Parenting advice

by Jessica
(Spokane)

My son just recently was diagnosed. I am having a hard time knowing what to do. Any good advice on how to deal with a kido like this? Any good discipline and activities that you know works well for your children?? Need Help!!

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Nov 11, 2010
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It's a mind shift and a process.
by: Betty, Vancouver BC

Hi There

I am not too sure if the above comment is referring to Gordon Neufeld's book "Hold onto your kids". This is the only book he has written and it gives just the tip of the iceberg with regards to how to work with your children. What you really want is the dvd series entitled "Power to Parent", there are three levels to this but the first one heads you in the right direction.

I totally agree that no one approach works with all children as they are each in a different place in their development. That is what makes Dr Neufeld's approach so unique, it enables you to meet each child at what ever stage of their developmental they are at. It is the parent who has to do the work, not the child. Once you soften their hearts and get into "right relations" the process begins and the world becomes a much better place for everyone :)

Regards,
Betty

Nov 10, 2010
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Discipline...what works and what doesn't!
by: Betty, Vancouver BC

Hi there

This is the biggest debate out there. One thing that I know for sure having an SPD daughter is this...the Behavioral Approach of immediacy, consistency and consequences got us into a whole lot of trouble with our little girl.

Most of the literature out there encourages parents to discipline using consequences. The thinking goes that as long as you are able to dish out consequences that are tough enough, the undesirable behavior in your child will be extinguished. The scary thing is that this bully technique really does work on most children...but at what price long term???

It also "works" until you have a strong willed SPD daughter like ours. As she got older and the consequences got bigger so did her resilience to them. Time outs were the ultimate failure as she wouldn't stay where she needed to...even for the two minutes required of her.Marching her back to the spot could go on for hours.It took us to a very dark place and the five year old ruled the house.

I ultimately found the answers in the work of Gordon Neufeld who took me back to parenting through my intuition. I knew timeouts were wrong, I could feel it, but that was all that I could think of! His approach teaches you to look at your child's behavior as a symptom of what is going on inside them. I have learned to look at my daughter and see that something is troubling her, rather than she is doing this to really push my buttons. Consequences strip parents of their natural power and Dr Neufeld teaches you how to restore your natural parenting power by working on your relationship with your child and getting them to a place where they want to be "good" for you. You can't make a child do anything...they have to want to...especially as they get older, bigger and stronger...

Have a look at his website. If it resonates with you, it will surely change your world...as it did ours.

All the best,
Betty


Nov 09, 2010
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different
by: Anonymous

Jessica, I would love to say that I got this book and implemented this discipline strategy with my children and it worked wonders, the truth is not one strategy works with all children. I have triplets, all of which have SPD, and I have to use different strategies with each of them depending on his or her diagnosis or the situation at hand.

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