THOUGH AT TIMES I SWEAR MY KIDDO HATES ME.I COULD GO ON AND BORE YOU TO DEATH,BUT TRY AS HARD AS YOU CAN TO NOT ALLOW THE HANDS TOO HIT YOU.AT ONE POINT i WRAPPED MY KID IN A BLANKET TO STOP FROM GETTING HURT SHE WOULD VOMIT AND CALM DOWN .I AM NO PRO JUST A MOM WHO UNDERSTANDS ....ITS NOT EASY

Jun 13, 2009
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answer
by: Val

Thank you everyone. I suspected I am not alone. I have been fighting for help since he was three and got nowhere but kept pushing.Was told he had autistic traits but recently SPD was diagnosed and possibly aspergers. We have started seeing an OT and we see a child psychiatrist but no one seems to be addressing his violence.

Sometimes I am made to feel it is my fault because I don't punish him enough but I see him and live with him and he does seem unable to help it and very remorseful afterwards.He already hates himself and says he wishes he was dead and I would be better of with out him which breaks my heart and he has tried to strangle himself which no one took seriously apart from me. The new psychiatrist is much better than the old one but things have reached a standstill again. The school is terrible and resist believing his problems as much as they can and even suggested we left if we didn't like it! I have the "Out of sync child" but still unsure of how much he can help what he does. If he can't help it how can he stop? Val

Jun 13, 2009
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Help is out there
by: Donna

Hi Val, I completely know how you are feeling. I went through the exact same issues with my 7 year old boy. We tried all kinds of avenues to help him before he was diagnosed with SPD. Behaviour management helped a little, but he became more frustrated with us. Once he was referred to a Paediatrician everything started to change. She was fantastic, she referred us to several consultants one of which was an OT who introduced him to a sensory diet, which was tailored for his needs, a brushing technique to desensitise his skin. This has totally changed his and our lives for the better She also recommended a book called, ?The Out of Sync Child? by Carol Stock Kraniwitz, which as it states is a bible to parents of children with SPD and it helped us enormously to understand him further and what we could do as parents to help him. We still have our down days, but the up days far out way the bad and this keeps me positive.

Don?t give up Val, you have a wonderful child underneath all his confusion, his behaviour is out of line not because he won?t do things right, but because he can?t. Go and see you Paediatrician as soon as you can and get him and you the help you deserve, and remember if you can?t be an advocate for your child who will. Keep strong and good luck, it will all be worth it.

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Jun 13, 2009
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Submitted by: Donna

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Hi Val, I completely know how you are feeling. I went through the exact same issues with my 7 year old boy. We tried all kinds of avenues to help him before he was diagnosed with SPD. Behaviour management helped a little, but he became more frustrated with us. Once he was referred to a Paediatrician everything started to change. She was fantastic, she referred us to several consultants one of which was an OT who introduced him to a sensory diet, which was tailored for his needs, a brushing technique to desensitise his skin. This has totally changed his and our lives for the better She also recommended a book called, ?The Out of Sync Child? by Carol Stock Kraniwitz, which as it states is a bible to parents of children with SPD and it helped us enormously to understand him further and what we could do as parents to help him. We still have our down days, but the up days far out way the bad and this keeps me positive. Don?t give up Val, you have a wonderful child underneath all his confusion, his behaviour is out of line not because he won?t do things right, but because he can?t. Go and see you Paediatrician as soon as you can and get him and you the help you deserve, and remember if you can?t be an advocate for your child who will. Keep strong and good luck, it will all be worth it.

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Jun 12, 2009
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Meltdowns
by: Anonymous

This sounds like something you should discuss with your pediatrician.

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Violent meltdowns

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Violent meltdowns