Tears In My Eyes

by Melissa

Tears in my eyes,
Pain in my heart.
Wondering if this darkness,
Will ever part.

My eyes swollen and tender,
You see.
Wondering why it's happening,
To my baby.

I can't sleep Mom,
Too much fear.
Won't you please lay down,
And stay here?

I want to play Mom,
But I'm too shy.
Will you please go and ask,
If I can try?

Close the door Mom,
Lock it tight.
I am afraid,
Even though it's daylight.

I did not mean to hit him Mom,
It was not to be mean.
I just wanted to play,
And I am sorry to scream.

I am so excited Daddy,
When I see you get home.
I can not help but to jump,
And use a loud tone.

I don't like that shirt Mom,
It itches you know.
Why do you make me wear it?
I already told you so!

I love those hot chips,
They are delicious to me.
Water no way,
I'm no sissy.

His grandfather said...

"He's a brat,
A real trouble maker.
He is not 'sick',
He is just a faker.

You are not stern,
That is the dilemma.
You will not learn,
Withouta spanking hima!"

I came to bed in tears today... so much fear, worry, sadness and hurt... how do we test our children when insurance will not cover it and the testing is near $1,000? I will do anything for my little ones, do how do we get started??!

Comments for Tears In My Eyes

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Jun 02, 2020
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updating you
by: Anonymous

annnnd he was promoted while in boot camp and the top score in one area in his platoon and second in the entire company! Keep on sweet mama's and papa's loving caregivers. I was on bedrest 5 months with him, he was still a month early. Always have faith. YOU are making a difference.

Jun 02, 2020
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Updating you many years later
by: Anonymous

Dear loving caregivers! That was me many years ago writing the poem and MY BABY BOY IS NOW A US MARINE! Keep on being your child's closest advocate and their angels. You are a hero and a rockstar! My son was chosen as a varsity wrestler as a freshman, had three awards in HS school for both academics and sports. The difficult moments are always going to bring you the best times: from the rain comes the flowers. Please pray for my son's wellness, safety and success in every area professionally and personally and send out positive vibes as I once protected him, now he protects our country.

Oct 30, 2017
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The words I could not find
by: Tracy

This poem means so much, thank you for publishing it on this site. My 7 year old has suffered from a very early age as being labelled a naughty child when all he wants is to be liked. It breaks my heart every time school punishes him for being different.

I have tried to get a diagnosis but up until I read your poem it is very hard to put it into words as everyday is different. Now I feel that I can explain to people by using your words. Thank you so much this means so much to finally get some help.

Aug 04, 2012
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Thank you
by: Anonymous

This poem is amazing, made me cry while reading it. My 2 1/2 year old is being treated at the moment for sensory processing disorder and this makes it so much easier for people to understand x

Jan 23, 2012
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Thrill seeking
by: JadeMozingo@yahoo.com

This sounds just like my thrill seeking, rollercoaster riding, spicy bbq chip eating 6 yr old boy. Yes, he's the one who lost it on Small World... but eight rides on Star Tours without blinking. Even if he can't wait in line without the stroller with the hood forward.

Apr 28, 2011
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Great Poem
by: Anonymous

your poem made me very teary eyed. My son is 7 years old. He has a adhd and hypotonic diagnosis. I also believe he has SPD, but I am having a hard time trying to get a diagnosis. The OT here tested only a very small part and said that he showed no symptoms. I am going to demand that he be tested. Your stories give me the encouragement to do so.

Apr 04, 2011
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re the comment about $1000. no insurance coverage...
by: Anonymous

We were informed before we even got the paperwork to fill out for the specialist that if the insurance did not cover our appt that it would be $1300 for a 2 hour evaluation. it is absolutely dreadful that insurances are choosing not to cover children in need!!!

We were fortunate that our insurance does cover, but the only specialist in our area told us that it would be a 3-4 month wait for an appt, and they wouldn't even discuss scheduling until they received ALL paperwork back.
It is a struggle, but we have to do it to help our babies out!

Thanks for the beautiful poem!!!
Good luck to you and yours!

Oct 11, 2010
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help for children
by: Anonymous

Thank you for your poem, sincere and true. Because the medical profession the media do not inform the society about the difficulties of our children? suffering of their little lives. Their hardships are mistaken for rudeness and their parents for bad teachers. this is not acceptable.

Oct 10, 2010
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tears
by: Anonymous

As I read your poem all I could was bawl, what you have written is exactly the emotions I am having. My son has just been diagnosed with SPD at 3yrs old and trying to get a grasp on it all is so confusing. So thank you so much for putting your feelings in a poem for all of us.

Jun 08, 2010
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Thanks a lot...
by: Daniel Vetori

At times we wish to speak a lot but do not find words to express. thanks Melissa for speaking our heart out. I hope people understand the pain and consider the children suffering with SPD with respect.

