Aggressive/compulsive behaviour

by paulette etcheberry
(deerfield beach, fl)

I am puzzled, is it me only or do you feel sometimes that you are raising a wild animal??? let me explain, Bran is five and besides having Auditory Processing he also is a Sensory seeker but there are moments when if its not his way My dear Lord! he will go crazy smashing things and throwing stuff like the WII command to the floor. Its really scary and out of control I do not condone that type of behavior and even have gone to a therapist who was a total nut case. I have read Raising Your Spirited Child, take his toys away, put him in Time Out but he doesn't really get it. I will like to find a way to communicate with him so we can a normal life in harmony.He is smart and I do understand manipulation but seriously there must be a way of taking control without a fit every time



thanks '



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Jul 14, 2014
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starstarstarstarstar 		It's All Good!
by: Kyle S.

Quoted from a comment below:

"The therapist suggested sitting Indian style in the floor, sit him in my lap, cross your arms around him like giving a bear hug (tight enough so he can't get away but loose enough you don't hurt him) Talk calmly to him the whole time saying "You are in time out for... When you calm down we will count to 10 and mommy will let you get up" This started off taking 1/2 hr but eventually he realized he didn't want me to hold him down and if he stopped screaming I would let him go. I had to count with my fingers so he could physically see me count."

My parents did this with my when I was less than 5. It terrified them, and it terrified me, but it had results. I remember struggling with everyone ounce of strength I had until I couldn't move. It would take up to 30 minutes some times. It didn't matter if we were at the grocery store, in line for a movie, at church, etc.

Be positive. Look at the long run. Your kid will find the path that is right for them.

Living as an Aspie and working with my ADHD is a journey taken one day at a time. Every day I wake up I have to reinvent the wheel and find myself.

It will never be easy for you. It will never be easy for your child. It will never be easy for me.

I will continue to spread as much happiness and joy in this world as I can. I am special.

I am a Warrior Of Light.

Check out Paulo Coelho. My favorite author. He taught me how to love myself.
Sep 25, 2013
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starstarstarstarstar 		Autism & Sensory Disorder With ADD & Compulsive Agressive Disorder
by: Anonymous

My son is 6 and out of control! We have tryed Spanking He do's not understand why we spank him we explain it's because you did something you weren't suppose to! He still do's not understand! We tryed time out and like some of the other parents found that he acts out more and will not stay .We tryed the hold he starts screaming kicking thrashing and even cursing! With Autism they do not like being held tight! The compulsive agressive side causes him to be playing peacefully and sundenly throw a toy across the room or at someone! Can really punnish him for it cause he do;s not realize he has even done this act! We take him to a behavoir Dr. who is the one that diagnosed all of this whith in three months time! She has been trying diffrent medicines and so far nothing has really worked!The only time he is some what good is when he is out in the open where he has alot of space & ride on toys to play with! As far as the sensory part he do's not feel anything except the needle like pricky feeling you get when a limb as fallen asleep and is just waking up! He burnt his left hand on a wood burning heater when he trip over his own feet! Now he knows hot because he pitched a fit when he seen his hand blistering! He knew that was not how his hand was suppose to look like! But as far as knowing soft ;hard ;rough;smooth . He do's not get it! I do know he do's not like any other type of blanket on his skin but the ultra soft fleece blankets they are the only ones that don;t bother his senses!
Feb 09, 2013
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starstarstarstarstar 		From 4 to 35
by: Anonymous

I have just arrived on this site and seen the comments...and wow is all I can say to the brave parents out there.
Not knowing any of this "stuff" 35 years ago believe it or not I am still sitting in front of the problem and living with it but my son is 35yrs with no diagnosis in sight and much hand wringing to put it mildly on my side.
Thank you for your comments, perhaps here I will get a different perspective that may point the way to some solution.
Feb 23, 2011
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starstarstarstarstar 		Same situation
by: Nikki

We have the same problem with our son, who is 4. He explodes when spanked or grabbed to be put in time out and then spends his "time in time out" throwing anything/everything around. His room has no toys and we have a reward system to earn them back one at a time. Although, honestly that hasn't really worked well either. Talking calmly and quietly to him just makes him yell louder. Telling him that you will talk to him when he can talk in the volume of voice you use also doesn't work. His teachers have been trying occupational therapy and proprioceptive strategies, yet they are at a lost on how to help him. His doctor told me to research sensory processing disorder and see if we can help him there, I am not 100% sure yet but I am hoping to find answers that will actually help him. I am not sure if others are like this, but when he is good - he is REALLY good, but when it's bad - it's REALLY REALLY bad. There is no in between. I am just thankful there seems to be others out there.
Feb 10, 2011
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starstarstarstarstar 		response.
by: MELISSA

I have found in my experience spanking only increased the aggressiveness of my kiddo. I don't use it anymore. It did not help me.

I think a lot of it is they are not able to communicate through their anger and so they use actions instead which cna be very destructive. Is your child in OT?

It's tough and five was a bad year for my son, six is better, but still we have some issues.
Feb 07, 2011
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starstarstarstarstar 		reply to aggresive/ compulsive
by: Anonymous

I was told my 3 almost 4 yr old, didn't understand cause and effect. My son has SPD, developmental delay, speech delay, orally delayed and behavior delay, plus being tested for more things. He has a very high tolerance for pain (ex: hit himself in the head with a hammer and when he saw the blood he thought it was hilarious) but when he falls he thinks he broke 15 bones in his body.

