I'm 36 years old - And I've just discovered, this is ME!

by Leah
(Grand Rapids, MI)

I am 36 years old. ALL my life - jokes about being undiagnosed ADHD, having undiagnosed OCD, being and introverted extrovert, a control freak, paranoid and panicky, taking charge when in a group, but "hiding" from crowds, avoiding lunch rooms, having to have my back in a corner in a restaurant so I don't feel like someone is sneaking up on me! - feeling self conscious because I lack coordination, have facial-recognition issues (I get teased because I work in the automotive industry and can't tell the difference between cars - if they're the same color and general shape, I can't distinguish between the designs!), having to wear my clothes a certain way (forever tugging at an undershirt if I'm wearing layers because I can't stand when it "bunches up"), being ok with touching others but the next moment enraged if others touch me! especially if it's unexpected, or if is too light a touch, or wanting to tear my hair out if a voice is too high pitched or "breathy" or if someone's speech makes that saliva-ish "smacking" sound! (I can't even keep carrying on the conversation!), frustrated with myself for over reacting, mocked and criticized for my emotional extremes, even KNOWING I'm blowing things way out of proportion sometimes, but being unable to calm myself down, and being completely obvlivious others, HIGH tolerance for pain (taking very low doses of pain meds after surgery), and HIGH sensitivity to other relatively "minor" pains to the point of being incapacitated (ie, headaches, or muscle strain)....

I have NEVER heard of this before. As it happens, my roommate is an OT, and we were talking last night, and laughing about some of our various quirks, and the conversation turned on a dime, she showed me this checklist, told me about this condition, and...my head is spinning. All the freakish things that I thought made me so undesirable, so unlovely as a woman ....

I know nothing more at this point than that this is ME!! But it gives me a place to start, and I'm so eager to learn more....to find ways to maybe REMEDY some of these things that I thought were just failings I'd have to live with the rest of my life!! Dare I say? There may be HOPE for change??