SPD and Depression

by Tess

Hi, I'm almost 24 (f) and have had a plethora of these problems since I was a little kid. I first noticed it when I realized normally people don't walk on their toes (I still hate the feeling of my heel hitting the ground). I have mostly problems with sensations, mostly revolving around how my bones feel.

For example, the idea of my ankle bones touching makes me gag. And skin is horrible all round, and I have constant almost phantom like itches that keep me up at night. Clothes hurt, usually everything hurts.

I'm always exhausted. Also since I was thirteen I've been battling depression and severe social anxiety, and because I can't quite explain myself (I usually don't understand my moods myself), I have isolated myself almost completely. I recently lost my job because I was "too nervous", and now I feel as though I'll never be successful in a job because I will never stop being nervous. It's all I've known, and people never understand that 9/10 it's fine and I am not panicking, but they seem to think I'm some sort of loose canon.

I don't have a clue what to do with my life, because I feel so impaired and alienated. I can't find a place for myself in this world so I've been in hiding and on unemployment. I haven't even heard back from housekeeping jobs (I have a year's experience) so I feel like everything is useless. I cry everyday and although this is nothing new to me, I feel like I'm at a point in my life where if I make the wrong decision, I could screw up the rest of my life. I'm fresh out of college (with psych, ironically), but nobody seems to care that I have a degree (and with honors).

I just wish I had somebody to boss me around and make my decisions for me because at this point, I'm afraid of wasting away. Sorry I went a little more in depth and off-topic than was intended, I just have nobody here to talk to. Thanks for listening:)