Could my husband have this disorder? Help!

by concernedwife

When reading the symptoms, it seems like my husband may have some of them. My husband has a hard time bonding with people and showing emotion and establishing and keeping relationships.

Sometimes, he struggles to simply be nice to people, yet when I confront him it seems like he is truly confused and doesn't understand "why it was so bad" or else gets annoyed and feels like he was entitled to act that way.

He has never really had many friends and he told me recently "I can't really handle being around people for too long of a time." I don't know a whole lot about his childhood but I know he was very sensitive and shy and has always been very intelligent. He has a genius level IQ and is receiving a PhD.

He has difficulty with "sensory overload" he calls it and gets very frustrated by consistent loud noise or background noise, but loud sudden noises don't bother him.

For instance, he can't get to sleep if I have the tv going in the other room and he can hear it, but if the cats are destroying the mattress at 2 am and it sounds like a freight train to me, he doesn't notice. He can get extremely annoyed and downright hostile when forced to be around something that "overloads" his sense.

He can play repetitive video games for hours and can be fascinated with extremely complicated math problems, yet bores with other people in seconds or minutes.

He has moved a million times and

didn't stay in relationships with women very long and seems to jump ship a lot in jobs. He has trouble with understanding other people and his brain seems to be like on a different wavelength than the people he is around.

He bores ridiculously easily, like a child, and has borderline tantrums if he doesn't get his way. When questioning him about his behavior he doesn't like to answer and will spend the entire discussion staring and not answering. If he does have anything to say it's usually defensive rather than apologetic.

He also has severe mood swings, going from downright hyper to mean/rude to sullen and depressed all in a matter of minutes. We have all felt that maybe he is just prone to being a self-centered meanie, but sometimes he seems to be otherwise.

He is extremely overprotective of me, especially when it comes to medical things and gets distraught if I am mad or hurt with him when I tell him he hurts me or something he seems upset by it and declares he doesn't mean to but then will turn around and do the same thing over again and seems to go from caring to blank emotionally. He does not seem to "enjoy" being mean but simply goes blank or does not seem to grasp or understand that he is being so. This blankness bothers me!

Could he have this, or a similar condition? The inability to properly bond and his blank attitude combined with the sensory sensitivity are the main things that stand out.

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Nov 08, 2016
high functioning
by: Anonymous

Sounds like high functioning autism to me. Universitys are full of post graduates with these kind of issues. My husband is similar.

Nov 04, 2016
Husbands disorder
by: Anonymous

Avoidant dismissive personality disorder probably combined with other issues or personality traits.

Get good therapy with him to understand.

Aug 09, 2012
My Husband has SPD
by: Anonymous

When I started dating my husband him and his parents told me how he was diagnosed with SPD when he was a kid. He had bad spatial issues and walked on his toes. His teachers said that he was a problem child. But his mom thought he just needed understanding so she started homeschooling him. He is very smart, and seems to be a genius at music. Its almost supernatural when he plays. He has written about 600 songs and even though I am a great musician he blows my mind. I think that is the gifted part of SPD. He is also very good at math.

After 7 weeks of marriage he wanted a divorce and kicked me out of the house.

It was SO out of the blue since we spent every second together during our dating, engagement and marriage and we never let fights go on more than a few hours. We always made up quickly. His reasons for divorce dont even make sense.

I started studying SPD and realize it is still affecting him. I thought he had been "cured" of it as a child. But it still affects him severely. I was also shocked to find that I have almost all the symptoms too! Him and I just have some of the opposite symptoms. But some of the same too.

Does ANYONE else know what to do in this situation? Is anyone else SPD and married to an SPD? Who would have thought!

Jan 06, 2010
Sounds like me!
by: Ballerina Rox

Wow he sounds a lot like me!! I have just been to see an occupational therapist who mentioned this disorder to me. And after some research I have had many a 'aha!' moment, sometimes with a lot of tears!

Oct 28, 2009
Asperger's or Autism?
by: Pediatric OT

It sounds like it may also be Asperger's or high-functioning autism. A lot of people on the spectrum (which includes a range of types of autism and Asperger's) also have difficulties with sensory integration. The important thing to remember is that he can't always control how he's feeling - when he's telling you his senses are overloaded, he's being honest and doing his best to try to explain how he's feeling. He may not be able to regulate himself the way others may be able to because his body tends to overreact (or underreact), so that could explain what seems like extreme mood swings too. It must be really hard for you, but I'd try to be patient and tune into what he is trying to tell you. Best wishes to you two.

Oct 17, 2009
my husband too
by: Anonymous

I totally get what you are saying! My husband does do a lot of the same things you are saying. My son has Auditory,Sensory processing disorder and I now know where it came from now. He doesn't have a lot of friends but is very social but can't keep friends or wants to be with them on a regular basis. if they call, he never returns the call and then wonders why he has no friends. He only needs me, he says! but I need a break. He is like the 4th child and has his own selfish tantrums.

Looking into his childhood, Oh boy! tantrums at school, no friends and was always said to be a BAD kid! NO, he just had a problem and no one helped him deal with it. I did see the comment on the bi-polar and his mother is bi-polar and we finally had to put her in a group home. For me she was the 5th child! My husband is very successful but talks himself up lot and doesn't follow through to better himself. He always needs to get a pat on the back even if it is that he did the laundry for me! and if I don't he has a tantrum, he calls it unseen!

he is also jealous of the kids with me and can't handle the noise and nit picks everything and with a child that has SPD that causes craziness. We tend to fight alot since we have had kids and the sex life is down the drain. This only happened when we had kids and he became my second priority. I have begged him to go to therapy and says he will go and never does! He doesn't want to be labeled like his mom. Right now I have to worry about my son and I will do what I have to with him later. good luck!

Oct 14, 2009
by: Anonymous

Hi there,
I am not a doctor but your husband sounds so much like my father... check into bi-polar father decided to visit a therapist and a low level of anti=depressants...1st he had to acknowledge his behaviour was not what he wanted and that he had a genuine interest in changing. We have definitely seen changes in his personality, the way he handles stressful situations, the way he communicates (much nicer) and his overall tolerance level. Good luck.

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