I cried

by L

Different Styles

Different Styles

Today I decided to write this to you all. Some of you may never get the idea I am trying to share, but that’s ok because I can’t fix everything, as you will see. As a I write this I will state firmly to you… walk in her shoes, walk in my shoes… please(!!!) don’t just stand there in your shoes.

Our soles are worn and ragged, but you won’t mind will you? It’s not that we don’t have new shoes, we do… a lot of people bought me the best shoes, they just don’t feel right, they pinch and they pull and they cramp. And the new ones feel like pliers pinching, or the arch hurts, they rub my heels. Notice the shoe is old, but it feels familiar and comfortable. OH! She has grown and needs a new pair… shoe store terror here we go!

And because everyone wants her to dress like them, nobody wants to bring me shopping. She won’t wear what they buy anyway, but we go shopping. Things are pretty and she wants them, only to realize they hurt her, they feel awful she won’t wear them!

I could let you use my socks for these are comfortable too. The toes are seamless and there is no ankle band because we stretched these out. Sometimes we are fortunate to find a good brand and then I am comfortable. Oh my goodness you say, what’s the point of this letter? I will get to it. My pants are soft with no buttons that cut and dig into my tummy, no zipper to frustrate me because it’s rough or just hard to zip or rubs my arm when I sit with my hands in my lap.

As I say now life does not revolve around her dressing like everyone else. There are more important things. It may be embarrassing for her as well. As growing occurs and she has to introduce new feelings to her body, she needs new clothes; you know the kind you all buy that she should wear because everyone else does? The new jeans and new fancy shirts and sweaters and socks, and she has to wear bras now too. When she gets it on and struggles a few days with one brand, that’s her brand. Can’t seem to find underwear that fit right, she has a lot of brands and a lot of styles and a lot of colors and sizes. This is my point! I spend so much time fighting and struggling to dress her I forgot her needs. I thought if I bought her enough underwear she would find a pair that would feel ok.

I cried today for her!! Her underwear were dirty, she was dirty because it’s not just clothes… it’s showers and lotions and the way her skin feels when she wakes up the am after a shower. She chose dirty underwear over a new fit, the last one of the familiar that were left. A new size does not feel right, even though the new ones are the same they don’t feel the same, even though they got bigger as she did to, they don’t feel the same, even though they have been washed and softened they don’t feel the same.

I believe sensory issues vary and I don’t know a lot about them but I do know I have watched a 12 year old wash her underwear by hand just to wear them again because they feel better then the new ones. People often assume these children to be spoiled and difficult, and even dirty or unkept kids. And they need discipline, and you get all kinds of helpful advice. The point here is… How would you feel if your mom called you a dirty, disgusting child on the way to school and it’s because of the way it feels when things are touching you?

I cried because I forgot to remember that it’s how things feel. I cried because all the 12 years of fighting clothing battles. I cried because of the tooth brushing terrors, because of the way she makes everyone mad while fighting to get dressed for school. I cried because she is different and I cried because I understand. DO YOU?

I called her 10 minutes after she left and said I am sorry, I know it’s the feeling thing and we will work on it tonight. I’m hoping for help here at www.sensory processing disorder.com because I feel it too. My heart breaks for the children of even the most understanding parents. I hope this helps others to get the feel of what my point was.

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Nov 10, 2009
shes come a long way
by: update on i cried

My daughters wearing jeans and shirts and showering and able to regulate emotions better , and having a breakthrough in counseling therapy after three years, with less emotional outburst this year. THUMBS UP TO SWING FOR THE STARS,This has done more in under a year then three years of psychological visits. Listening therapy is amazing,yes it is a hard to get use to adding it to schedule that sometimes is not always present,and if you mess up and misss a few dont knock your self just pick it up and go again.

Im still here and watching my SPD kiddo turn into a beautiful young lady. It been a busy time,over a year to finalize a 504 ,but when you often times have to look very hard for reasons your childs demonstrating odd or difficult behavior,you realize communication with school is a winner for the child, keep trying and pushing for these kids,I have been getting real hugs lately.

I thank all the people who push and communicate about quirks and odditys and stand up and say Look it is spd ! It is all about her needs,not mine,I am ok and so is she,we just have different needs. but its all working out. It is a life of skills she will need to learn to use her self, I can be her support but she will need to use the techniques shes been taught

Nov 27, 2008
I cried reading this article!
by: Bubby

I to have a grandchild that I love so much that has SPD, knowing we are not alone is a help. Thank you! Bubby

Nov 24, 2008
I feel your pain!
by: Carol

Hey LH,

I do feel your pain, but I know someday it will be ok.


Oct 07, 2008
I cried, too!
by: Whitney

Thank you for putting those thoughts into words on paper. We struggle with SPD as a family with a 7 year old girl with very similar spd problems like your daughter. How often we are delayed and bothered by her problem and ability to get dressed and sit in a seat belt in the car. We forget to think of her and how it feels for her.

You helped me cry today as she managed to barely get out the door and on the bus and sucked up all those yucky feelings so her peers would not notice just how different it is for her. Will it mean the same when I tell her how proud I am that she put it all together this morning? Will it help her the next time?

We struggle to get her siblings to understand and not get angry with her. They try but it is still a struggle. Many prayers.

Oct 06, 2008
by: Anonymous

I'd like to tell you this was a very well written article. It really allows the reader to feel as though they are in the shoes of you or those of your daughters. Thank you for taking the time to share with us so that we who do not deal with sensory disorder on a regular basis may have a little more understanding of those who do.

Mar 29, 2008
Your point is understood!!!
by: Lexymama

Just wanted to let you know your feelings and frustrations are understood. I grew up with this disorder and now my 4 yr old is suffering with it as well.

When I was a child I was never diagnosed or treated for it. A specialist my parents took me to said my problem was lack of discipline and suggested my parents discipline me physically. What a quack!!!!!

We are at a point with our daughter were we have no choice but to seek help. I just cant let her go untreated knowing how much she will suffer. I am learning how hard it is to be a mother of a SPD child. It is hell. I live everyday with the guilt and frustration. I often blame myself for her situation. I know first hand what she feels, but at times when my patients wear thin I become very insensitive to it because I so badly want her to be "normal". I don't want to accept what is going on inside her.

After the tantrum and still with no progress made, I feel absolutely helpless and disgusted with my parenting skills and myself. I have researched and tried to learn as much about this disorder as possible. For the first time in my life I do not feel alone in this. Many others unfortunately fight this battle everyday.

Remember you are not alone. For those of us who understand how they feel, the pain is very deep. I try to take this pain with pride however because I know my daughter will not feel alone.

Having the necessary patience in the bad time is a huge challenge for me, but I will tell you that I enjoy every good moment to the fullest. There is nothing more rewarding than to hear a sweet praise from your child after you have helped through another battle.

Hang in there!!!

Mar 27, 2008
I cried too
by: Anonymous

Oh, my goodness... I can relate completely. I have gone through the same thing with my daughter. I hate that I get angry with her, but mornings are soooo stressful. She often gets dirty clothing out of the hamper to wear and I can never get her to brush her teeth. Her feet stink enough to burn your nose because she can't stand the feel of socks. It's hard to find good ones. I cry too, for my daughter and all children with SPD. Help can't come soon enough.

Mar 26, 2008
by: sandy

Amazing and profound. Your words touched me deeply. Thank you and God bless.

Sandy, mom of Mason dx with SPD!!!!!!!!!!

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