Chooses Friends over Family Members.

by Dani

My 4yr old daughter has SPD. We are waiting for therapy to begin, so we don't yet have a complete understanding on how to deal with her tantrums, transitioning and coping skills. She is obsessed with playing with the two neighborhood girls.

She has often ignored family members(grandparents) for these children. My daughter loves spending time with my mom, and does so usually at least once a week. She was on her way out the door to leave with her, but my daughter saw her friend and immediately changed her tune and would not go with my mom. My mom was crushed. I have NO idea what to do in this situation, and struggle with her obsession to play with these children daily.

Some of these girls are not the BEST friends to have. And now I find myself trying to find a way to reassure my mom that my daughter loves her, and also I am struggling to find a way to teach my daughter to appreciate her family members.

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May 13, 2010
mine too
by: Anonymous

My child also has difficulty with transitioning, and has frequent meltdowns. I notice that most of the time other children don't see her as being different (of course she's only four yrs old) but I wondered if maybe your childs neighborhood friends are the same and aren't distracted by your childs difficulties with changes.

A grandparent on the other hand it likely to say something about her behavior and how she should act, or even correct her in some way, something that her friends don't do.

this doesn't have anything to do with love or that the grandparent is doing anything wrong, it just may be the reason for her strong preference.
I hope you have started therapy by now and I hope it's going well- goodluck

May 17, 2009
by: mo2g

I think this is fairly normal behavior for any kid. At some point, all kids are going to pick playing w/ friends over parents, grandparents, whoever. Be glad you daughter is not afraid to play w/ the other kids.

As for your mom's hurt feelings, well, she's an adult, right? She should know by now not to take a child's behavior personally.

My own daughter will tell me she hates me, is going to run away, is going to cut me up w/ a chain saw, is going to rip my head off, you get the idea. A lot of what she says is just to get attention from me so I have to make sure not to give the negative behavior any attention at all. If I got upset every time she did/said something like this, then she would continue the behavior.

Maybe your mom should try not to get upset next time your daughter does this. Don't make a big deal. Just have your mom say something like, "Ok, if you want to play w/ your friends, that's fine w/ me. Of course, I was going to stop for ice cream, but...." Then she should just leave. Don't even mention it to your daughter unless she brings it up.

SPD forces a parent to be creative and always 2 days ahead. We haven't started therapy yet, either. Sigh.

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