Feb 23, 2010
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touching poem
by: Anonymous

I cried as I read your poem. It's everything I've been feeling for my son. He was 'FINALLY' diagnosed with SPD at age 6 after years of knowing something was "off". At age 8 I had to argue, demand and cry to get him into a neurologist. Our pediatrician of 7 yrs -I feel blew his symptoms off even when I pointed them out. Our new pediatrician is more receptive to him. If I could sit in the hallway of his school to watch over him I would. It shouldnt have taken this long for a dr to hear me, to "see" my sons symptoms.

Feb 11, 2010
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sadness and anger
by: Anonymous

beautiful your poem and real children with SPD. much sadness and anger at the indifference and ignorance of a society that leaves children in emotional pain and without support their parents.

Feb 11, 2010
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Wonderful
by: Anonymous

It is wonderful to see someone express what so many of us feel as parents of SPD kids. We want to protect them so badly from society's ignorant cruelty. Its especially tough when even family doesn't understand. It is heartbreaking at times, but we keep fighting!

Feb 10, 2010
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help for children with SPD
by: Anonymous

Melissa thanks for your exciting poetry. Spread out loud in the world that ignores the problems of children with SPD.

Feb 09, 2010
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Thanks
by: Anonymous

Thank you for the beautiful poem. My 6 year old was diagnosed at two. I think the social aspect bothers me the most. I hate watching him get picked on everyday!!!!!

Dec 11, 2008
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LOVED IT
by: Anonymous

Thank you

Dec 11, 2008
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Utilize your school
by: Anonymous

Through Child Find - your child can receive an evaluation and, if they qualify, therapy from your local school division. I suggest you call your school board office and ask who is in charge of child find (a federally mandated program)and ask them to set up a screening.

I do this for a living and we catch these guys as early as we can. These services are provided at no charge!

You are not alone. You are doing a great thing by reaching out to other parents :)

Oct 16, 2008
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thank you
by: Allison

Your poem also brought tears to my eyes. It is just like my son who is 3.5 and has SPD, recently diagnosed. He has been so misunderstood and all along I knew there was something more going on with him but at times it has felt like nobody believes me. I am also going to print out your poem and keep it on the fridge. Thank you.

Oct 15, 2008
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happy smile
by: Anonymous

Thanking you for this beautiful poem. I printed it off and am sticking up on the fridge to remind me every day of my beautiful 6 year old little boy who has this disorder. When things are bad this poem will help me along as I am finding all this very up- setting. So happy times ahead... please God now... thank you so much.

Anita

Feb 14, 2008
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Wow
by: Anonymous

Well, this brought tears to my eyes because this sounds just exactly like my son Kaden 3 years old.

He has sensory processing disorder.

Feb 09, 2008
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You're not alone
by: lisa

Please believe me when I say you're not alone. Even a trip to our local supermarket is a struggle. But they are our child... who cares what they think. We know when the act up it's not always their fault, they can't help it.

Being in England and having no one to talk to or even knowing another child like my lad is lonely. But, be strong... that kiss in the morning and that smile will keep you strong!

Dec 12, 2007
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Reading With Tears......
by: Tara

I stand here wiping tears from my eyes as I read this poem, I feel comforted that other parents experience these same emotions.

My 5 year old daughter is in the process of Pediatric Screening for what I think may be SPD.

I am a Nurse, and have been challenged with so many emotions with attempting to pin point what is wrong with my baby girl. Up until this year, I never realized that there was much of a problem, until the school system began to inform me on a daily basis of specific issues. I am in hopes that through the Pediatric Screening, some answers will be revealed.

This poem really touched home...... Thanks

Melissa

Nov 14, 2007
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I Love This One
by: Anonymous

OMG, I can't stop crying. This makes me think of my 4 year old son (Xanthan Lestat). I want to put it on Myspace, so people can understand what going on with him. I guess I'll write it all down cause it won't let me copy it. Thank you soooo much for writing this.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts. Also, I am surprised you can't copy it. If you highlight the whole thing, then right click and choose copy it should work. It does for me. If you post it, just make sure you give credit to the author and to this site, ok? It IS a great poem, isn't it?

Many thanks to Melissa, the author!

Nov 09, 2007
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Great Title... Love it
by: Jane A. Madrid

This is so neat... Great job, Melissa. Honestly-- It brought "Tears to MY eyes!" Keep up the great work.

I love you...
Jane

Nov 08, 2007
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I Can Empathize
by: Lyn

Your words hit home... and brought tears to my eyes.

Nov 07, 2007
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Take A Look At...
by: Krista

A terrific poem... everyone should read it whether they have SPD, a child with SPD, or none of the above.

I do remember one of the links that had been previously listed (not too long ago) had different codes for O.T.'s to use for insurance purposes since SPD is not yet covered by all.
-----------------------------------------------
Here is a list of Commonly Used Diagnostic Codes For SPD / SID Insurance Reimbursement - SPD Editor
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Take a look through some of the SPD sites. I really hope you are able to find a solution soon. It is very hard just starting treatment so late in life.

Be grateful you still have a "child" and not a 46 year old adult who had to live without treatment until now. May God wipe away your tears with successful door openings!

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Tears In My Eyes

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