Your not alone, a neurodivergent teen

by Shannon

So I'm Shannon,14,I'm going to 9th grade in August (2 months). Living with SPD has gotta be one of the most frustrating aspects of my life. It's really depressing and embarrassing when I see pages like this and I'm all like "Oh! Cool someone can relate to me!" It would help ... however, turns out they're talking about a TODDLER and/or younger child. It's SO DEVASTATING! I definetly don't have to be clinically diagnosed to know I have this it's SO EVIDENT!

Sadly, I didn't know what SPD was until I was 13. My family as well. So I've pretty much gone my WHOLE life feeling and being SO different and having no idea what the heck is wrong with me. I see the world a lot differently than most people. If you've ever seen and/or heard of the show "touch" I'm very much like him. Except unlike the main character, math drives me nuts. (Feel free to Google it) My family tries to understand the vast sensations I'm experiencing on a daily basis, however no one really seems to truly grasp it.

I have oversensitivity to pretty much everything. However Hearing, Touch, and smell are out of control. It's so hard to see people (especially at school), staring at me because I'm bothered by something they don't even realize is happening. They're are some sensory tendencies I have, that I try to keep hidden for the sake of my familiy's reaction. However, I've been doing this almost my whole life and I'm not sure how much longer I can keep this up. ...OMG I'm almost crying as I type this.

To all you guys, you just deserve a BIG HUG! *BIG HUG* Im not your typical insert material here outfit girl obviously. I can't sit still for too long and I chew on pencils eat paper. A LOT OF TIMES, I want to just spontaneously scream and cry to do my SPD. My family says they "deal" with my stuff too (I have anxiety and depression,

mostly anxiety), however what they don't realize is that ..... everyone "DEALS" with anxiety, but some people LIVE with it. LIVING with anxiety and DEALING with anxiety are two very different things. As well as just fear.

I don't make friends easily. I'm terrified about fitting in in high school. I LEGITIMATELY want someone to just give me a big hug in public when I'm freaking out. Seeing a 2-7 year old in the store panicking because they don't want to put their shoe on is I guess normal. However seeing and/or hearing a 14 year old bawl her eyes out cause of (a) clothing tag(s), isnt something you see every day. Whenever I begin to fail something, my parents bring up my good grades from EARLY ELEMENTARY SCHOOL! IT'S SO IRRATATING!!!!! Im always realizing details other people don't notice. As well as I have this gift or something where I think and/or say something and it comes true next minute.

For ex: I was at the store with my friends. However, one of the friends I invited, couldn't come. I'll call her bunny. So I thought "It'd be cool if bunny's real name was here 😊😧" *10 seconds later at the front of the store* Me: "BUNNY!!" Sorry I got off topic there for a sec. My family KNOWS my sensitivities and they purposely do stuff to bother me. I think i have something called Maladaptive Daydreaming. I fantasize ALL THE TIME about these characters I made up. Tawa (Tawashima), Soku, Yama (Yamagoshi) etc. I watch a lot of some and the majority of these characters are based off of actual anime characters I fell in love with. (Metaphorically)

Anyway I think that's all sorry it was so long. It's been very emotional for me typing this. I LOVE YOU ALL, AND ALL OF YOU DESERVE A BIG HUG!!! MY HEART GOES OUT TO YOU ALL!!! I HOPE YOU GUYS MAKE EXTRODINARY FRIENDS!!! Feel VERY free to email me *BIG HUG* 😊😊😃😃😢😢😢😢💔💔💔💔 -An SPD teen girl

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