Rant ~ clothes/sleep/food/touch/sound/smell

by Lea
(Fl)

I'm 32 F. I finally googled the phrase "clothes causing anxiety' today. I felt relieved and kind of sad when I found this website. Yes this is me, yes this is me... Why can't I print this list and give it to every one who cares about me and they understand me all of the sudden?




I have gone through phases through life and have been misunderstood by everyone close to me. I'm "picky" yeahh about that.... From the worst to the least mostly in order are clothes or anything touching me in the way that it must be comfortable in order to NOT think about it constantly to the point that I have to fix what is wrong. (Clothes of all kinds especially socks shoes pants bras.

Can't wear necklaces or hair ties hair up not gonna happen. I can't stand my hair touching me softly on the side of my cheeks ears neck yuck. I go through phases. What ever is the worst is what is running through my mind.

Driving is terrible when you are constantly adjusting your clothes and you can feel your socks touching you wrong. Omg. Pulling over to adjust your underwear is so embarrassing. Can't ride with the windows down because of the hair thing.

I have been wearing the same brand of socks for like 15 years and I can't find them anymore down to just a few pairs. :( My bras are the worst yet I can not go without them so I just spend the whole friggin day tugging tugging and freezing still when it's right and aching all over trying to keep my body still so my clothes don't bother me.

Bed time, ear plugs fuzzy blanket same pair of pajamas for years now and a pull down hat and a *embarrassing teddy bear to put weight on my stomach. And absolutely can not be touched or I will not sleep at all.

Sounds I feel like I am being attacked by other people's sounds constantly. It's overwhelming. And the machine noises yuck. However I can listen to my own music like super loud with no problems but if something comes on I don't know I have to turn it down.

My feet, my feet annoy me to death it's like they can feel everything all the time. I can feel the tiny fuzzy things that grow on socks, one piece of sand. If you sit still for a while and your feet sweat some this is terrible. You try to warm them up but they like get more wet. Ugh.

I can't sit still when I am eating or I think too much about my position and start getting sick to my stomach. I can't eat anything without smelling it first. I can't tell you how many people I have *embarrassing* grossed out because my mouth rejected some form of food I put in there and it didn't like. I can't control it and if I try my mouth squirts that acidic lemon tasting saliva that makes you puke. I just catch the food in my hand and smile like nothing happened and say something funny.

The wrong texture or thought or taste and Bam my tongue just rejects what I am chewing like it's suddenly made from bugs. Sigh.
I can't sit anywhere near the kitchen of a restaurant or I can't eat at all, I can smell the dishwater. I have thrown away whole plates of food convinced that it had been tossed with some chemical I'm smelling from another room.

I turned down a new office even tho mine is really

hot and in a bad location of the building because the new room is next to the kitchen and the microwave smells bad.

Lights are terrible. I couldn't figure that one out, I didn't realize I was craving getting away from electrical sources of lights when I was fantasizing about living in a country house with no electricity and using candles. Seems so comforting.

"Dumb Hand" my x husband would tell everyone I had dumb hand condition. I was off put but hey it's a personality traits right? I have 20/20 vision but for some reason I am more likely to punch the cup of water in front of me rather than actually grabbing it for a refreshing drink.
Light switches are the worst. Sometimes I hit the wall like 6 inches under the switch and amazingly drag my hand all like hard and painfully up the wall and flick the switch. I amaze myself I'm like what the crap was that and laugh it off.

It takes me like 4 good gaps in traffic to judge if I have enough distance to merge into the oncoming traffic. There are other smaller issues that seem like I'm just picky. Car sickness, literally can not tell right from left, if I see anything that stands out in my side e vision I can not read what I am looking at.

Distant tv or people talking bother me. I panic during thunder storms and obsess about it, I live next to a military base and they do like bomb tests and it makes me feel instant dread.

I absolutely can not stand to swim in a lake. The slimy stuff makes me absolutely panic. Chemicals ah yes chemicals are the worst. I can't stand them to touch me and must wash my hands. I imagine the side effects omg new subject.

New foods are tough. Eating something that other people cooked like friends and family, I can eat my food processed food or at restaurants but for some reason it bothers me to eat at a friend's house. Sometimes when I smell something it gives me the same feeling as when I touch chemicals like it's getting into my body.

I want to have kids but as a step mom for some time I feel like the little ones are like the perfect catalyst for my issues, sounds so many sounds and sticky things to touch yuck. Sorry happy mom's and dad's out there.

Anyways, just thought I would rant. I just found this site and wanted to share some of my weirdness that I apparently though no one would understand. Like why why why do people cuddle when they sleep? How do people fall asleep in moving vehicles? Or on the couch sitting up with the tv on? How to people just use Windex or spray paint without wondering if they are sniffing deadly chemicals up their nose. Arggggg.

How does every woman wear a bra all day long and appear to be happy in their perfectly fitting jeans and thong. Wearing high heals! How do they do it? Lol

I digress, obviously I have this issue. I'm just glad that I have someone to tell that understands. There's more but I don't want to SEEM CRAZY PICKY (like the sore spots on my thighs that I can not stand to have touched or the instant fear if I smell those tiny little onions on McDonald's cheeseburgers ^_^ )

let me know if I touched on one of your favorite things to hate, I would love to have someone in common with me, the picky girl. ~ Lea

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Mar 06, 2018
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Phew! Feels unbelievable to be understood!
by: mom of wonderful SPD son

Lea,
You are NOT alone!!! When I discovered this site while researching why my son was struggling, it was life changing. To know that others are going through the very same thing and especially the success stories of how we can all cope and help SPD children/adults has been so helpful and comforting.

You are right, I wish I could hand this list (many of the items on your list hit home for exactly what my 11 year old son is and has been going through since he was a toddler.) over to everyone to get some compassion and understanding about how much he is going through on a daily basis.

Things that others just take for granted (smelling that windex, trying to eat in a noisy restaurant, finding that one brand of socks that are not going to feel like a fuzzy nightmare all day, etc.), are always playing on our minds.

Right now our struggle is getting school to understand all that he is going through. I really wish there was a way that I could make them understand that he is truly trying his hardest. Getting through a school day (talk about sensory overload!!) is not as easy as they seem. So, I am just so proud of his daily accomplishments and coping through the craziness of a middle school day and getting any work done is amazing to me!

Not even the special ed teachers seem to really understand his needs and how to help him feel successful and confident with all that he CAN do instead of nit-picking on his struggles.

So, Lea, thank you for sharing and giving us some common ground to relate to. You are strong and I know that you will get through all of these sensory challenges as you have been coping without others even knowing through all of these years.

I wish you the best.

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