I'm 14 and I will be going into high school. I cry all the time. I always just thought it was a teenager thing or whatever but now I'm not so sure. One day during band camp we were taking a break and listening to music. My friend grabbed me so we could dance. I told her to stop, but she kept doing it. Then I burst into tears, my heart rate speed and my breathing got heavy. I think I was having an anxiety attack. Whenever I'm in the car or can't leave a room I plug my ears when I hear a sound I don't like. I've even taken the batteries out of a clock in our living room. When I was in the car with my mom she was chewing gum so as usual I plugged my ears. She got so angry with me. She told me I was being totally disrespectful and she yelled at me for such a long time. I was scared to go home with her because if she was chewing gum I'd get in trouble again.
Whenever somebody, especially teachers, does something that I don't feel is correct I tell them. I'm shocked I haven't gotten in trouble for insubordination yet. One day this guy sitting behind me poked me I told him stop at least twice then I turned around and yelled at him. I couldn't even believe I did that. I can barely remember anything people say to me. When I need to say something and they tell me to wait a minute I will definitely forget by the time they are ready to listen. My dad thinks I have an attitude about everything even when I just say something like alright, or okay because I mean what am I supposed to not say anything. He gets really mad and yells at me over everything I say. I hardly see him anymore because of his new work schedule and it feels like the only time we talk is when he's yelling at me. I cry about it for hours every night. Whenever I need to cry I go to the bathroom or another room. I've been yelled at just for that. I feel terrible all the time and I absolutely hate it. I just want to be normal. How can I be better so that my family will like me again?