VERY Angry 9 year old......since BIRTH

by Alisa Cooney
(South Australia)

I have 4 kids but my 9 year has the worst behaviour issues that I yet to find an answer to to.


1mth old - She sleep all day but cried most of the day unless I carried her in a harness/sling.

3mths old - she would not let me hold her while she fed from the bottle she would have to beside me or in cot while I held the bottle. She would arch away and scream till I found spot she felt comfortable to feed.

6mths old - she became more violent scratching, pushing, biting, during feeding, bathing, dressing, trying to get her to sleep.

1 year old - the anger kept getting worst in more situation and started screaming at strangers that interacted with her. When first approached she went shy and when the the stranger said how cute she would scream at them.

2 years old - She started screaming that I was killing her and breaking her arms and legs when I tried to put her in the stroller and or restrain her from attacking her older brother and sister She could pin her 5 year old sister down with ease in her fit of anger.

3 years old - my nana died and after that she started threatening to kill people. I had to start putting her a stroller to restrain her in her fits of anger she was getting to strong and taking to much time away from my other children. I also thought it would be the best way to show her good interaction with the other kids with out having to hold her. She would just scream more and louder when ever she heard me praising the other kids or laughing with the other kids.

4 years old - started playing a game about getting rid of the anger inside her. We would pick her up or walk her some where and ask her flush her anger down the toilet or put it in the bin and it worked to some degree. We also started giving her bear hug and said we were squishing the anger out. We also tried tickling the anger out of her but as soon as you got the goon behaviour and began to praise her for the good behaviour she would get angry again.

5 years old - We starting to getting hugs with out aggression but they had to very firm hugs. We had a new idea and tried sitting at the table and talking about all the good things we loved about her behaviour. In the beginning she would scream at us and threaten to kill us and attack us and we would remove her to a safe distance not say anything to her and then go back to the table and talk about her great behaviour again using positive words and making sure we did not say anything about her anger. with in 6mth we were seeing major changes in her wanting to do good behaviour and hugging us that was a wonderful change. I had to sit her in the bath room or a some where with limit space and sit in the door way for hours with out talking to her till she calmed down.

6 years ago - she started threatening to kill her self when she got angry. she was not getting angry as often but the aggression was getting worse as if she was holding it in and holding in to she could not hold it anymore. She put her bare foot threw a glass window. Her anger was so bad toward me I felt she had to learn that she could no longer hurt me at all I started removing my self from her reach by putting my self in a room she would sit out side the door and and scream I refused to come out till she was calm. It did not take her long to start attracting to other kids so I had to make sure the kids came in to the room with me.

7 years old - Her anger was getting so bad that we had to remove our self from the entire house Putting her in her room was not an option for one I did not want her to become scared of her room and 2 the times I did try it but she would throw everything and try to break things and window's. With her threats to kill her self I was worried about her breaking a window and hurting her self. We would sit on the door step where she could see us threw the glass windows beside the front door but we had fun on the door step and ignored her behaviour. By siting on the door step I was guarding the door so she could not run away, which she had started to attempting to do. She was finally seeing a phycologist and he knew what I was doing in attempt to stop the negative reaction like hitting, scratching, ect.

8 years old - she started seeing a psychiatrist who put her on an anti-Depressant medication and we finally started a calmer child and her beautiful smile more and more over time. The problem was the psychologist did not see to be having a impact on her and the psychiatrist seem to only want to give her med's.

9 years old - She is finally starting to open up and talk about what makes her angry. Now that she's calmer I and starting to open up I want her to get back in to talk therapy with a child phycologist and she finally seeing one in week I cant wait. She rarely tries to run away we had to put a deadlock on the front door. That seem to have calmed her down as if that's what she wanted all along which. I have only had to use it a few time bye the 3rd time I said to her if you want to door dead lock you just have to ask and that's what she did the next time she asked me to dead lock the front door. She has a germ phobia to the point of hyperventilating when asked to do the dishwasher. She recently told me that she has a constant repetitive thoughts about stabbing people. She scared of all knifes not just sharp one.

I WISH I did not have keep trying to prove I have caused ALL of my daughter behaviours. I know I'm not perfect I have tried to get her help from as young as 1 year old

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Help
by: Anonymous

Please have her evaluated at a local hospital. She has a mental illness and needs to be diagnosed before she hurts someone or herself. This condition will manifest into more violent acts. I can't believe this has been going on untreated for so long. If you love her, you will get her elephant. She must feel so tormented.

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Please....
by: Anonymous

Please have them check her for OCD, I am telling you some of the symptoms she displays are IT! They do repetitive behaviors to get the compulsive thoughts (stabbing people, hating people, harming yourself, others, etc....) out of their minds, but it just does not quite work. This is a torturous thought process. Please ask about this...Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD). It can be brought on if your child had Strep infections as a child that were multiple or that were not treated (maybe you didn't know she had Strep..)It can also just be the way they are made. Best of luck to you....sounds like you have really been to he#% and back with this...you deserve some peace and so does your daughter!

