A Terrifying Experience

by Ronald Mitchell

The way that everyone experiences, who has, SPD, is different on some level. For me, well... I haven't quite figured out just why it happens.

When it's too loud, or too quiet, or I'm too relaxed, or too tired, or even if I'm being active. There are times I feel that too much is going on, or too little in some instances. What I experience is a little thing I like to call "Tracers". Hate the things but... They seem rather permanent and aggressive.

Whenever I experience this, at any time, the best way I can describe the feeling is repetition (of Sight, Sound and Feeling). Like, for example, take a computer and turn on the Mouse Trails option for your Mouse. Every movement is repeated, therefore I become sensitive and suddenly I don't like life as much anymore and I just. Want. To. Get. Out.

If it starts off too bad, I begin to panic, and even still I have to actively keep telling myself that "I'm in control," that "Everything will be alright". But that's not how it feels. Because when these happen, I have exactly no memory of any current events or anything. It's like somebody formatted my hard drive -- that my memories are gone and will never come back. And it seems like it lasts hours when, in reality, sometimes only lasts anywhere from 45 seconds to 2 hours.

Please, somebody help me. This is really distracting and getting progressively harder to deal with...

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