Clothing Doesn't Feel Good

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Clothing Doesn't Feel Good

by Debbie
(Pittsburgh, PA)

My 4 year old (just turned 4) has always had an issue with clothing/socks/shoes not feeling good, but over the last few weeks it has gotten much worse.

Getting her ready for daycare in the morning is a HORRIBLE experience. When it is time to get dressed, the crying and tantrums start. Her underwear, pants, shirts and ESPECIALLY socks and shoes do not feel good when she puts them on. She will change clothing up to 5 times to find something that "feels good" while throwing a fit during this time. Then finally, when we have clothes on, we have to try to get socks and shoes on.

Over the summer, it wasn't as big of an issue, because she tolerated wearing sandals. But now that she has to wear socks and shoes, she is miserable. I have purchased seamless socks over the internet, thinking this would solve my problems, but she doesn't like those either. Of the 15 pair of shoes she owns, there is only ONE pair she will wear. And sometimes it is embarrassing because they don't go with a lot of her outfits.

She also does not like her hair brushed or to put barrettes or pony tails in her hair. When she is at home, she likes being naked from the waste down. Other problems we have with her is that she is a very picky eater, but the clothing problem is much more serious right now. If there is any advice you can give us, it would be GREATLY APPRECIATED!

Debbie,

I know this is a very, very common and difficult problem for our kids. What makes me feel a bit better is knowing quite a few adults that have some mild form of this, so I often wonder if S.P.D. has been around a lot longer than everyone has expected.

Has your daughter received a diagnosis of SPD? Any other defensiveness issues? Does she get OT? (occupational therapy) OT would definitely be the place to address the underlying sensory defensiveness. If she is in OT, make sure they are addressing this. If she isn't, please try to get her there!! The picky eating, the clothing issues, hairbrushing issues... all sensory defensiveness that needs to be addressed through a good sensory integrative approach. Meanwhile...

In our home this is also a big problem. I have managed to get around it by finding stores that sell tagless, seamless undergarments (Target carries them; and other stores linked to in article referred to at the end of this answer). As for them not matching? Hmmm, maybe buying the kind she likes and dying them? Some specialty stores carry socks: have you asked the company who makes the ones she likes if they sell colored socks? Sometimes all it takes is for you to ask.

I have started to try and make garments softer before I even give them to my son. I will get a 5T & 6T and then wash the 6T everytime I was washing the clothes (6-10 times usually works), then put them away. The hard part? Remembering you have said 6T jeans/shirt! I will also run his clothes through the wash & then through the rinse cycle just so he does not have that fresh smell; A LOT of SPD kids do not like the smells of detergent and this can sometimes be the main problem.

A way to soften clothes quickly so they are not stiff and are w/o detergent is to use the dryer balls (I use the bumpy balls from Target or Walmart)... they are in the toy section, not the laundry section, and cost a fraction of a dryer ball (can also be used as a sensory tool when you run it over a sensory seeking child). Just add 2-4 balls to a wash and then the whole load to the dryer and you will be amazed at how soft and comfy jeans, t-shirts, jammies become.

I'm not sure about the buying a bigger sized shirt, I am pretty lucky to be able to do that, I am not sure if a lot of other people can or not. Maybe an exchange w/ a neighbor who might have an older child that has "gently used" clothing?

Are there any parents out there who have any other ideas? Anything you have that works for your child? Any other store you have found seamless/tagless clothing?

Hope that helps.

Take care,
Heidi Washington SPD Parent SHARE Host

One particular newsletter may help too... SI Theory To Help Solve Problems At Home newsletter. Here are some of the suggestions you will find there:

Child is bothered by the feel of some clothes.

1. Use a body suit under clothes.

2. Provide socks that are tight around the ankle.

3. Wear silk/lycra underclothes.

4. Seamless socks (or turn socks inside out).

5. Tagless pants, shirts, and underwear.

6. Get used clothes at a second hand store... they are usually well broken in and softer.

7. Use plenty of fabric softener when washing clothes.

Also, this article should help a lot! Touch Sensitivity (Tactile Defensiveness); When Clothes Hurt. Includes explanations and reasons why they have a hard time, clothing resources and stores for seamless/comfortable underwear, socks, etc.

Giving your daughter some good deep pressure input and compression will help decrease the defensiveness too. Use weighted blankets at night, roll a therapy ball over her before she gets dressed, do some deep pressure lotion massage, bear hugs, anything that "squeezes" her, etc.

And, shoes? Have you tried moccasins? Tight socks with the shoes?

But, her defensiveness sounds significant enough that she needs to be treated by an OT... can you get her to one??

Anyone else have some ideas? Input?

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Clothing Doesn't Feel Good

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Dec 14, 2008
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Relieved to know I'm not alone!
by: TAH

I got online this morning to search for some sort of answer to my five year old daughter's symptoms.

