Unidentified mood disorder

by Elisabeth
(United States)

I have extremely heightened senses and have had major issues with over stimulation and falling asleep AND staying asleep as a result.

I was delayed at walking when I was younger, etc. Yet, all of these things were never factored into an actual diagnoses. Instead of looking at the big picture, I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, which was later changed to PTSD, and then that was changed to GAD.

I had severe rages when I was younger, and to this day hate fire drills.
The rages definitely decreased over time, but occasionally I will still have to restrain myself if someone bumps into me etc, if that happens I want to lash out in pure violence. I don't of course.

Because SPD is not in the DSM, I don't think any of the psychiatrists I have gone to really looked at it though.
Dealing with rages is a very strange experience, because often I would have no idea what triggered it, other than the fact that I knew that I felt I was threatened in some way.

If my mom threatened to take away something, it just made the situation worse. If dad tried to restrain me because I was i don't know, hitting my sister, or threatening my family in ways that you wouldn't hear a normal kid say, I would fight until all of the strength left me.

The most obvious thing I remember feeling as I through

these rages, was fear.
I was hospitalized when I was 6, and because I was in a completely over stimulating environment, in a hospital bed (which are extremely hard if you have never been in one), and I also had no idea at the time why I was there, I acted out in violence. I was scared out of my mind. No one could tell me why I was there, and I felt completely powerless.

I like to be in control to this day.
So, I may have a personal experience when dealing with some of these symptoms. Also, I constantly listen to music, always have white noise (fan or radio static) on when sleeping, wear sunglasses, and tend to HATE textbooks because I can't process the information if it is black on white, if it is white on black I can remember the info.

Am I making this up? No.
I also tend to play with things that people would think is abnormal. One time, maybe I was 9 years old. I took out a jar of mayo and played with that... yeah. The gooier the better please!

So, yes, personal experience to heightened senses.

Oh one more thing, I get headaches from too much florescent lights, and cannot stand fire drills, they simply freak me out. My worst experiences today are fire drills at school, and pulling over for a firetruck or ambulance in the car, and not having enough time to cover my ears.

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