Daniella

Hi, after arriving home yesterday I was unwell...I had to be sick, I knew this was down to there just being to much "physical" information for me to take in. This has been concerning me for some time and something I was growing increasingly aware of over the last year. I have a diagnosis of BPD, I am 38 and was diagnosed well over ten years ago. I have had weekly input from a mental health team weekly since 21yr of age. I have not, however, been under any team for the last year as I am "stable" .....as the BPD has all but gone, I knew (as I always have) that "sensory" its as if I am hypersensitive, I didnt even know if this was possible?!! visually seems to be the worst one for me, my only doubt (as it uses my hearing sense) is that I use an mp3 when out, even when talking to someone i keep one earphone in so I can focus on what the person is saying, as it seems to be the only thing that takes my head away from all the information, so the music stops my brain, the only thing I can take in is the music.


I have been told many many times that my memory for colours, smell etc etc is amazing!? I of course paid it no attention as I felt it was just part of my mental health. I did however (about 8-9 months ago) begin to feel this more intensely, maybe because all else is stable? I now really struggle to be away from home for long, this is by no means a social fear or an agoraphobia etc its purely a "cant cope with the info" (home is easy as its familiar to look at etc etc) or have anyone here, had my cousin here with his partner and 3 children and my brain just CANNOT cope with the tv going, children talking and the adults trying to talk...it was so hard...my head was thudding, I had to come to my room and spent 2 mins just laying on my bed looking at my ceiling, the thudding in my head went immediately.

It is as if I can only use one sense at a time ....I am notoriously bad at multi tasking...I cant text and talk etc and I am female , I have started to develop ticks when its getting a lot , my body just doesnt like it....I didnt realise I was doing it but its becoming embarrassing as I now do know...my family have asked why im "twitching" and find it amusing but I have not said anything to anyone....this is my first expression of it.

I was amazed to find the correlation and I am also quite interested to find out if there is a correlation with epilepsy as I was diagnosed with that at 21 ish but have not had a seizure in well over 15 years...I am really begging to wonder if neurologically my brain actually cannot cope with the stimuli and short circuits??!!I am treated with depokate for my BPD but funny enough i know its used for epilepsy to ....I am convinced I was not epileptic well not in the way we would all know it, I do not ever ever remember my brain being any different and though amusing at the time my father say's (and he is not alone) that I am like sherlock. I dont miss anything and he jokes about me having a "mind palace"

I am always told about my intelligence but again I just put that down to being a bit "mad". does anyone have any advice??? does any else experience this?? funny enough I now have to stop as my head is thumping and I am ticking away and I knows its because I am thinking hard about writing this....ouch! any help would be much appreciated

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