1. socks and shoes on and off at least a dozen
times - minimum of 30 minutes
2. clothes don't feel good ever... especially
in the car, she complains about her
underwear or the seams in her pants, etc.
3. she doesn't like her hair pulled up
4. she seems more and more frustrated and fussy
5. also, she continuously complains that her
feet are achy

The socks and shoes issue started when she was probably around 3. Until reading this page, I was completely oblivious to the invention of seamless socks. I have looked everywhere but never thought to look online. In your opinion, do the seamless socks help?

After reading the comments on this page, I realized that I wasn't crazy for being concerned. Not knowing what is wrong with her hurts me in a way only a parent can understand. I now realize that her behavior is something bigger than normal defiance. Any suggestions at all - to make mornings easier, to help me handle the situation in a way that is beneficial and not harmful to her - will be appreciated. Thanks.

Nov 20, 2008
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Clothing Issues
by: Whitney

I have the same situation at home. My daughter is now 7 and this all started when she was 3. It may not have been evident earlier because I stayed home with her. She really struggles with underwear, pants, socks and shoes. After a year of O.T. work and psychologist we are having more better days than not. She keeps it all together all day at school but comes home like wild banshee.

Find an O.T. and get her evaluated before it continues to get worse. There are also some great books out there. I liked the RAISING A SENSORY SMART CHILD and THE OUT OF SYNC CHILD and THE OUT OF SYNC CHILD HAS FUN. An O.T. is the best for helping you know what direction your daughter needs help. I look forward to hearing an update.

Nov 18, 2008
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I understand your pain!
by: EWG

This is about the age my daughter started to present signs of SPD but of course we had no clue what that was until about a year later. We just thought she was being extremely defiant. You can have an O.T. evaluate your daughter for SPD. I highly recommend that you do this sooner rather than later, than try to see if it is just a phase like I did. Sorry to say it, but it also sounds like you have the beginnings of some defiant behavior since she will put the pants on for the teacher. The defiance goes along with the tactile defensiveness.

Nov 15, 2008
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HELP!!!
by: Anonymous

Hello I have a 2 1/2 yr old who refuses to wear pants, socks, tennis shoes and will not let me brush her hair or teeth. We actually have to hold her down to get this done. As for getting dressed in the morning, she will only wear shorts and crocs and now its getting cold and she still refuses pants. (we've tried all kinds) It's the worse tantrum you have ever seen if i even try to put the pants on.

The weird thing is when she gets to daycare, and I leave she allows the teacher to put her pants on. So I don't know whats going on, I have never heard of SPD, how do I know she has it?? Any advice would help. Oh and she love to be naked at home too, most of the time she will wear just shorts and when in the car she ALWAYS takes her shirt off, then allows me to put it back on when we get to our destination.

Thanks

skye23@sbcglobal.com

Aug 28, 2008
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Underwear and Socks
by: Whitney

I have bought my daughter the Hanes panties that are 95%cotton and 5%spandex. They don't have the rubbery waist band the waist band is enclosed in the material. I found these at Kohl's and they have helped for a while. If she is have a rough day then nothing really helps with getting clothes on but on good days these are working!! Socks that she has liked are the athletic brand at Walmart in the boys section. I had bought these for her brother and when she needed to wear them she said they worked better than her own. I notice that the seemed to be snug in the arch and the ankle. We have not found a solution for sneakers. Daily shoes for school are the canvas flats that are found in Walmart she typically wants them a size smaller. Sometimes when we think we have it figured out she changes on us. Anyone that wants to chat one on one can email wkr@insightbb.com

Aug 25, 2008
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I feel like you are describing my child!
by: egumpman

I can fully relate to your child's clothing issues. My 6 year old daughter was diagnosed with SPD at 4 1/2 and we still struggle daily with underwear, she refuses to wear them with pants and when wearing dresses she barely has them covering her bottom. She still refuses to wear any kind of pants other than knit ones. We have been in O.T. for 1 1/2 years and she has improved but we still struggle daily. I too was dreading the start of school. My daughter had to be physically carried into school on the 2nd day as she refused to wear panties with shorts and once the school guidance counselor talked her into wearing them she apparently went into the bathroom and disposed of them! Our afternoons have been full of meltdowns. It is comforting to know that our child is not the only one that comes home and strips down once in the door.

If anyone has any suggestions for underwear choices, we tried ALOT of brands, I would love your imput. ellengumpman@comcast.net

Aug 25, 2008
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You are not alone
by: amyk

Debbie,
I feel your pain. I have a four year old daughter also that does the exact same things. I am dreading school starting next week and have just posted a question about shoes and sock before I saw your post. I would love to chat with you more and pick each others brains for ideas and solutions. thekeanefamily@cox.net

I did shop for her this year and before I let her try anything on I put it in the dryer with tags attached with dryer sheets. That did make everything feel softer and more broke in. I returned what ever she didn't want. I had an aha moment break through with underwear. I bought every kind out there and brought them home, but she still wanted her old ones [2t-3t] which are still big. I inspected all of them side by side and found that the ones she favors have a very narrow crotch that does not bunch up. They are a name brand called wee essentials. Some of the newer ones [haynes: hannah montana} were almost 2 inches wider in the crotch which bunched up on her. I do keep her hair in a short bob for less tangles and ouches. I use some shine sirum on it first to help release the tangles and make the brush glide through the hair and that really helps.

