I'm not sure if I have this or not.

by Ashley
(West Virginia)

I do know that there is something wrong with my senses but I'm not sure if it's this. I'm hyper sensitive to a lot of things. The things that I'm sensitive to has changed over time. When I was a child I hated wearing shoes and socks and I hated corduroy with a passion! I also hated the feel of fuzzie things like the stuffing put in stuffed animals. I hated the feel of wool and velvet. I also hated to have wrinkles in my clothes. It got to the point where I would wear nothing but dresses. But because as a teen I got made fun of for wearing dresses I started wearing pants again and now that's all I wear most of the time. Fabrics don't bother me much now as an adult. I still hate clingy clothing and tags(I cut them all out)and still hate the feeling of new stiff clothes. But I don't throw fits over it like when I was a child and now will just force myself to wear these things.

The biggest thing that has stayed with me from a child is that some sounds bother me and some motions and even some things that I see. But the reason I'm not sure about this being SPD is that I do not feel these things all the time. For example I hate tinking sounds like wind chimes and bells. One day I can hear these things and be just perfectly fine and the next hear them and go off my rocker. I have never been able to really explain the feeling that I get in these situations until now. I explain it as the feeling you get when someone scratches a chalk board only 10 or 20 times worse and it last as long as whatever is causing it lasts. It's not just bells and chimes. Sometimes pianos cause it or drums and cymbals (kind of funny because I love metal music lol). The strangest thing of all is that I usually always feel this in a moving car. For so long it never made sense to me. But I think the motion and the sound together is too much for me to handle. I also freak over trampolines. I think it's the movement that bothers me. I'm not talking being on a trampoline but just watching other people on one makes me feel that freakish feeling. I hate riding carnival rides now. I used to actually like some of them as a kid.


Anyway, when I was a kid my parents never paid any attention to this. When I was in the car and they would be playing loud music and I was in the back screaming and crying I only got my my butt beat for these things. As a teen I finally got my mom to see that something was wrong with me and I got taken to a phycologist who said I was depressed and had sever anxiety and people phobia (because I hate crowds and don't like being touched). So, I've been on a lot of different meds for those things since I was around 16 to now. I'm now 23 years old. I pretty much feel no different. The anti-depressants actually do seem to help a little bit with when I'm in a car. But I think it's because they make me feel kind of numb and since I'm hyper sensitive being numb is good. I don't feel as much but it also makes me kind of a zombie.

One last thing I forgot to mention is I'm very sensitive to pain. My boyfriend likes to pick on me for instance. He likes to poke me in the arm. To a normal person this would just be annoying because he isn't doing it hard. But to me it is painful and the only way I could get him to stop doing it is to cry and make him feel bad for hurting me. I also don't like to hug people and for people to hug or kiss me. I go stiff when they do. I think I have some symptoms of aspergers but some things don't fit but a lot of things do. I also read that people with aspergers and autism can have sensory disorders. Now what kind do I have if I do have one?

So, do I have this SPD or something else?