My Husband won't accept that something is wrong with our son.

by veronica
(Greenville, Mississippi)

I noticed that our son had some little quirks when he was about 2yrs old. He would touch all of his food and was a very picky eater. If it was some type of texture that he did not like then he would not even pick it up. He has always walked on his tiptoes. He has always been a very loving and polite child. His vocabulary is very large for a 5yr old. He uses words that my older children in college and high school use.

Alex never went to daycare he had only one caregiver until he started school. When we did put him in school I had to remind him to put his feet down so that he would not be on his tiptoes. He does not like to ride very far in a car. He does not like to wear pants, socks, or shoes.

During the summer months he would only wear shirt and underwear. Certain clothing he does not like to wear. He says that it itches, or hurts him and he will pull and try to stretch it or take it off. We hardly ever get to go to a restaurant as a family because he has always be so difficult to handle. Alex has been in OT and also has had an IEP from school. I have had to worked very hard to get his teacher and school to understand that I am not sure what is wrong with my son but that I want him to have the same chance that everyone else has. He has a sensory evaluation done at OT and he has an upcoming appointment at a child developmental center.

Now to my husband. He thinks that there is nothing wrong with our son. He is just that way and that everyone else has something wrong with them. He says that doctors make diagnosis that are wrong and that I should not believe them. He says that I am the one that is saying something is wrong with Alex. He is right I am the one that is saying that and I am also the one that is here with him one on one most of the time. I am there after work and on the weekends and my husband is not. My husband is from another country and seems to think that the teachers and educators in the USA do not know how to teach. I am at a lose as what to do. I have been accused of keeping things from him and doing things without his knowledge but when I try to discuss anything with him and he turns it around and starts an argument and then we go at each other like kids.

How do I get him to understand and to help me reach this child and to teach him ?

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May 06, 2011
by: Anonymous

wow, what a roller coaster. :( i can relate to some of the things you have posted here. i have gone the rounds with loved ones about my son, who i have always known had some quirky things about him, from a very very young age. i've been accused of making things up, doing things that are not necessary, trying to make my son fit a mold, and being too easy on him because i think he just doesn't understand things as well as other kids do sometimes. very difficult on many levels, but i had to keep at it because i had to advocate for my son and get him the help i knew he needed.

my son has had a diagnosis of spd for about 2 years now and we have been meeting with an ot during that time. i know that he has some spd issues, i know it because i'm his mother and mother's have the gift of intuition and instinct for their children. i think that if you believe he has some of these issues you're likely right. it's tough to block out other people, but these kids need us.

perhaps you could visit with your ot and express some of the concerns you have about his motor skills and social skills (if you haven't already) and see if there are any helpful suggestions.

my son lacks some coordination and social skills but working with him and implementing some tools at home and some consistency at home has helped tremendously. which can be hard when two parents are not on the same page.

have you done any reading about your concerns? there are some helpful books and also some great websites and therapies that can help as well. we have benefited from many of them. good luck. hang in there.

Dec 29, 2010
update on Alex.
by: veronica

A disappointing child development visit. Our Son finally got his appointment and we went on 12/14/2010. After Driving for almost 3 hrs and then being placed in a small room for 1 and half hours we finally were taken to the child pysch. office . The doctor questions us about our sons medical history with him in the room so he started to respond. She remarked several times that he was active but I pointed out that he had been confined for several hrs and this had aggravated him. She then gave paperwork to us to feel out and then she took Alex to test him.

After only 20 mins she came and got us and told us that she thought that he might have ADHD but did not want to diagnosis him with that because he was only 5yr. I asked her how she came to this conclusion and she said that he said that the activities that they were doing bored him. So she stopped and I asked her if she did any testing with sensory in mind and she stated that she saw some but did not do any testing . I left that office disgusted and I felt defeated.

My son has been diagnosed with SPD by our physician , 2 OT centers. I just don't know what to do. MY son is very smart and loving. He does 1st grade work and has a very high vocabulary . In school he does very well academically but not in motor skills or with friendships. Since thanksgiving he has gotten a very rude mouth on him and has started to destroy things if he gets angry with you. He does not turn this on himself nor does he do it to anyone . Can I be imagining that he has this and he doesn't?

Dec 10, 2010
"male pride"
by: BlondieChell

My son is 4 & my husband is just coming to terms with the fact there is "something wrong" w/our son (sensory processing disorder)...Aside from terminology (try not to use "something wrong"), it might just take time for your husband to accept this...I think its one of those "male pride" things. It didn't help that my husband's family is very judgmental when it comes to children who do not live up to their expectations of "normal"...I'm sorry u're husband feels this way, but it seems as if he will have to change his mind on his own...

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