Question on how to deal with 2 children with difficult behaviour

by Carol
(Winnipeg, MB, Canada)

My 10 yr old is on the autism spectrum with Tourette's, ADHD, Anxiety and OCD. My 5 yr old is currently being assessed but my feeling is he has Aspergers and ODD. Because they are both high-functioning some family members (and school workers!) feel that its just a discipline problem. Consistency, rules and love has made my 10 yr old, now, much better to deal with. The other one is a work in progress.

My problem is how to discipline them when they fight ALL of the time. The 10 yr old hates a lot of certain noises and the 5 yr old is typically loud and sometimes makes these noises on purpose to bug his brother (attention-seeking I think). I don't condone any violence whatsoever and always take issue with them when they speak negatively about the other. But they continue to practice both of these anyway. It's gotten to the point where they yell that they hate each other, which kills me inside as I always wanted them to be the best of friends, although I don't try to force it.

We've been in Play Therapy and family therapy for just specifically these problems (the OT, SLP, psychologist, occupational therapy and behavioural therapy are all separate from these dr. visits) and the best these professionals could come up with is to 'keep them doing separate activities in separate areas of the house as much as possible'. I am a divorced mother with the majority of custody and work part-time while I manage my own business. I have about 2-3 hours a day, M - F to spend with them and get housework, meals, bathtime done.

I really really need some suggestions... anyone?

Mom-NOS