My days are too long......I am 38 and life is tough
by Mike J
I don't know where to begin.....My left and right do not agree with each other sensory wise. It’s like the data from touch(pressure), sight (balance, orientation, depth), and sound are not processed evening from both sides. When I close one eye, my body leans one way and when I close the other, my posture shifts in a different way. Both open at the same time equals postural discomfort and conflicting depth perceptions and overall sensory overload.
Touch is a big issue. If I wear a watch or ring or just simply putting on my cloths, I will start to tighten on the side that has the most pressure. I hate putting on my socks in the morning. This can take up to 30 minutes just to find a matching pair, pressure wise....Sound.... Well when my eyes are fighting each other, my ear sensitivity to sounds intensifies. I hate water dripping, electronic static, conversations I cannot hear clearly, and all loud sounds especially really low and really high frequencies. These are painful. Plus when the pain develops my body will lean to the most affected side and my vision is affected. The struggle between my eyes is made much worse if a loud sounds occurs. The poor fusion between the two eyes pretty much falls apart and I cannot see clearly.
Also a fun game I play is the lean game with my car stereo. I can change the balance from left to right on the stereo and I can feel head to toe pressure change from left to right reinforcing the postural discrepancy that I experience between my eyes. It rather amusing but painful if left unchecked. I have found no cure.....No doctor that can give me any advice.....I have tried to address the symptoms separately but always resulting is money spent and no benefit to my quality of life. The only thing that works is to change how I live.
I have accomplished a lot but it’s not a life I wish to live.....It sucks.....The worst part of it all is looking at yourself and not knowing who you are. I mean, I really do not know what I really like since my life is dictated by this disorder…..Who am I……this sucks…….Over the years I have learned a lot and have upgraded the pain to only discomfort. I have to allow myself to be completely open to whatever modification my body needs no matter how embracing and I can find a trick to completing the task. Unfortunately, that is very taxing emotionally. I can never relax or just be. I must always fit myself to the environment.