My Cash and his struggles :(

by Erin
(Pa)

Im a disabled stay at home mother of 3 boys...1,5,&7. My husband and I are at wits end with our 5 year old, Cash! We have honestly tried EVERYTHING...only things we haven tried are special schooling/class... bc he just finished preschool. We also haven't done meds or this!


I LOVE MY SON! But i dont know what to do! Here's his story...

For the last 2 1/2 years he has wanted and acts like a girl, everything and anything is turned into a girly thing...EVERYTHING! We have approached it at evry angel...now we just let him be girly at home/safe place (recommended by his therapist) for his birthday couple months ago, he asked for Repunzel, so we got that for him. Now thats just one struggle/ mystery of ours with him. (scared i might steer him wrong way) Now Cash has always been clingy to me but with me being disabled physically i cant have him hanging on me. He also is LOUD always no matter how many times we remind him! He runs always...all day we say Cash STOP running! We use 1 2 3 timeout and chores for punishment. Rough housing with older brother 24/7 hes not aloud to do much with our 1 year old bc he makes him cry all the time! Which breaks my heart to tell him that he cant touch or play with his little brother.

He loses interest in many activities, quickly and complains about them. He has to know whats going on 24/7. Any tasks have to be repeated over n over! He doesn't pay attention ever unless its the tv. We make him repeat what we say to him to make sure he is aware. He will ask questions from the moment he wakes up n the morning! He has no filter! he will ask or tell strangers things they dont need to know. He interrupts and talks randomly.He also is very clumsy...falls and trips alot, cant run alot when asked too lol and when asked to do something..."I cant" "its too hard" "WILL you do it for me" He struggles with dressing himself...always mismatched or needing help with buttons or his clothes all bunched up! All of this happens daily! EVERYDAY!!!! When i try and groom him... "ow it hurts" "noooo" "stop" im just doing his ears, checking teeth, cutting nails etc. Startled easily...complains about noise. He has spurts of peeing his pants! He cant organize anything. Cant recall things that happen daily..ugh just writing this is making my anxiety go up!!! And im probably missing things that are important but this is a start! haha.Oh and making friends is hard for him bc of these things and that hes so hands on! (breaks my heart)

He will laugh about anything almost ex: He dug a hole somewhere he shouldn't have and my husband said well im gona clean up your mess Cash. Cash says thats good and laughs about.

This type of thing happens alot. He wont respond when hes in trouble, he wont tell us why he did what he did! Its soooo frustrating! Also my husband struggles more with Cash bc its not his son (but Cash only knows him as Dad) so Cash tends to be more rude and defiant with him. Cash says rude things to him and they but heads bc my husband thinks he is just playing us or wanting attention. He tries and talks to Cash always about his behavior bc he thinks hes very smart and just being defiant! He pretty much as thrown the towel in and just avoids Cash bc he cant handle it! We neeeeed HELP!

Trying and praying for solution for his sake and our sanity!!! Is he A.D.H.D and something else?? What she would do so he can enjoy childhood w/out being punished always???!!!

Please respond back, hope i didnt scare ya away!

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Aug 27, 2012
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I can relate!
by: Anonymous

I'm so sorry to hear how difficult it is for you with your son. Some of it I can certainly identify with. My son wasn't diagnosed with ADHD until aged 7. Prior to this I was given all sorts of advice on parenting skills. They obviously thought I was doing something wrong. However, what interested me was that none of the other parents I knew had to do as much work "parenting" their child as I did. These days some of the skills I did learn do help me manage his behaviour now, and without them it would be hell. I now use medication and lots of star charts to keep him on track. We also do 123 Magic. My husband finds it difficult to accept his disorder and this has caused lots of tension within our relationship. I think men find it particularly difficult when a child is defiant. My son also has Oppositional Defiance Disorder (ODD) and it sounds like your son has the same.

He also went through a period of wanting to be a girl and I just let him dress in fairy dresses when he felt like it. He eventually outgrew it and now strongly identifies with being a boy! I strongly recommend seeing a pediatrician to discuss your concerns. Getting help early is the best thing you can do to help your son be as functional as possible. It's never going to be easy, but it can get easier when you have some tricks up your sleeve.

Jun 12, 2012
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cas and his struggle
by: marjory glasgow scotland

Hi have you looked into o.t. It will make all the difference to your family and son. My child was diagnosed with reduced proprioception, oversensitive hearing and later aspergers syndrome, part of the autistic umberella. Once you get your head round all these names and deal with one at a time, you will get their. Patience, patience, patience. Easier said than done when you have 3 children i know. My son gets 10 min excercise at school every morn and we also do it at home, and boy what a big difference it has made. We also have coloured lenses, helps calm the child, and we completed the TOMATIS listening therapy prog. Big Big improvement in my son. Short term memory still not great, more lokely to get the A to Z of a story the next day., but hey we get their in the end. Oh by the way i was told that my son had nothing wrong with him, so mummy always knows best.

Jun 10, 2012
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hang in there..
by: Anonymous

I understand all of your frustrations (excluding the gender problem- we don't have that struggle). My son has Sensory processing disorder and it sounds like your son does too. I agree that looking into an occupational therapist to have him evaluated and treated would help. I will say, from experience, with my 5 year old son -that 'results' come slowly but they do come. I would suggest looking for a therapist who either specialized in SPD or has worked with it enough to really give you good & practical tips in dealing with and teaching your son. I know structure is a key thing that helps my son and other children I know who suffer from SPD. Knowing what to expect and when. Maybe try making a daily chart of what you will be doing. For my son, he feels much more in control. Hang in there and keep praying!! You will get through this and so will your husband and son!

Jun 10, 2012
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The Biology of Behavior
by: Anonymous

I'm sorry your little guy is struggling! I just listened to some interesting CD's called "The Biology of Behavior" from www.diannecraft.org

It outlines a three month program of nutritional supplements that many have had great success with as well as additional books (available at the library) that may be helpful.

I hope you are able to find the resources your son needs. Best wishes to you!

Jun 10, 2012
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RE: your 5-year old son
by: Lyn

Hello! I think he needs a once a week occupational therapy session at home and in school. Anyway, good luck!Hang in there. You are not alone.

Jun 09, 2012
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SPD
by: Anonymous

its sound like SPD with ADHD and a big maybe on Gender Dysphoria

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