What to do with 2 opposite SPD children?

What to do with 2 opposite SPD children?

by Krimzon
(VA, USA)

Hello. I am a single mother of two children, a daughter who is 8 years old, and a son who is 17 months old.

My son was recently diagnosed with SPD, and we are starting to begin treatment.

My daughter however was diagnosed with ADHD, OCD, anxiety and depression some time ago. I have always questioned this because she only shows a few signs of ADHD. Not completely. When I read information on SPD for my son, I literally sat here in tears, not for my son, but because of my daughter. It was perfectly clear to me that she actually has SPD and has been suffering through ineffective education, treatment and medication for no reason. Of course I am having a very difficult time with the doctors because they "couldn't have possibly made a mistake, it is surely ADHD. I'm just an overactive parent."

The problem also is this, my children are at opposite ends of the spectrum. They have some simularities, both:

hate clothes, especially socks, long sleeves, grooming, bath time, brushing teeth, undergarments or diapers, (they both would go around naked if I would let them), over-eating and digestive problems, sleeping problems, mood swings and tempers. Both are extremely clumsy, and very destructive. Both rock, prefer certain types of blankets and clothing. Both would hit their heads against the wall as infants and hide.

Here is how they differ:

My daughter doesn't like hugs and close affection, only when it is initiated by herself. My son however has to be held very tightly, to the point it hurts my arms.

My daughter is an avid risk taker, where as my son won't even touch grass and will completely meltdown, and excessively shake all over with the slightest change in position.

My daughter likes groups, but doesn't play well with others because she has to completely control everything, where as my son has a complete nervous breakdown anytime someone walks in the room or if I walk out of it.

My daughter prefers to turn the TV completely up, music blaring, screaming and tantrums, my son however "again" has a complete nervous breakdown if you just says his name too loud or a door shuts loudly.

My daughter is very destructive to herself. Writing on herself, tearing her clothing or rubbing food on them, scratching, hitting her head or legs. My son however does this to other people, biting, hitting, pinching, scratching.

My daughter doesn't like hot foods, where my son doesn't like cold foods. They both over-eat however, can never seem to get full.

Ok, finally getting to the point. First, how can I get more help from the doctors and other people such as family without them always just turning and pointing their finger at me, like I'm just a worried my mom and it's all my fault. Second, how do you live happily in one home with two children who have different SPD needs, without neglecting either one, and without driving myself insane. Because believe me, I'm almost there.

Any advice is appreciated! Thank you :)

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What to do with 2 opposite SPD children?

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May 16, 2008
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2 opposite SPD children
by: Lauri

I know how you feel. My oldest daughter has SPD - tactile defensive, oral seeking, vestibular seeking, auditory defensive, often acts aggressively to sensory stressors, has difficulty paying attention in school due to background noise, tactile issues, and lack of movement.

My youngest daughter also shows signs of milder SPD issues - auditory defensive, vestibular seeking, aggressive behavior, mild tactile seeker. There is never a dull moment in our home. The girls (I have 3 - ages 10, 8, and 5) argue and act aggressively toward each other all the time.

My consolation is that for the most part they hold it together for school, however, home life is so stressful. I have found that allowing each child to have a private space and ample time with Mom or Dad are helpful. We also have a set of rules posted (no more than 10 rules that are age appropriate and apply to the whole family).

We limit TV time because that only adds to the impact of the sensory issues and encourage lots of gross motor play (indoors and out). We have activities that are appropriate for indoor play that provide them with lots of heavy work activities for their sensory diets. We also try to make sure our oldest has a schedule that she follows because without a strict routine she is miserable. It's harder when they are younger because they don't understand as well, but it will get better when they are able to self regulate.

We also make sure that punishment is consistent-often hard for kids with SPD as they can't sit still for time-out, but other methods don't work well either. You just have to be firm and insist on compliance.

Good luck!

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May 16, 2008
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Submitted by: Lauri

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I know how you feel. My oldest daughter has SPD - tactile defensive, oral seeking, vestibular seeking, auditory defensive, often acts aggressively to sensory stressors, has difficulty paying attention in school due to background noise, tactile issues, and lack of movement. My youngest daughter also shows signs of milder SPD issues - auditory defensive, vestibular seeking, aggressive behavior, mild tactile seeker. There is never a dull moment in our home. The girls (I have 3 - ages 10, 8, and 5) argue and act aggressively toward each other all the time. My consolation is that for the most part they hold it together for school, however, home life is so stressful. I have found that allowing each child to have a private space and ample time with Mom or Dad are helpful. We also have a set of rules posted (no more than 10 rules that are age appropriate and apply to the whole family). We limit TV time because that only adds to the impact of the sensory issues and encourage lots of gross motor play (indoors and out). We have activities that are appropriate for indoor play that provide them with lots of heavy work activities for their sensory diets. We also try to make sure our oldest has a schedule that she follows because without a strict routine she is miserable. It's harder when they are younger because they don't understand as well, but it will get better when they are able to self regulate. We also make sure that punishment is consistent-often hard for kids with SPD as they can't sit still for time-out, but other methods don't work well either. You just have to be firm and insist on compliance. Good luck!

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May 16, 2008
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What to do with 2 opposite SPD children?
by: Anonymous

It's hard believe me. Too often I heard, all they (the kids) need is a good spanking. It takes a lot of patience,love,and positive reinforcement. We had to spend a lot of time with the school teachers and had weekly contact with them. A good therapist and psychiatrist were also a godsend.

My son is graduating next week from HS, and I never imagined we would or could come so far. It still takes a lot of patience with him especially when shopping for clothes or making dinner. It also can cause problems in one's marriage if both parents are not supportive. But husband is a non believer in medicine and therapists and refused to believe there was anything wrong. So I went on my own and had my children tested without him.

Just keep involved with your children & if they don't like to be touched etc.... there are so many other ways to show them you care. Little pictures,notes, anything that lets them know you are there for them.

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What to do with 2 opposite SPD children?

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What to do with 2 opposite SPD children?