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So Sorry
by: Anonymous

Hi,
I'm sorry to hear you're going through this. My daughter has extreme anger issues, to the point where she frequently says that when she gets older she likes the thought of killing people.

I worry about her everyday, so you're not the only one!

Thank-you, you have given me insight.

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Have you found a diagnosis?
by: Anonymous

It sounds to me like your daughter has OCD. Maybe there is more to it than that, but you have described some classic symptoms of it. The germ phobia and the repetitive thoughts are both very prevalent in OCD.

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Might want to consider...
by: Anonymous

A minister or priest. Sounds crazy but sometimes bad spirits torment us and are passed to our children.

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therapy
by: Alisa

Play therapy would have been great when she was younger but I'm not sure if it would her so much now thats getting to an age where she's starting grow out of many types of play activities. Her new child phycologist believes in play therapy, and also believe in regression therapy. They take to child back to younger behaviours and reteach the child more positive behaviours. When they assess my 4y they did the play therapy and it was such a great atmosphere for him and thats why told the phycologist about my daughter and asked if he would take her on and said yes. So I feel positive that I finally have the right help for her now. We have our first session tomorrow but it for me to talk the phycologist about my daughter then the next session she see's the phycologist.

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hoping still
by: Ericka

Oh, I think I understand better now, are you in a country with government health care programs? I am in the states, here our insurance covers 20 visits with a $40 copay, it really isn't enough form y son even though those are one hour sessions. It does sound like you need more than you are getting. You mentioned talk therapy-this really didn't help my son, I think he needs play therapy, do you have anyone near you who does play therapy? I ask because my son gets more upset when he has to talk, at a certain point words are very upsetting, it helps him if you can just let him get it out....but I do think you are working really hard to help her! Just keep doing it!!!

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Very angry
by: Dee

Hello there..

I am in the same boat as you. My daughter is 7 years old and she suffers from Dyspraxia. But her behaviors is just the same as your daughter. I am still waiting her to have her assessments for her behaviors problem since she was 3 years old. She is attending OT for her Dyspraxia. They are now thinking of getting her assessed by Autism Spectrum Disorder Team and ADHD. I am hoping to get my daughter assessed very soon. She nearly broke my 2 years old son's nose..She punch his nose so hard and he got bruised on his nose. I am glad things worked out for you and your daughter.

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Still trying???
by: Alisa

I have asked for assessment on my daughter since she was 1 year old. I kept getting told I just needed to be a better parent. I tried being firm with out making or yelling or loosing my temper. I Ignored negative behaviours and praised positive behaviour but she would have a bigger tantrum when you praised her. I would put her in her pram to let her calm down and when she was calm I would ask "are you calm now and ready to play nice" and she would started screaming and trying to attack people and scream I hate ....... adding everyones name to the sentence. This could go on all day some days, it was almost like she wanted to be in the pram but did not want to say that's what she wanted.

There are no OT's close to me or anywhere that I know about that deal with children older than 5y. I finally rang a child mental health place when she was 6y and I said help me my child is threatening to kill her self now. They said "she was an attention seeker and to just ignore her. I had a panic attack and had to hang up because she made me feel like I was a lazy parent who gave in to her childs demands and let her walk all over me. I finally realized I had to go private and went to my Dr and said" I want a referral to see a phycologist NOW."

Finally after several session with a phycologist he wrote a letter to my Dr saying my child needed to keep seeing him and to put her on a care plan, government would pay for my daughter to see the phycologist for 12, 20 mins session. I finally felt like I was making progress.

She's now 9 years old and she now see's a psychiatrist who put her on anti depressants and anti-psychotic med which has reduced her aggression dramatically. But hes not giving my kids talk therapy we turn up he check there meds are working effectively and says good bye and that's not want I wanted to happen. I finally found a child phycologist that does not blame me for my kids behaviours and is willing to help them and ME with my kids. I'm crossing everything that this is finally going be the help my daughter needs.

He believes all my children are basically highly strung, their brains are working over time and in a highly anxious state all the time. This has been the way I described my kids alot so I feel like I've found the right person to help my kids. He's already help my 4y and diagnosed him with mild anxiety. I was told to get my 4y assessed by this phycologist by his kindy cause he began to hate kindy when winter started and he could no longer be out side as often. He has always preferred to be out side or where the least amount of people/noise is depending on how he's feeling at the time.

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hope she's getting better
by: Ericka

Hi,
I hope your daughter has some type of diagnosis? Does she get occupational therapy? I really hope she is making progress!

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