Its all about them.
My Daughter has grown so much in 4 yrs. She had and still has so many issues. Too many to name, but much less than 2 years ago. Many of the same things you all are experiencing with your own children. She has had OT and Speech Therapy for 2 years now.
Don't listen to uneducated people, especially your own family members who think they know what you need to do to get the correct behavior. I have always treated my child with respect and love and an extra dose of patience. With my daughters issues I became a stronger communicator and always talked to her and became sensitive to her feelings and needs. If she did not want her hair brushed. I would talk to her and let her have control of the situation. She was always in charge and it has worked very well. Behaviors are really about control of oneself and their environment.
My main goal was to keep her calm and happy.Unconditional love is very important to show a child with sensory issues. Who cares if she won't brush her hair? Is it really the end of the world? No, it's not. So when she was older and ready to experience things. We would move forward. She did on her own time. She now brushes her own hair with a brush she likes and I can now put a bow in it or brush it
if she needs help.
We try to push kids so hard by the alotted time table of by this age they need to do this or that. Bull! Everyone is different and has different needs. I also just let her be her. I loved her no matter if she was having a tantrum or not. She outgrew many sensory issues due to patience and unconditional love. I also educated myself and worked on the issues with her. We were a team she never felt alone. I remained calm outside. Inside I was wincing. But I always communicated to her calmly and we would talk about her feelings and needs and I would do whatever it took to accommodate her.
My kid is one of the happiest, sweetest and well behaved in her preschool class. She still has a few sensory things going on. She may never overcome them. But she is confident and secure and has a strong sense of herself. I gave her the time she needed to overcome her issues.
When you have a kid with SPD it is no longer about you the parent/teacher. It is the child who has needs to be met. Not your own selfish ones. Be kind, loving,and communicate in a positive way. Watch your own behaviors, communication skills and how you approach things. They are little computers who will eventually do and act the same way you do.
Best of luck to everyone