Do I have (mild?) SPD? (18yo)

by Charlie
(New York State)

So I have many strange behaviors but I've usually assumed it was my social anxiety until I came across something on the internet about Sensory Defensive Disorder. I've always thought I had ADD, but my mom wouldn't take me to the doctor for it. I'm always forgetting everything and staying focused is impossible. I'm terrible at making eye contact, and usually have whether or not to look someone in the eye in the forefront of my mind whenever I have a conversation. Crowds, festivals, and concerts are absolutely terrible and usually end up in me wanting to cry or actually crying. High pitched noises make me uncomfortable too and I'm the only kid who covers their ears when hearing the fire alarm during fire drills at school. Low buzzing sounds actually feel painful in my ears. Also, bright lights (especially fluorescents) drive me crazy. I'm constantly turning the lights down in my house/ on computer screens and looking for rooms and areas with less light. I'm only truly relaxed in complete darkness. My room is a mess, yet I always have to organize everything else (M&Ms by color before I eat them, Christmas presents by type, ingredients before I cook).

A lot of discomfort comes from touching. When I was young I used to like big hugs but now I can't even stand that. The thought of intimacy makes me flinch. The longing for physical contact is always overpowered by the discomfort of even the mere thought of touching, especially kissing and hugging. If touching is going to be involved, I'd rather be the one to touch. Waistbands, bra straps, and pointy tags are the worst. When I'm alone in the house I'm usually completely naked or at least not wearing a bra and/or pants. My bed needs to have layers and layers of blankets. I'm constantly touching my hair and eyes and I'm always stretching, playing with my bracelet, or moving my fingers. Also, I'm extremely paranoid about remembering about setting alarms and locking doors. Temperature and pain don't affect me as much as they do other people and my circulation's horrendous. Anything with a banana or applesauce texture makes me gag.

Sorry this is so long. I'm just so overwhelmed by my senses sometimes and I (and some other people) am starting to notice more lately. There's a a lot of little details I could add in here, like how I need to eat ice everyday to feel comfortable and how I can't stand flashing lights. Here's all the basics I could think of.

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