Autistic son

by jasmine

hi my son is 4 nearly 5 and is asd, wondering if anyone can help, he has been super hard since the min i fell pregnant, but he still throws major tantrums, drives me insane with doing this thing where he wants it but doesn't.

an example is last night i asked him to clean up before bed, he refused so he went to bed then was screaming that he wanted to clean up so i said go clean up be he screams he doesn't want to, this continues for awhile he wants to but doesn't. he does this with other situations like waking through night to do a wee and screaming so i take him to toilet but he screams he doesn't want to but then does but doesnt.

he also wakes every night screaming and carrying on, its not nightmares he has been doing it since a baby, every now and then he will sleep through so i know he can do it but then he starts this waking and again will want me to lay with him but doesnt, he wont just settle, some times it last 5 min other times 20 min or more.

he also stutters bad.

some times i feel like the worst mother and loose my temper with him, i feel guilty that i just wish he was like any other kid and i know i shouldn't feel that way i love him more than anything i cant stand to think of him not being in my life but i am exhausted

i want to have another baby but i feel like i never will every year i hope its better with him but it never is and if i keep waiting i will never get to have another one but how will i cope if i do

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Jan 24, 2017
Advice from autistic girl
by: Anonymous

Nightmares and screaming tend to be a sign that your son is experiencing severe anxiety. It may be worth talking to a doctor about whether he has an anxiety disorder, and whether therapy and/or medication would be right for him.

(Don't feel bad if you end up trying medication. It took a while to find the right anti-anxiety med for me, but I'm really glad I have it, because my quality of life is better.)

Keep in mind that these nightmares and screaming episodes aren't done on purpose: he is acting this way because he truly can't cope with all the overwhelming, scary emotions inside of him. Do you remember being scared as a child? Do your best to respond with empathy and compassion. He doesn't want to upset you. He loves you. He may feel guilty about the stress he is causing you.

Your own stress actually gives you an excellent opportunity to be a role model. If he is upset and you are too, verbalize what you need to do to calm yourself. "I'm feeling stressed and worried, so I'm going to close my eyes and take a few deep breaths." Model self-calming behavior, and help him find calming techniques that work for him. (Rocking back and forth? Holding a favorite piece of string? Finger-flicking? Counting?)

One exercise I do for self-calming is this:
5 things you can see
4 things you can hear
3 things you can touch
2 things you can smell (or that you like to smell)
1 good thing about yourself
If he needs a distraction (e.g. after a nightmare), you can prompt him to do this. If he doesn't have enough patience, ask him to name one of each thing. Explain that this is a calming exercise, and try counting it off on his or your fingers.

Also, this article gets to the heart of why some autistic children get over-stressed, sometimes to the point of aggression:

Finally, I encourage you to post anonymously to the hashtag #AskAnAutistic. There are tons of autistic people like me, and I bet a lot of them used to (or still do) have the same problem. Many autistics are happy to offer advice to parents who need help.

Mar 28, 2012
by: marjory glasgow scotland

My 8 yr old son is similar ,the problem is he cant make a decision, so i make them for him. No choices just told straight. This sounds very harsh, but over the couple of years i been doing this he is taking{ a little at a time} control back. Decisions are so very difficult for them, if they do one thing then they should have done the other and vise versa. Hope you get that.

He has told me that sometimes he just cant make his mind up. He likes times,instruction on what will be expected of him, where we are going, how we will get their, etc. He says he prefers this as the unknown is terrifying. Good luck

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