As far as shoes and food we are still only eating dry cereal, poptarts and wearing flip flops all year round. You are not alone.
I hope for a better future with my daughter and one for you and yours

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Aug 25, 2008
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Submitted by: amyk

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Comment
Debbie, I feel your pain. I have a four year old daughter also that does the exact same things. I am dreading school starting next week and have just posted a question about shoes and sock before I saw your post. I would love to chat with you more and pick each others brains for ideas and solutions. thekeanefamily@cox.net I did shop for her this year and before I let her try anything on I put it in the dryer with tags attached with dryer sheets. That did make everything feel softer and more broke in. I returned what ever she didn't want. I had an aha moment break through with underwear. I bought every kind out there and brought them home, but she still wanted her old ones [2t-3t] which are still big. I inspected all of them side by side and found that the ones she favors have a very narrow crotch that does not bunch up. They are a name brand called wee essentials. Some of the newer ones [haynes: hannah montana} were almost 2 inches wider in the crotch which bunched up on her. I do keep her hair in a short bob for less tangles and ouches. I use some shine sirum on it first to help release the tangles and make the brush glide through the hair and that really helps. As far as shoes and food we are still only eating dry cereal, poptarts and wearing flip flops all year round. You are not alone. I hope for a better future with my daughter and one for you and yours

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Apr 30, 2008
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Excessive tight clothes
by: Whitney

Wow there really are other families out there going through what I go through. I thought my 6 year old was just my defiant child for years. She would go to get dressed for preschool and would be screaming and throwing tantrums about her clothes not feeling well. People would say "let her pick out her own clothes." I had been letting her pick out her own clothes long before this and she still had problems. And even with my background being in education I had not experienced this before and my pediatrician was not concerned unless she was OCD.

It wasn't until she went to kindergarten and would come home and completely melt down and take all of her clothes off did we truly see how miserable she was in her own skin. This year has been a struggle especially for us as parents to find information on it. We have started seeing an OT and doing the Brushing and Pressure and as much Sensory Diet as we can. I can see a difference when we do the activities.

She needs things to be excessively tight (jeans will cut into her hips and still not be tight enough). She has a favorite pair of velour pants and they have a thick waist band (it is tight but stretches because of the elastic). It is also a struggle for socks and shoes. When we find something that works, like the pants, we try our best to keep it clean. Sometimes it is the only way she can get dressed.

We have 3 other children and we have struggled with how misplaced she looks when we are dressed for church, but her happiness and comfortableness is much better than looking great. My recommendations are finding what they can handle wearing and then trying to accomodate to that as much as possible. Please let me know if you have come up with any new strategies.

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Apr 30, 2008
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Submitted by: Whitney

Title

Comment
Wow there really are other families out there going through what I go through. I thought my 6 year old was just my defiant child for years. She would go to get dressed for preschool and would be screaming and throwing tantrums about her clothes not feeling well. People would say "let her pick out her own clothes." I had been letting her pick out her own clothes long before this and she still had problems. And even with my background being in education I had not experienced this before and my pediatrician was not concerned unless she was OCD. It wasn't until she went to kindergarten and would come home and completely melt down and take all of her clothes off did we truly see how miserable she was in her own skin. This year has been a struggle especially for us as parents to find information on it. We have started seeing an OT and doing the Brushing and Pressure and as much Sensory Diet as we can. I can see a difference when we do the activities. She needs things to be excessively tight (jeans will cut into her hips and still not be tight enough). She has a favorite pair of velour pants and they have a thick waist band (it is tight but stretches because of the elastic). It is also a struggle for socks and shoes. When we find something that works, like the pants, we try our best to keep it clean. Sometimes it is the only way she can get dressed. We have 3 other children and we have struggled with how misplaced she looks when we are dressed for church, but her happiness and comfortableness is much better than looking great. My recommendations are finding what they can handle wearing and then trying to accomodate to that as much as possible. Please let me know if you have come up with any new strategies.

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Jan 04, 2008
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Feeling your pain!
by: Kristin

Hi Debbie! I have an 8 yr old and a 5 yr old that suffer from SPD. Both cried when I brushed their hair. Try Goody's ouchless hairbrushes. They are a pretty good product and have taken SOME of the fussing away, but not all. You have to remember your daughter's nerve ending are on overtime! Try to be really aware of tags on clothing,... scratchy stitching around the neck and armholes... try to choose the softest fabrics. I relaize it is cold outside right now... I bought a cashmere duster sweater for my girls. It cost some, but it was more important to me to keep them warm and comfprtable.

If I think of other ideas, I'll let you know.

PS. When my girls are home, I simply put them in an oversized T-shirt without tags so they can run around and be comfy.

Hang in there!
Kristin (TX)

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