I say all of this b/c it leads to my point. He will put his hand on the burner until I yell "HOT, HOT" and scare the crap out of him. With hand bright red he will put it right back up to the burner and say "hot?" He doesn't understand TIME-OUT and was more of a battle than the reason he was even in time-out. The therapist suggested sitting Indian style in the floor, sit him in my lap, cross your arms around him like giving a bear hug (tight enough so he can't get away but loose enough you don't hurt him) Talk calmly to him the whole time saying "You are in time out for... When you calm down we will count to 10 and mommy will let you get up" This started off taking 1/2 hr but eventually he realized he didn't want me to hold him down and if he stopped screaming I would let him go. I had to count with my fingers so he could physically see me count.
Of course he got stronger and bigger and after busted lips and bloody noses have resorted to wrapping a blanket snuggly around him or laying in my bed and wrap my arms around his belly with his hands (warning, alot of bruises from head butts and kicking- but no bloody nose!)

As far as acting out in public, if it's a grocery store I have found fruit snacks or something to keep them occupied. I have to keep my son in the cart as he has ran off numerous times including out of the store and no one stopping him (which is another story that irks me to no end) If I let my son eat fruit snacks and hold some of the groceries that he likes (hot dogs or milk) I can get through most of the grocery trip w/o the tantrums. Regardless- if the checkout line is long, any child will act out.

I really haven't found any techniques for other public places. I have basically found myself not going to many public places or go at a time when most people wouldn't. Ex McDonalds play place for lunch- go at 11 or 1 before or after the rush. The less people, the quicker your service the less likely to have a tantrum.

Good luck to you and your child!
Jan 21, 2011
Rating
starstarstarstarstar 		First BREATH
by: Gila Mom

Instead of "taking away" things like (I'm assuming the WII) or TV or Legos or whatever your son is "into" at the moment; reverse it. Taking away is a negative. Like starting at 10 and each offense he drops down. But for some kids (my oldest) I read somewhere (Spirited child, Explosive Child Strong Willed etc) to think positive. Each day he starts out at 0. His behavior can earn privileges. Times it sucks bc all you want is a few moments of peace but your kiddo is bored and following you around... For me, spanking he laughed then I got mad! Time outs he would never sit (no matter what Super Nanny says), putting him in his room resulted in a broken Door (yes the door stayed off), ripped up curtains... I leaned how to do "a basket hold" for "time outs" when he needed to calm down and be away from situation. Other times when he got out of control he needed love. Firm hugs and reassurance. You will be able to figure out which after a while. And another response I believe to be spot on -- your emotional level. And minimal interaction. I liked "1 2 3 Magic" had to adapt parts but easy and fun read! Good luck. And remember it's ok to say you are putting yourself in time out when you get too flustered!
Jan 19, 2011
Rating
starstarstarstarstar 		behavior journal
by: Anonymous

I have a 4 year old son that has SPD and has extreme meltdowns at home and in public. As his classroom teacher shared with me, we have to look at the antecedent or what happened before the meltdown. Sometimes you can pinpoint what type of sensory input your child is seeking that lead to the meltdown or tantrum. Also, keeping a behavior journal can assist you in figuring out what triggers upset your child and may help you to remain calm, redirect your child's behavior, and keep the peace. The journal also will help you recognize any patterns that are present. These are suggestions that have assisted my husband and I. I do understand that young children can manipulate situations, but sometimes they need reassurance that they are loved and all of their emotional needs are met! I hope this helps you in your journey!
Jan 19, 2011
Rating
starstarstarstarstar 		Aggresion and ways to handle it
by: paulette etcheberry

I hear you sister I'm still looking for the answers but believe me, Spanking doesn't work.However taking thinks away from him does it at least for a while. That all I can come up with because he is very sensitive and gets scared if we are not around so I put him in time outs when I can see him so he doesn't go crazy. Maybe we will get more feedback I am curious about different approaches to discipline and really will listen to them with relief.
Jan 15, 2011
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starstarstarstarstar 		Not sure I can help, but....
by: Colleen Devlin

I just read a book called "The Explosive Child." My favorite discussion in the book is that we keep operating under the assumption that bad behavior is willfulness. The truth is that the child is as frustrated as us and is trying very hard to please us...the author says, "if the child could do better, he would." So, basically he says our jobs as parents are to figure out how to minimize/solve their frustration to prevent meltdowns. It was very freeing to think in this light versus thinking it stemmed from our parenting that has gone astray.

My son is 4 and the techniques are really for age 6 and above, but I am trying to apply them every chance I get.

Hope this helps
Jan 15, 2011
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starstarstarstarstar 		Aggresion and ways to handle it
by: Anonymous

what can I say my intuition says be firm but loving and do not let him/her manipulate the situation. So far my way of getting respect has been you don't listen take his favorite stuff away. Yes meltdowns, tears and craziness comes after but if you try not to show emotions and just do what you said your going to do, simply remove the toy and go to your room. I need I need is the favorite word but believe me this is not ADD we have been with therapist and they said no. So be firm and calm it is easier to preach it than doing it, because I myself have very little patience and have hit him in the past. Results I feel horrible and he gets away with his puppy face...
GOD LUCK Sister
Jan 14, 2011
Rating
starstarstarstarstar 		In same boat
by: Anonymous

I also have been looking for an answer to that. My son is also a sensory seeker and I hate when he slams thinks and screams loudly whenever he needs reprimand. spanking never was an option because he became very violent even as a toddler. He is always remorseful and wanting to be held after he calms down. ???? How can you reprimand behavior without lighting that fuse in these sensory seeking kids ?

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