SPD or OCD? Anger and Definance

Our 11 year old daughter was recently diagnosed with SPD (about 4 months ago). She was previously diagnosed with OCD (since about 8 years old). Is there an overlap or co-morbidity with these 2 disorders? From my observations over the last 2.5 years she does not seem to "fit" either. She does not like to talk about any of it with us, but will open up to some degree with doctors/therapists. All of her therapist's rave on her attentiveness and willingness; she is the model patient. However, as soon as the session is over and back in the presence of us (most notably her mom), she reverts back into the troubled young girl.

Her OCD therapist would give her "homework" to help with some of her obsessive thoughts and as soon as she would get into the car, she'd rip up the "homework." Very defiant and laced with negativity, as if she doesnt see it as her problem, but something that we should fix, and if we dont, then she would unleash her vengeance.

It's as if we have 2 daughters in 1. One minute she could be smiling and laughing, and then something is said or done and a flip is switched. She goes into pacing, repeating a phrase, pulling her hair out, breaking things, etc. The doctors have said to remove ourselves from the situation and stay calm (most of her anger is directed at mom). So mom attempts to remove herself but is relentlessly pursued. We have tried locking doors, but those poor hollow core doors and cheap hardware are no match for her fury. She avoids coming home and attempts to stay at a family member's house until she gets tired enough that she can walk in and fall asleep. When she IS home and mom is out or still at work, she will call her incessantly to get home. So there is separation anxiety but it seems the only reason she wants mom to come home is so that she can release her anger and rage on the one person that she can't seem to live without. An I hate you dont leave me sort of thing.

She's threatened to kill

us, chop our heads off, etc and then in the next breath asks for one us to sit in her room so that she can get to sleep. This is maddening, and its to the point where there is a uneasy tension in the room whenever she is around. We even moved across country to be close to family and their support. Imagine inviting an unpredictable and violent stranger into your home on a daily basis. Communication is limited to reduce the # of episodes and the relationship with our daughter is growing more distant by the day.

She wont talk about any of the things that "bother" her. What will trigger the next episode? A simple question? A touch that didnt feel right? an image on TV? it seems she has "freaked out" about anything and everything. She refuses to bathe (most of time) and her unclean odor is noticeable. She appears unkempt so she is judged at school and thus we are judged as parents (something I have gotten over but my wife has a tough time with). We walk on eggshells in her presence. which is amplified because she has a 4 year old brother that has now been subject to things no 4 year old should see or hear. He has definitely been affected and is most often wary of his sister and will say that he's scared of her.

We've exhausted everything, but the want to heal can only come from her and she is unwilling or unable to do so. Our hope dangles on frayed threads. She is not medicated (tried zoloft but her insomnia and nighttime fears grew) but is currently in neurofeedback therapy (for SPD) with limited results. Her impulse control has worsened, who knows what her thoughts are as she is unwilling to tell us, clothing that used to bother her, doesnt but is replaced with something new (takes her 45 minutes to take her change into her pajamas....shirt and pants go up and down, up and down, inside and out, outside and in, sometimes it gets to much and she starts wailing and the rage begins......)

This is way too long, so I do apologize. Thanks for reading

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