Makes Sense

by Kendra
(United States of America)

So I'm a sixteen year old female and I was looking up why some of this stuff bothers me and I came across this site. I went through the checklist and found that many of these are true for me.

I chew on my lips/the inside of my mouth/pencils/pens if I don't have gum or a candy or something to have in my mouth. My cheeks are always torn up because I do it unconsciously. I have to wear long pants all the time. I always have to turn my socks inside out because of the seems; same with cutting out the tags from my shirts. When I have yoga for school I have to be careful about the pants I wear because the tags are really stiff/hard and scratchy and terrible. Lights bother me greatly (I have blackout curtains for my room), especially the fluorescent ones at school. I get jittery when I have to sit under them. In places where we have actual chairs as opposed to desks, I'm always the kid who tilts it backward. I bounce my leg all the time. I hate being touched at all, and I always sit out when we do massages in choir. But I always have to just stand and bear it when people hug me. I always jerk away when someone moves to touch me, like an automatic reaction that I can't control, and I've been called rude and told off/scolded before because of it. I avoid eye contact, can't let foods touch each other on my plate, and can't stand getting my hands messy. My desk at school can't be scattered with papers, either. I usually get panicky or overwhelmed when any of this happens and I have to move the papers or wash my hands or move the food or break eye contact immediately.

Even aside from the physical aspect, there's also the emotional; like, I can barely stand having my routine messed up. Things like early release days are one thing, because we know about them ahead of time, but it drives me crazy when someone gets up while I'm doing my morning stuff before catching the bus--it just screws everything up. I'm not a good decision maker, I have trouble finishing things, and I get frustrated rather easily sometimes...it's like this list describes me or something.

I used to think I was crazy. I always hated (still do hate) it when people yell at me or make little "hints" about it ("you _never_ let me hug you!"). It's good to know that this isn't some crazy weird thing, but I do wish that more people knew that we go through it so that they'd understand a little...