Alisa

by Alisa
(South Australia)

I have 4 children 1 has been diagnosed with Aspergers Syndrome(my oldest boy 13y), and one has been diagnosed with Sensory disorder(my youngest boy 4y). I do believe my daughters (12y, 9y) have a sensory disorder as well. I have always had many issues that I could now relate to possibility of it being connected to a sensory disorder.

The thing I find the hardest is to explain my kids to therapists, they all seem to assume that I must have not been the parents my kids needs in order to become well adjusted children. I love my kids and I have always been trying to over come the problems they have. I strongly believe that had I know about sensory disorders when my now 9y was a baby I would have a completely different child. In stead I listen to people and Dr's telling to to just put my foot down and make my kids listen and do what was expected. Since finding out my oldest has Asperger Syndrome I also found out about sensory problems in children and realized that my youngest now 4y properly had a sensory disorder and I got help for him, I was also lucky to be close to a parents group that was very knowledgeable about sensory disorders and how to help children with them. I learned alot from the internet and the group. I only wish I had know what I know now.I probably could made my 9y as well adjusted as my now 4 years old. Now my 9y is showing signs of developing Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. After talking with my sons OT I found out that chidren can develop OCD or general anxiety problems if they go untreated for sensory disorders. I believe this is what happened to me and is now happening to my daughter's.

I just can seem to find a therapist that is willing to see there is more to my children than "bad parenting" or simple out of control copy cat behaviours. My kids did not witness violence EVA in the home, maybe argument or fight in public one or twice. We dont smoke or drink or do drugs or hang out with people who do theses things in excess. I feel like I getting sick of trying prove to people that I'm a law abiding great mum. I talked lots to my children as babies, they all thrived and were never over weight. They all rolled before 4mth, crawled before 7mth, and walked before 12mth. They all talked clearly or at least tried to talk clearly(my now 12y girl). I never yelled or told my babies off like I see a lot of parents do when the baby wont settle. I always used a gentle tune with kids when they were babies. I know I was only 18y when I had my first child but even the hospital staff said I was confidant with my first child.

I dont know what to do to make people see past the stereotypes and judgments that people seem to assume. I was a young mum whose childs father stuck with us and we have been together for 15 years now and I really feel people assume that than mean I must have been to young to be a good mother. I also feel than people assume my partner does not support me emotionally in the home with our 4 kids, the first few years were tough but he grew up faster than all his mates who had kids. I have friends that have done or have a have a partner that does drug and they dont hide it from there kids yet there kids are not aggressive ect when you try to brush there hair or bath them or just cuddle them ect. Its hurts enough that I cant cuddle my 9y with out wondering will she hurt me again this time, let alone with out being told that I must have not connected with her when she was an infant. I love my kids enough to keep talking to people in hopes of finding a therapist that is willing to listen and BELIEVE what I tell them.

I was assaulted during a home invasion 2 and half years ago, nothing serious really I knew the person that did it. Since then the therapists I have started seeing recently seem to be assuming that my depression has harmed my kids. My recent depression has been my deepest depression yet my kids are closer to me and calmer more often now than before the assault/invasion. It like my 9y has decided she has to protect me she wont stop checking on me some days she in and out of what ever room I am in faster than a pendulum can swing. If you ask her to stop constantly coming in a out with out a reason she will become so angry and start attacking her sister for simple disputes. On a good day she calmly love sitting with me and we can do craft and other things together. If I did not bond properly with her than why she protective over me and loves to spend time with me. Even if she angry shes still trying to protect me form threats that are really unlikely to happen.

She started threatening to stab people at about age 3 after my nana died, the one person she did let her self be nice to and around. Shes rarely let any one see her doing nice things before my nana died let alone after she died. I thought she would not understand the what had happened, but I now think she was smarter than the average 3 year, I worry that she thinks something bad about her self because nana died she had just spent 3 whole weeks on holidays with my nana and my mum not seeing me once and when they got back that very night we got the bad news and was after talking to her on phone.I remember that night like it was yesterday.

Recently my great grandmother died and my now 9 year old's fear of gearm became unbearable. she has started having full blown panic attacks, she hyperventilates when asked to put the dish washer on.

As a baby she refuse to suck the bottle until you layed her beside you and not cuddled her on your lap. (my now 4y boy would put his hands above his head if he came in contact with his bottle and then refuse to suck till for up to 30 mins. He could be feeding for hours and basically be his next feed time when he finally finished his feed. I learned to make sure his hand stayed away from his bottle so he did not refuse to feed. I then started playing the game with his hands when it was not feed time. In the beginning his hand were clamped shut by the time he was 6 mths old I had him over his issues with the bottle enough to start encouraging him to hold it hims self. He would not let his hand touch anything that was not the same texture as the floor at home. His hands would go above his head if there was a possible surface he did not like, eg grass, tiles, sand ect. Then he would scream till you picked him up and moved him to some where he liked. If he fell over he had the opposite reaction up over his head not out in from to him to catch him self.

To get my now 9y girl to sleep you had to lay her on her tummy and pat her but firmly. My now 4y boy had to be wrapped very tightly with knot in the blanket near his toes.

My now 9y girl refused to eat any thing but toast or bread, if you gave her any thing els you would be faced with a very aggressive child, biting, screaming, pinching and more. My now 4y boy would just eat the green vegetables.

My now 9y girl would scream, bite, pinch, ect when ever you bathed her. My now 4y boy would just scream and have a startle response as if he felt like he was falling or slipping or the water was too hot or cold a flannel on his tummy just made his scream louder and other things I tried did not help he was the first child I showered with he seemed to love the shower but not the bath or maybe he loved being close to me cause he did hate running under sprinklers(but that cold water). He still prefers showers over baths most days specially in the mornings. Hes more likely to have a bath at night.

I could write a book with all the quirks my kids have, but all I want is help to get my 9 year to express her self the way her 4y old brother can about things that make he angry. I cant help her if I don't know whats wrong. Shes slowly learning to express the things that make angry. I don't blame her really I find it hard to express the strange feelings and thoughts I get or had when I was her age. She her mums daughter alright its like she my clone shes not displaying my OCD traits that I have today she repeating history although my mum has told me that my daughter is worse than I was at her age. Phycologist has said because of this its highly probable the problem is a genetic disposition as well as environment. Which I agree with but I will say that if the Dr took me serious when she was 1y or 3y I believe a child phycologist would have been able to see she need help just by putting her a room with people trying to interact with her and they would see what I was talking about. She would attack strangers that just said hello to her. I had to ask people to ignore her because when she got angry the more you talked the longer the aggressive behavior lasted even after the interaction at ceased.