Weary Eyed I Fight

by Lindsay Kelly

Weary eyed I fight- for my child who has not a choice.

I never imagined I’d engage in a relationship between this child’s senses and her brain. They often do not communicate well, and so I act as mediator, interpreter, and confidant. My hope is that one day my beautiful girl will do this for herself. I use whatever means necessary, although the strength to do so does not come from me.

My strength is drawn from her adamancy to be, and to be okay. Her tenacity to cope- gives me the tenacity to try one more thing, one more day.

When exhaustion and overload argue in my mind- we swing.

When the phone is ringing and younger brother is banging on a child’s drum- we escape to her “quiet place”.

When too much is too much- yet I need to keep going with the day’s activities - I still muster the words to say ’enough’.

Yes, I fight. Explaining to others, who would readily explain it all away, I challenge others to change their perspective. I do so because I know her reality will not change. I fight my own demons that whisper in my mind the secret wish for one day normal.

I loudly shout the blessings of having this beautiful girl- who can hear all the noise in the world. She offers me hope, and giggles, and emotion. She offers me a new perspective. While we did not have a say in the matter- we have a say on how the matter is handled, and so I FIGHT!